Online Dating and meeting IRL

[stellawasadiver]

I recently met a man online that lives in my area. I think we get along great. Its safe to say I am interested in him and have a strong feeling that this could work out in some way, though I don't know how.

 

Problem is- we haven't met in real life. We were talking for a week when we decided that the following week we should meet. I thought this was appropriate. I was a little nervous about it but it was so new that it was ok to see who he turned out to be. He backed out at the last minute, and now we are nearing three weeks of messaging back and forth. My concern is that now we have built up ideas of one another and i would hate for our meeting to expose that he is not REALLY the person I think I've been talking to.

 

What I'm asking for right now, I think, are your experiences with situations like these- the when and where and how it turned out of your online dating experiences. Success stories and failures, all that!

[SnowAngel3]

If you think he might have backed out just because he was nervous, try at least talking to him on the phone. You can get a better sense of how he is. Most people choose to talk on the phone before meeting up in person.

 

You should definitely try to see if you can schedule another meet-up. If he backs out again, he is probably just stringing you along and not serious about meeting up with you.

[Stung]

I was a lot luckier than many people I know with online dating, so take my experience with a grain of salt. I used OKCupid's matching logarithms and didn't even bother with anybody under about 90% match for me, and found that pretty helpful. I experimented with OKCupid as a way to meet people and make friends when I undertook a major move, as well. I only met people IRL after I had talked to them for a couple of weeks, minimum, to get a good feel for them conversationally (I know a lot of people consider this old-fashioned and incredibly slow-moving). I only met a handful of people over the course of about two years, as I was still meeting and dating people I found out in the world, so I screened pretty hard. One guy became a fun, casual dating situation that lasted for about six months, a couple others turned into strong platonic friendships whom I am still in contact with to this day, 5-6 years later. One was pretty much the saddest date I have ever had, but honestly I went into meeting him feeling pretty certain there would be no romantic connection there already. I thought we might be friends as he said he was also interested in just hanging out and having a buddy to go to music shows with. He had hugely misrepresented himself and lived with his mom, had lost custody of his son, was unemployed, had a serious gambling problem, and started crying at our table after having had two beers and talking to me for an hour because he had just gambled away that month's rent he owed his mom. I felt terrible for his life circumstances but wasn't about to take him home.

 

I also met my husband on OKC. We met online right before I made the aforementioned move, and ended up keeping in touch even though we had not yet met in person. Electronic conversation flowed very naturally between us, we found each other intriguing, and I really liked the fact that he was willing to go on with writing to and learning about each other despite the fact that I had just moved 1000 miles away and couldn't possibly meet IRL soon. We considered each other just friends at the time in an effort to not lose our grips on reality, but we admitted later that we were both interested. I didn't meet him in person for several months, but when we met in person the relationship took on a new life and snowballed fast, and after several months of a LDR where we flew back and forth every other weekend, I found myself moving again.

 

My now-husband and I were each other's highest match in 1000 miles on OKC at 98%, if that means anything. But I admit the gambling addict guy was also supposed to match me at 93% so who knows.

[kalikula]

I met one guy in person from offline... I have to say that I was disappointed when I met him (Though we'd only been chatting for a few days so I didn't have an expectation of him). He had a really strange, somewhat high pitched voice and he was horribly awkward! (Although I was nervous too but ugh, he was just so awkward).

[RickG]

I have done the online dating in the past and in fact I met the mother of my children online, however I have met several woman before her and alot of them were bad experiences! first off I met married woman, drug user woman, woman with drama. alot of them lie and online it is like they can be whatever they want to be and when you meet them IN REAL LIFE you find out they are not who they really say they are. if this guy did not stick to the plan there might be a reason for it. you may want to look into that! ALOT OF MARRIED MEN SHOP ON THE INTERNET FOR A FLING! OR A SECRET LOVE AFFAIR! especially the not so good looking and wierd one's go online because they are affraid of rejection or just plain affraid to talk to a woman face to face because he may have self esteem problems so if online is one of your better resources it will take a while before you meet a good one. get names and info from them kind of do your own background check on them google them etc, check sex offender websites for them, and always meet in public in a busy area and make sure you tell someone who and where your meeting them. good luck to you! chat online, then used webcam to see what the person looks like, then talk on the phone to get a feel for the person and if all goes well then meet them in person in time.

 

 

I recently met a man online that lives in my area. I think we get along great. Its safe to say I am interested in him and have a strong feeling that this could work out in some way, though I don't know how.

 

Problem is- we haven't met in real life. We were talking for a week when we decided that the following week we should meet. I thought this was appropriate. I was a little nervous about it but it was so new that it was ok to see who he turned out to be. He backed out at the last minute, and now we are nearing three weeks of messaging back and forth. My concern is that now we have built up ideas of one another and i would hate for our meeting to expose that he is not REALLY the person I think I've been talking to.

 

What I'm asking for right now, I think, are your experiences with situations like these- the when and where and how it turned out of your online dating experiences. Success stories and failures, all that!

Edited August 4, 2010 by RickG
forgot to menchion something

[stellawasadiver]

I met one guy in person from offline... I have to say that I was disappointed when I met him (Though we'd only been chatting for a few days so I didn't have an expectation of him). He had a really strange, somewhat high pitched voice and he was horribly awkward! (Although I was nervous too but ugh, he was just so awkward).

 

I totally fear this!! i have expectations of this guy so thats the problem.

 

I also met my husband on OKC. We met online right before I made the aforementioned move, and ended up keeping in touch even though we had not yet met in person. Electronic conversation flowed very naturally between us, we found each other intriguing, and I really liked the fact that he was willing to go on with writing to and learning about each other despite the fact that I had just moved 1000 miles away and couldn't possibly meet IRL soon. We considered each other just friends at the time in an effort to not lose our grips on reality, but we admitted later that we were both interested. I didn't meet him in person for several months, but when we met in person the relationship took on a new life and snowballed fast, and after several months of a LDR where we flew back and forth every other weekend, I found myself moving again.

 

My now-husband and I were each other's highest match in 1000 miles on OKC at 98%, if that means anything. But I admit the gambling addict guy was also supposed to match me at 93% so who knows.

 

 

I think its really luck of the draw, people lie on these sites and you dont know til you meet them. im happy to finally hear a positive story about online dating. i never do and it discourages me. i also screen my matches

 

I have done the online dating in the past and in fact I met the mother of my children online, however I have met several woman before her and alot of them were bad experiences! first off I met married woman, drug user woman, woman with drama. alot of them lie and online it is like they can be whatever they want to be and when you meet them IN REAL LIFE you find out they are not who they really say they are. if this guy did not stick to the plan there might be a reason for it. you may want to look into that! ALOT OF MARRIED MEN SHOP ON THE INTERNET FOR A FLING! OR A SECRET LOVE AFFAIR! especially the not so good looking and wierd one's go online because they are affraid of rejection or just plain affraid to talk to a woman face to face because he may have self esteem problems so if online is one of your better resources it will take a while before you meet a good one. get names and info from them kind of do your own background check on them google them etc, check sex offender websites for them, and always meet in public in a busy area and make sure you tell someone who and where your meeting them. good luck to you! chat online, then used webcam to see what the person looks like, then talk on the phone to get a feel for the person and if all goes well then meet them in person in time.

 

webcam is a good idea, i suggested it to him and i hope that makes this whole situation clearer for me. thank you for the good advice, i had forgotten just how much of a stranger the other person is.