Spark1111 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 MOTF, I am in agreement with you. As a Christian, I am sure there are many that will disagree with me. But MY God is a loving, forgiving God. HE realizes that we are not all perfect. HE does not turn HIS back on us, regardless of what all of the fire and brimstone people believe. And I'll probably be banned, but that is what I believe. I'm sure I will be told by those who are oh so "Christian" that I'm wrong, but I stand by my beliefs, and I believe that the good Lord stands beside me. There is no right or wrong in anyone's personal religious beliefs. I can only assume Califnan, like millions of other Christian sects, believes in the fundamental interpretation of the Bible. Divorce is a sin. Adultery is a sin. Period. So what? She is as entitled to her beliefs as you and MOTF are entitled to yours. Melo, decide what you want to do. Your xH sounds very confused, as if he made a wrong choice. But his current W's concerns should be discussed with H. Blaming you is just misplaced anger. He should tell her the truth of his confused feelings today. Encourage him to do so immediately.
Spark1111 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I can only speak for myself NID, I find it utterly ( yes utterly) disgusting and ranks right up their with racism, homophobia and those who "believe" all musliems are terriorists. So while I normally ( 99.9%) of the time completely ignore Califnan because of those close minded and judgmental beliefs I was floored today. I also believe in God; however I do not practice with any designated church due to the hypocrisy that I believe exist. It II believe the bottom line is only one power (call it whatever you will) has the ability or right to judge, and I will see him/her on judgment day. The rest, a bunch of man made rules by those trying to gain power, force others to follow and fill minds with hatred that still exist today, and sadly that was clearly evident. Imo, it crosses the same lines as racism and lets be honest... no one would be sitting here defending comments if they were directed at anyone other than the "ow". And I apologize regarding the OP questions.... I thought you were referring to myself. I am certainly not judging her and if there is one thing I have repeated over and over, it is the complexity and pain for all that these affairs bring. The first wife bleeds no different than the second..... and I feel for both, hence my first post of talking to each other. C'mon! It's her religious beliefs and she is entitled to them, even express them, in a free world. You don't have to agree with them, but you should still respect, maybe not the belief, but her right to have and express them.
jthorne Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 How does any of this bickering help anyone, much less the OP? Melowoman, if you want your H back, call him and tell him to come home. What you do in regards to fixing what broke your first M is up to you. It sounds to me like you both made mistakes, ones that were fixable, but neither of you tried hard enough. He had the easy way out in the form of a soft landing and took it. Now he has buyer's remorse. Sorry if the OW got hurt in the process, but that's the risk she took getting involved with a MM. How many times do we read here about the MM leaving the M for the OW just to go right back home. If you two love each other and can work it out, best of luck to you.
scatterd Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I can only speak for myself NID, I find it utterly ( yes utterly) disgusting and ranks right up their with racism, homophobia and those who "believe" all musliems are terriorists. So while I normally ( 99.9%) of the time completely ignore Califnan because of those close minded and judgmental beliefs I was floored today. I also believe in God; however I do not practice with any designated church due to the hypocrisy that I believe exist. It II believe the bottom line is only one power (call it whatever you will) has the ability or right to judge, and I will see him/her on judgment day. The rest, a bunch of man made rules by those trying to gain power, force others to follow and fill minds with hatred that still exist today, and sadly that was clearly evident. Imo, it crosses the same lines as racism and lets be honest... no one would be sitting here defending comments if they were directed at anyone other than the "ow". And I apologize regarding the OP questions.... I thought you were referring to myself. I am certainly not judging her and if there is one thing I have repeated over and over, it is the complexity and pain for all that these affairs bring. The first wife bleeds no different than the second..... and I feel for both, hence my first post of talking to each other. She has a right to her own opinion and you sound mad and hateful you should start your own thread on this.
scatterd Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 What a weird situation I would not explain anything to her let her husband do it.As far as getting back together I would get MC.I hope it can work for you both that is allot of years together.He needs to find out why he did this so he can fix his self and she needs to talk to him about this as you did. Good Luck I hope things work out the way you hope and sorry about the thread jack.Big Hugs
Tony Posted August 5, 2010 Senior Moderators Posted August 5, 2010 This thread has nothing whatsoever to do with religion. Please put all religious posts in the proper category in these forums. Otherwise, refer to the original post...AND NOT THE POST ABOVE YOURS...to see what the topic of this thread is. Thank you!
Author melowoman Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 Thank you for all of your comments...it has given me alot to think about.
NoIDidn't Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 How does any of this bickering help anyone, much less the OP? Melowoman, if you want your H back, call him and tell him to come home. What you do in regards to fixing what broke your first M is up to you. It sounds to me like you both made mistakes, ones that were fixable, but neither of you tried hard enough. He had the easy way out in the form of a soft landing and took it. Now he has buyer's remorse. Sorry if the OW got hurt in the process, but that's the risk she took getting involved with a MM. How many times do we read here about the MM leaving the M for the OW just to go right back home. If you two love each other and can work it out, best of luck to you. Exactly, and it often does happen after a divorce and remarriage that the WS realizes how they took the BS for granted and want another chance. I find it interesting in these cases that the OW often acts like her marriage to the previously cheating man is sacrosanct and shouldn't ever be transgressed, completely ignoring what she just did to another. I'm not at all saying that two wrongs make a right, at all. Just an interesting phenomenon to witness. I'm surprised this OW-now-W told melowoman "you won". That sounds like she viewed this whole ordeal as a battle to be won and that's ridiculous. Affairs involve entire lives, not little parts to be won or lost. The new W should be redirected back to her H, not to melo. And melo shouldn't tell him what to say either. Time for some adults to make some decisions on their own.
sadintexas Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Being from the south, we have a proverb for just about any situation you can think of. The one that comes to mind in the OP's situation is: "When you wrestle with a pig you both get dirty. The only difference is, the pig likes it." I think you would show more dignity and self respect by not engaging with this new wife. Let her root around in her sty by herself. I have to wonder about this situation with your ex. The back and forth bothers me. He's become accustomed (while in his A) of having both of you available to him. While he may be regretting his choice to be with her and he may genuinely want you back to have an honest marriage...I have to wonder if this scenario wouldn't be prone to repeating itself. If it were me, and I was considering reconciling in this situation, a lot of IC and MC would be in order before I could fully commit. I'd have to have some reassurance that he's made necessary changes to prevent this from happening again.
Jilly Bean Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Well, Im sure the W told Melo she "won", because you know the cheater is making up all kinds of stories to her of why he is in contact with Melo. He's probably telling the W that Melo is crazy, threatening suicide, etc. You know how this goes... Thing is, the W is well aware of how crafty of a liar he is, as she was a party to it during the A. Now Melo can see how easy it was for the cheater to step out on her, since he's doing it again to the W. I just can't see how Melo finds any of this positive or encouraging, however. If MM were single, and working on his own issues, then yes, I could see how she could consider a reconciliation. But to walk into this mess when hes married to someone else, and cheating on her, just is beyond perplexing. I get the feeling this guy will ping pong for eternity between these two women, as they seem to be willing to take it.
NoIDidn't Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Being from the south, we have a proverb for just about any situation you can think of. The one that comes to mind in the OP's situation is: "When you wrestle with a pig you both get dirty. The only difference is, the pig likes it." I think you would show more dignity and self respect by not engaging with this new wife. Let her root around in her sty by herself. Quoted for truth. The H is acting like a pig. That is certain.
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