Butterfly11 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I know many of you girls have seen this book or the movie. Humorous and cute and I thought had a lot of good quotes. My point of bringing is up is that I see alot of OW making the same mistakes I did in past relationships. Why did/do we settle for less then we are worth? Why are we so blind to it? Some quotes that I like: Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship. A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you. It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to. No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing. Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel ****ty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.
ladydesigner Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Yes I have to agree if the man or woman is not taking the action to move mountains for you then yes they just are not that into you. That is the conclusion I have come to as well. It stings but in my case very true. Although I must say I am happy that my xOM didn't take any action. It's funny how later on you may realize that you too may not have been that into them as well.
Spark1111 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Yes I have to agree if the man or woman is not taking the action to move mountains for you then yes they just are not that into you. That is the conclusion I have come to as well. It stings but in my case very true. Although I must say I am happy that my xOM didn't take any action. It's funny how later on you may realize that you too may not have been that into them as well. Great, great post! In hindsight, everything.....everyone? looks a lot different, no? And when you examine what actions they did or did not take to be with you exclusively....well, to me, that says it all. And when a man is truly into you, he DOES move mountains to be with you exclusively if for no other reason than he wants NO OTHER MAN to snag you. Yep...it's that basic. I've known people, years after NC, who did bump into a former affair partner, and the result was dramatically different than what they had expected. After years of "what ifs" and "if onlys," they came to conclude it was less about the person, and more about how the person made them feel at that particular moment in time. And then they really went back and examined the way that person had treated them, disected it, and shook their heads in disbelief that they accepted so little for so long for a fantasy feeling. Very, very disillusioning to say the least.
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I know many of you girls have seen this book or the movie. Humorous and cute and I thought had a lot of good quotes. My point of bringing is up is that I see alot of OW making the same mistakes I did in past relationships. Why did/do we settle for less then we are worth? Why are we so blind to it? Some quotes that I like: Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship. A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you. It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to. No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing. Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel ****ty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse. This is a wonderful post and thank you B11...OMG, this speaks to the person I used to be, and it speaks to what I know to be true for me. I just can't tell you how encouraging this is:D:D:D:D:D.....
Silly_Girl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 This is a wonderful post and thank you B11...OMG, this speaks to the person I used to be, and it speaks to what I know to be true for me. I just can't tell you how encouraging this is:D:D:D:D:D..... And references to your signature well!!
Author Butterfly11 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 (edited) What did Bono say "Love is Blindness, I don't want to see...". The dance of falling in love gets you caught up in the excitement, and you become addicted to that sweet desire that makes you lose touch with what we should really be falling for...the person. That is the one quote that did it for me...Why am I trying to make this man love me, if he loved me as he says he does, wouldn't he move mountains for me? Thanks PIH, I thought others couple find encouragement or strength in it also. More "He's Just Not That Into You" quotes if you'd like to read more: http://www.holliesquotes.com/lovemisc/notintoyou.htm Edited August 4, 2010 by Butterfly11
Snowflower Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I know many of you girls have seen this book or the movie. Humorous and cute and I thought had a lot of good quotes. My point of bringing is up is that I see alot of OW making the same mistakes I did in past relationships. Why did/do we settle for less then we are worth? Why are we so blind to it? I loved that movie...haven't read the book. The storyline is so true--in all its simplicity. When a man is "into you" - it's obvious. As women (single, married, separated, etc), we would have a much simpler and happier time in our relationships if we would just remember some of the quotes mentioned in that movie and take them to heart!
Author Butterfly11 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Oprah Winfrey once said, "If a guy wants you, nothing will keep him away, and if he doesn't want you, nothing will make him stay." So true!
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I know many of you girls have seen this book or the movie. Humorous and cute and I thought had a lot of good quotes. My point of bringing is up is that I see alot of OW making the same mistakes I did in past relationships. Why did/do we settle for less then we are worth? Why are we so blind to it? Some quotes that I like: Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship. A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you. It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to. No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing. Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel ****ty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse. B11, I am notorious for multiple replies...some threads just really catch my eye.... If I might take this opportunity to get this stuff out and release it, never to be picked back up:D...it is a bit on topic:D I haven't been speaking to exDM for quite sometime now, and I am "withdrawling", moreso recently as reality is kicking in in a great way...the air is so clear that I can think now. The dating with exDM was not normal, it was weird...it was hard being with someone everyday and knowing it was going to end eventually. He is a commitment phobic. Everytime we would start to "connect" he would back off, become distant and usually start a fight so that we would not talk for days...this helped create the needed distance he needed, not to go into his "cave" to think things out, but to get away from the possiblity of commitment. I don't understand this type of behavior because love has always been like magic to me. ExDM was greatly abused, and was a great abuser. He chose the mental route because there are no visible marks in which to be sent to jail on...He had many ways about him that were very unusual...I just don't understand this type of behavior...not saying I'm perfect by any means. I can safely say that if I were to communicate some of the really weird behaviors, some of you would not understand either, due to the very weird factor. Weird behaviors are being exposed in this day and hour and I thank Oprah for that, she has caused an awakening across this land this is unbelievable to say the least. I don't hate him and I'm not angry, I just want to love and be loved in the correct way....I could have that now, but have been holding back as I am not happy with me, I am not the best I can be right now. I have gained 30 lbs and feel and look older...I know this is not about outward appearance, but I put on weight to hide behind it...so I know with me, weight means hiding...also am not eating the right stuff...you guys know what I'm talking about... Thanks B11:)
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Oprah Winfrey once said, "If a guy wants you, nothing will keep him away, and if he doesn't want you, nothing will make him stay." So true! No way...as God as my witness I was typing the reply after you did...ok confirmation about this thread....
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 And references to your signature well!! Too true SG!!!!! Does this speak to some of us or what! I have to let go...
Author Butterfly11 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 No way...as God as my witness I was typing the reply after you did...ok confirmation about this thread.... LOL, I guess you aren't the only one that thinks Oprah is fantastic
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 What did Bono say "Love is Blindness, I don't want to see...". The dance of falling in love gets you caught up in the excitement, and you become addicted to that sweet desire that makes you lose touch with what we should really be falling for...the person. That is the one quote that did it for me...Why am I trying to make this man love me, if he loved me as he says he does, wouldn't he move mountains for me? Thanks PIH, I thought others couple find encouragement or strength in it also. More "He's Just Not That Into You" quotes if you'd like to read more: http://www.holliesquotes.com/lovemisc/notintoyou.htm Thanks for the lightbulb....and for the link. I truly hope that others receive this as it's meant. It's ok...he's just not that into me...I hope they all find the love of their lives, because they are missing out on so much if they don't. I think human nature causes us to feel/think there is something wrong with us when "rejected" (it's really not rejection though in most cases). Or we might shift to thinking there is something way wrong with them...well maybe:laugh:...although none of us are all that...I'm certainly not, ya there are some good qualities...but there is always someone better looking, more money etc...actually it's all good....
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 LOL, I guess you aren't the only one that thinks Oprah is fantastic I started watching her back in 85', I was 25...she impacted my life greatly...I was able to understand what abuse really was through her...she opened that closed door to the world...absolutely remarkable...
Thunderbolt Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Great thread B11. I don't post often but really feel your words ringing true. I'm finally coming out of the "fog" as many of you describe. I settled for so little for so long. Often times we can't see this until were finally out of the fire. There's so many things I see clearly now. For a long period of time (4 years) I worshipped the ground he walked on. Now I can't believe what I was thinking. Yes, I still miss him terribly, but I think I miss the good times. Looking back, there were so many bad things involved in the relationship. It was so dysfunctional and messed up. I hope I never get sucked back into that mess. We become so disillusioned and brainwashed in a way.
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Great thread B11. I don't post often but really feel your words ringing true. I'm finally coming out of the "fog" as many of you describe. I settled for so little for so long. Often times we can't see this until were finally out of the fire. There's so many things I see clearly now. For a long period of time (4 years) I worshipped the ground he walked on. Now I can't believe what I was thinking. Yes, I still miss him terribly, but I think I miss the good times. Looking back, there were so many bad things involved in the relationship. It was so dysfunctional and messed up. I hope I never get sucked back into that mess. We become so disillusioned and brainwashed in a way. ((((((((((((((TB))))))))))))), you said what I think and what actually happened. Totally agree, great thread!
fooled once Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. I have said this and I personally believe it; but I have been told repeatedly on here that that viewing things that was is crap and "not that black and white". But, I stand by it .... and who wants to be with someone who wouldn't move mountains to be with you???
Author Butterfly11 Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 I have said this and I personally believe it; but I have been told repeatedly on here that that viewing things that was is crap and "not that black and white". But, I stand by it .... and who wants to be with someone who wouldn't move mountains to be with you??? That is how I knew my STBH loved me, in a way that nobody else had ever shown, because he did move mountains to be with me. Granted our beginning wasn't ideal, he has followed through on his promises. I was dating a different guy when I read the book, and the light bulb went off in my head. I laughed, I cried and I realized how all the information I needed was right there in front of me. Everything he did showed me exactly that, "He just wasn't that into me", I just didn't want to see it. Me. Doh!
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