Egychick Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 My boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago. I'm still devastated...trying to live my life...I'm doing a little better but I still think of him all the time, and wish a miracle would happen and I'd hear from him again...just to say hello. Back to the question: I hate when people tell you to, "Get over it" "Forget him" or "Forget it" "Find someone else." I feel like they say this to get me off their back from talking about how I feel to them. It's not easy to forget someone...especially someone you spent3 years thinking about day and night...and he was your life....sad is that is. What are some others words of advice that you've gotten in bad taste?
smk Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 As much as you don't want to hear this, they are correct... Forget about him, go NC and love YOUR life... The operative and keyword being "your life" and "you". he made the choice leave, so **** him (figuratively) and move on... Only time will heal those wounds but it will happen... Sorry for being a little harsh...
Woggle Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 The weekend after I seperated from my ex I sat in the house with a loaded gun trying to get myself drunk enough to actually do myself in. I never did it and I am glad I didn't. I would just be happy the person is no longer in your life. In time you will be better off.
Beeotch Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago. I'm still devastated...trying to live my life...I'm doing a little better but I still think of him all the time, and wish a miracle would happen and I'd hear from him again...just to say hello. Back to the question: I hate when people tell you to, "Get over it" "Forget him" or "Forget it" "Find someone else." I feel like they say this to get me off their back from talking about how I feel to them. It's not easy to forget someone...especially someone you spent3 years thinking about day and night...and he was your life....sad is that is. What are some others words of advice that you've gotten in bad taste? The funny thing is, if the shoe were on the other foot...they would act NO differently than you. Those same people telling you that, guaranteed they would not overnight get over it either. It takes a whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile to get over a serious relationship in which you were emotionally invested and it is unrealistic to expect it to come over night. Your head knows you will get over it but it takes a while before you start feeling fine. You go through: denial, acceptance, then finally moving on. When you are out of the situation it can of course be annoying to have someone moaning about their ex, or you can forget how it feels BUT a little empathy is called for. You have to realize the person WILL get there, they aren't there yet and at some point you were probably acting like them too or maybe in the future you will be them. A lot of people on LS think they're helping by stating the obvious that you "need to get over it" . I think it is completely 1. Ridiculous and impossible that saying that will make any difference and 2. People KNOW these things so you are just making them feel worst. People need tools to cope with the obvious and actual encouragement because they WILL feel like shyt....and not annoying stuck records saying the same thing they know over and over. Edited August 4, 2010 by Beeotch
Feelin Frisky Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Nobody tells me nothing. They can't understand my life experience and how much I wanted my last to be my wife. They didn't know the pattern of sexual ecstasy followed by emotional agony I went through with someone who seemed so right for me but had a fragmented personality complex that made it impossible for her to learn me and trust me. Her remarks which betrayed my attempts to love her would come out of nowhere after a weekend of such closeness--words I couldn't fathom anyone thinking much less saying directly to my face. I went to total hell and to total pot. It's been a real battle to regain the person I was proud to be. I sure as hell don't need some dipshi+ in the wings trivializing my experience and making light of it with off the cuff over-simplifications. My experience has hardened me into someone who doesn't risk betrayals.
Jilly Bean Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 One of my close friends told me he would cut the gizzard of my ex. Besides that, most of it was what you got - move on, plenty of other guys out there, you won't always feel this way, he wasn't worth it, you can do better... lol Trite, but it was all true. And he's damn lucky I didn't sign off the gizzard thing. (FWIW, everyone heals at different rates, but I got blindsided in my last R, so it took me about 4 months before I felt "normal" again and didnt spend days thinking about him. So, you're half way there...
Sophia8 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 (edited) I would absolutely hate it if something told me to "get over it"! I've had someone tell me to "forget him" which I didn't like, it's not like you can turn off a switch and all of a sudden the last few years never happened! Plus why would you want to forget, I've had a few breaks and a couple turned really nasty but because of those relationships/break ups I've made choices, that I probably never would have made before, that have led to fantastic opportunites etc. I seem to hear the most "there's plenty more fish in the sea". One person once said to me "I don't know why you are so upset, he wasn't anything special you can do better. Let's celebrate!" Edited August 5, 2010 by Sophia8
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I would absolutely hate it if something told me to "get over it"! I've had someone tell me to "forget him" which I didn't like, it's not like you can turn off a switch and all of a sudden the last few years never happened! Plus why would you want to forget, I've had a few breaks and a couple turned really nasty but because of those relationships/break ups I've made choices, that I probably never would have made before, that have led to fantastic opportunites etc. I seem to hear the most "there's plenty more fish in the sea". One person once said to me "I don't know why you are so upset, he wasn't anything special you can do better. Let's celebrate!" Can't count how many times I've heard "MOVE ON" or "GET OVER IT". It's so much easier said than done if that person meant anything to you. Even though it's probably true. It's just like that commercial when they talk about the a person with depression and they are telling them to "Snap out of it". Same dam thing...
SassyKitten Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 The worst would definitely have to be "You'll find someone else." I'm getting too old to have had this much failure in my relationships, and false hope ends up making me feel even more devastated in the long run.
Author Egychick Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 I definately agree with you all. Im at the stage where I am between denial and acceptance...and still hoping for anything...and not wanting to let go completely. But it hurts when people say, forget him! I can't! Eventhough I'm sure he has stopped thinking about me...but he didnt forget who I am and that I still exist. I take forgetting someone like pretending they don't exist...like that switch...I can't do that...if you had true feelings...you can't... It's also not easy to move on and find someone else quickly, as that would just be a rebound...and you'll always end up comparing them to your ex...which would make you get bored very quickly with that person. Sometimes it's better to stop talking to my friends all together..most don't have good advice or the patience to hear me vent! Eventhough I have been there for many of them (another topic altogether)
HopeLove Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Don't blame the pleople who tell you to move on or whatever they say to you. What do you expect them to say to you? besides they might be tired to hear you over and over again with the same thing. They are living another situation. When you are in this situation the only thing you really want to hear is that you'll get back together. I'm trying to move on but is bloody hard and I don't even know how to move on. They say that you have to keep yourself busy but is hard to do things when the only thing you really want is to be with your ex but for whatever reason your ex decided not to be with so what are you going to do now? Don't think we have much of a choice. The relationships we have were different but we all share the same feelings of rejection, sadness, lonelyness, you name it.
welikeincrowds Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Well recently I've been struggling with a trusted friend who told me that I was being selfish and immature by going NC. I guess that's a little different from the typical thing because he's making a specific effort. But (with some added courage coming from you all!) I wrote him an email explaining why that was an ******* thing to say to me. Hopefully he'll see it my way, but just writing and sending off the email seemed to bring closure to a lot of difficult thoughts. Getting the last word in a composed email, through a careful argument, was very cathartic. In a way, it was almost like arguing with her through him, which is a role he was more than ready to take on for her, as much as I suspect he wouldn't like to acknowledge it. In another way I was arguing for myself against my own doubts. I don't know how I could have done it without you guys. You made it OK for me to decide who gets to be in my life. *AHEM* excuse me I'm ****ing digressing.
Username37 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Well my brother jokes about the break up all the time. Thing is, he never had a girlfriend and he's OLDER than me XD I hate when people say "forget her man!" and "everything happens for a reason" That's basically code word for "dude, I don't wanna listen to you, so I'll just say these things so you'll get off my back." And I have a mutual friend who I tell everything too. And one day, I told him about my ex blocking me on FB and me still having feelings for her. Yeah, I got no response from him. And my ex and my friend hang out a lot, so they're probably secretly dating or friends with benefits. ****ing bitch.
106rob Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I definately agree with you all. Im at the stage where I am between denial and acceptance...and still hoping for anything...and not wanting to let go completely. But it hurts when people say, forget him! I can't! Eventhough I'm sure he has stopped thinking about me...but he didnt forget who I am and that I still exist. I take forgetting someone like pretending they don't exist...like that switch...I can't do that...if you had true feelings...you can't... It's also not easy to move on and find someone else quickly, as that would just be a rebound...and you'll always end up comparing them to your ex...which would make you get bored very quickly with that person. Sometimes it's better to stop talking to my friends all together..most don't have good advice or the patience to hear me vent! Eventhough I have been there for many of them (another topic altogether) wow i think we have the same friedns lol! i also hate it and its what im always hearing off my parents faimly etc "plenty more fish" "it just wasnt ment to be" "forget about her" "its her loss" etc etc nothing makes me feel any better and one that annoyed me at my mum was "well she was no oil painting" i just thaught you bitch! but what doesent make it any easyer this time is also everyone saying how they liked her and she was a nice girl.....yes i ****ing know that thankyou very much,dig the knife in that bit more why dont you (most of my family didnt like my last girlfriend for a few reasons so it was also nice at the time to be with someone everyone got on with)
Beeotch Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 The worst would definitely have to be "You'll find someone else." I'm getting too old to have had this much failure in my relationships, and false hope ends up making me feel even more devastated in the long run. The truth is, people spend time trying to find someone else...when they really need to find themselves. Real talk. I learned that, and at 22, I doubt my heart can ever be seriously broken or devastated again. Because once you find yourself, you don't go on the treadmill of failed relationships, doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result, believing the next person will be "the one". I can't explain how is exhilarating this is to me to learn. When you find yourself and wholeheartedly submit to that process of becoming complete within you, you know what happens? You stop wanting this other person, your standards get really high and you're actually fine being single because you're so darn great that you're only going to wait for a specific person to come along (hence it lessens even more the chance of multiple failed relationships), your life becomes so awesome in and of itself that you truly don't sit down worrying about being with someone else, so that if and when it comes along, it is the cherry on top of your already deliciously decorated cake. The truth is....you will find someone else. But that is putting the cart before the horse in my opinion. When you find yourself, everything else falls into place more smoothly and permanently. But when you try to find someone else before you do that...sure you'll find them alright....but chances are it will turn out no different.
mannpho Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 The worst would definitely have to be "You'll find someone else." I'm getting too old to have had this much failure in my relationships, and false hope ends up making me feel even more devastated in the long run. I feel the same way. Like a hurt puppy. Day and night "what is she doing?, who is she doing it with, ugly visions of her with another man. Her laughing and thinking of me as a temporary stop before the next guy. Man oh man does this S'''''K big time.
Treasa Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I never tell someone to just get over it or that they will find someone else. But I do ask them what their goals are, and what they love about themselves. I never get a response, so it goes both ways. Some people really are trying to help, but you have to meet them halfway. They can't fix your problems for you. I can't guarantee that you will get over this. I can't guarantee you will get back with him. I can't guarantee you will find someone else that will make you happier than you were with your ex. I can guarantee that you CAN if you want to and work at it, though. The "worst" I heard was to focus on myself. I put "worst" in quotations only because it was very unfocused. They didn't tell me HOW to focus on myself, or ask me anything. I try to really engage someone when I'm helping them.
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