Confused4Now Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I try not to read to many stories here on the OW/OM board but it's just amazing how many women are in these situations. I'm so happy I had the balls to get where I needed to not matter what my exMW did....So here is my problem. I've been dating and meeting very nice ladies. The problem is I'm not interested in getting intimate with any of them yet. I like the company and like just hanging out. The couple of times which I've tried to close the deal...I get some serious mental block and have issues of staying up. Not sure what the problem is but i'm in great physical condition for a man of my age(52). So I'm wondering if any other guys here having this problem? and what do you think the problem is? I've never had the problem with any woman but I do know..I'm pretty certain I've moved on and over my xMW...so what gives?
jwi71 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I try not to read to many stories here on the OW/OM board but it's just amazing how many women are in these situations. I'm so happy I had the balls to get where I needed to not matter what my exMW did....So here is my problem. I've been dating and meeting very nice ladies. The problem is I'm not interested in getting intimate with any of them yet. I like the company and like just hanging out. The couple of times which I've tried to close the deal...I get some serious mental block and have issues of staying up. Not sure what the problem is but i'm in great physical condition for a man of my age(52). So I'm wondering if any other guys here having this problem? and what do you think the problem is? I've never had the problem with any woman but I do know..I'm pretty certain I've moved on and over my xMW...so what gives? Have you spoken to your physician about this? However, I think this is more of a mental block than anything else. Perhaps try looking for an IC to help. I know, for me, after my D I wasn't attracted to women at all. Then, I sort of made up for lost time - available for physical "Activities" but couldn't make an emotional connection. Then, took a break, worked on me and viola - finally was available emotionally and physically. I suspect your journey is similar. And yes, I did the IC thing I truly think it helped...
Author Confused4Now Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Have you spoken to your physician about this? However, I think this is more of a mental block than anything else. Perhaps try looking for an IC to help. I know, for me, after my D I wasn't attracted to women at all. Then, I sort of made up for lost time - available for physical "Activities" but couldn't make an emotional connection. Then, took a break, worked on me and viola - finally was available emotionally and physically. I suspect your journey is similar. And yes, I did the IC thing I truly think it helped...Amen to this...I did the whole physical fitness things which is why I had so much time on my hand..been in IC for almost 2 years. I haven't really shared this piece with my therapist yet though. I stay focus on me and my kids...but come on...I need to get a little something something...but its quite embarrassing when stuff like this happens. BTW its never been a issue with either my xW or xMW. It's probably just needing more time to heal..its not like i'm not getting opportunities....I'm probably just guarding my heart.
2sure Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Not a guy but..I was hoping someone else would mention to you Nothing wrong or unusual to take a little blue pill once in awhile. Maybe it will get you over the hump and after that you wont need it. Even if you do, its no big deal.
Author Confused4Now Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Not a guy but..I was hoping someone else would mention to you Nothing wrong or unusual to take a little blue pill once in awhile. Maybe it will get you over the hump and after that you wont need it. Even if you do, its no big deal.Honestly I tried that but for some reason the big head keeps ruling the small head....
2sure Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Yeah , its not a cure all especially when it isnt a physical thing. You know what? You just arent ready yet. Stop trying for a bit so that you dont get to wrapped up in that. I know how you guys are.
Spark1111 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Okay, not a guy either... Get a complete physical Mention it to your IC... And give yourself some more time.... It may be a trust issue on some level. You were hurt by someone you cared for.
YellowShark Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 The problem is I'm not interested in getting intimate with any of them yet. I like the company and like just hanging out. The couple of times which I've tried to close the deal...I get some serious mental block and have issues of staying up. ...so what gives? What gives is what you wrote.... The problem is I'm not interested in getting intimate with any of them yet. If she's the right gal... "he'll" salute and stand at attention! (I'm a guy.. I know.)
Hazyhead Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 It'll come (no pun intended) with time. You're doing well, just going and hanging out, but I think you still need a little more time. Us women are lucky enough not to have to worry about that, but if we did, there would be a lot more on this board feeling the same way. For what it's worth, I wasn't interested in physical intimacy for a while; just liked the company. Now... well...
Author Confused4Now Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 What gives is what you wrote.... If she's the right gal... "he'll" salute and stand at attention! (I'm a guy.. I know.)It means I kinda tried and dabble in it for a bit...and notice things didn't feel right or something wasn't working. Which is why I figured I can't be intimate..cause I tried.
jwi71 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 It means I kinda tried and dabble in it for a bit...and notice things didn't feel right or something wasn't working. Which is why I figured I can't be intimate..cause I tried. Don't sweat it, in fact, I alluded to it above - that's the problem. You are so worried and concerned and embarrassed that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I would personally take a break. I had to...took a few months off from dating and just spent time with me and my kids when I had them. And TALK TO YOUR IC about it. They have heard it all.
YellowShark Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 It means I kinda tried and dabble in it for a bit...and notice things didn't feel right or something wasn't working. Which is why I figured I can't be intimate..cause I tried. Two words... Performance anxiety. Reasons for this are stress, anxiety, guilt, depression, low self-esteem, relationship problems, and fear of sexual failure. But trust me. When you're with the right woman, and the right combination of events occur, everything will fall into place. Perhaps you are just not ready to put the 'Oingo Boingo' into the 'Velvet Underground' yet.
fooled once Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I try not to read to many stories here on the OW/OM board but it's just amazing how many women are in these situations. I'm so happy I had the balls to get where I needed to not matter what my exMW did....So here is my problem. I've been dating and meeting very nice ladies. The problem is I'm not interested in getting intimate with any of them yet. I like the company and like just hanging out. The couple of times which I've tried to close the deal...I get some serious mental block and have issues of staying up. Not sure what the problem is but i'm in great physical condition for a man of my age(52). So I'm wondering if any other guys here having this problem? and what do you think the problem is? I've never had the problem with any woman but I do know..I'm pretty certain I've moved on and over my xMW...so what gives? Confused4now, my H is almost 53 and while his friend doesn't work nearly as 'well" or rejuvinate as quickly as it did 20 years ago, it works. LOL But don't push yourself as you know that will only set you back further. Maybe your heart (sorry -- the heart CAN and does play a bit part many times) just really isn't into it and therefore, your friend isn't really that into it? Maybe you subconsciously don't really want to be intimate with any of these women yet?
Mombot Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 You can be any age and the flag doesn't come up. After you've eliminated the physical, and you know it's a wrap your head around thing, it will just take the right woman and ka-bing it's all okay again.
White Flower Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 What gives is what you wrote.... If she's the right gal... "he'll" salute and stand at attention! (I'm a guy.. I know.) No offense, but he's a guy and he pretty much knows too. I think you're still not over her Confused, sadly. I wish you well. I've been there recently...couldn't go through with it either.
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