TVguy Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I was looking for any experiences people may have had in trying to push their AP into a decision. For example, trying to make their AP think that the affair may be exposed or by exposing it themselves anonomysly. My affair partner has told me what they want, but seems to be held back by the fear of actually telling her spouse that the marriage is over and dealing with the actual "talk" part. I was just curious if others have tried this approach....what did you do and how did it work out?
piscis Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 you mean an ultimatum? They do not work in my honest opinion. You can find lots of examples here about deadlines and ultimatums, you may try but be very conscious of the consequences she might not leave and you will have to remain with the ultimatum in order to keep credibility. If she is not even ready to do the talk part she won't be ready to the all that comes with that. She is not ready
sadintexas Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 If you want to do something to make her move her feet, the best thing I think you can do is tell her you're done with this until she takes the action she says she's taking. And mean it. Don't use it as manipulation...truly start moving on with your life. Threatening her in the other manner is just manipulative IMO. I wouldn't like you much if you talked to me that way. If you reveal the A to the BS be prepared for him to possibly fight for her, guilt her, and do other things to coerce or convince her to stay at least "for now"...to try counseling, etc.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I was looking for any experiences people may have had in trying to push their AP into a decision. For example, trying to make their AP think that the affair may be exposed or by exposing it themselves anonomysly. My affair partner has told me what they want, but seems to be held back by the fear of actually telling her spouse that the marriage is over and dealing with the actual "talk" part. I was just curious if others have tried this approach....what did you do and how did it work out? if someone wants to force an AP to make a decision by blackmailing them, then it shows the relationship has no love involved. I can't imagine being with someone and threatening them. I'd have to be pretty vindictive and have a low opinion of the person I'm with to do that.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 If you make an ultimatum, be prepared to back it up. Sometimes it knocks people off the fence, but it doesn't always knock them on the side you would want.
fooled once Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Back up your words with actions.... but why would you do it anonymously? because if she found out you did it she would dump you? Sorry, but if you are 'big' enough to be in an affair, be big enough to own your own actions
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