jamiehoback Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Heres the story....I knew this guy for 7 years through work, he was one of my reps, and he was married at the time but I always thought he was a super nice guy. We have several mutual friends and when he seperated he started hanging out in our group and we started talking. A couple of months in he felt like he needed a break to see if there was anything left in the marriage to save, he has 2 small kids. Told him I respected that but I wasn't waiting, a month later we were back together. Fast forward a year, divorce final and we are serious couple, everything is fantastic, completely head over heels in love, man of my dreams etc. We constantly talked about how this was a really different love for both of us and how great it was to finally have it. Then 2 weeks ago he says he is streched too thin and doesnt get any time to himself. This is true, he sees his kids almost everyday (they play every sport under the sun) and has them overnight 40% of the time and the rest of the time we are together or he is playing tennis. So he says he needs a break, he is mid 30's never been single, married his highschool sweetheart and we started dating during the seperation. I am 30, single, never married, no kids and am sick and tired of dating. In this break he wants to be single and focus on being a dad, his career and getting a life of his own that isnt dependent on me and of course this was to include dating others. Needless to say I was heartbroken and PISSED, we were talking about our future, moving in together in a year etc then...dumped!!! I refused to speak, email, text or see him even though he tried and reached out to a few of my friends to try to convince me to do so. I finally caved 3 days ago and met him to talk about it hoping to let go of some of my anger. Here is what he wants, not a complete break, he still wants to date me and talk to me but on a majorly scaled down basis. I told him I am 100% unwilling to see him while he dates others but he said dating others really isnt his main goal so its not a issue for him to only see me if I am willing to still see him. He doesnt want to be obligated to do things with my friends and family, I won't do things with his family or kids either. We will basically be dating once or twice a week and sleeping together until he feels he is ready to be 100% in a serious relationship and share a life. I just don't know if I can do that. I am crazy about this guy, I was a complete mess last week, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, cried constantly. Is it worth the risk of taking what I can get and hoping he will realize what he is missing or should I cut my losses now and move on? Any suggestions???
Treasa Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 This is why I would never get involved with a married man, nor one fresh out of a divorce or breakup. I guess the question is: are you willing to be a booty call? He doesn't want to lose you as a backup, but you are clearly not a priority in his life. Not once did he say he absolutely wouldn't date or screw anyone else. He just said it isn't his "main goal." He'll absolutely be seeing what else is out there besides you, but if it doesn't work out or he gets shot down or horny, he'll have you to sleep with and stroke his ego and give him affection. And he has NO commitment whatsoever to you. I'd tell him to go take a flying leap and then spend some time on my own. You say you're tired of dating. Who says you have to be with anyone? Spend some time on your own figuring out why you're even considering accepting this kind of treatment and why you want to be with this kind of man. I'm sure you're heartbroken, but he isn't worth it. Trust me.
GrayClouds Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 (edited) Is it worth the risk of taking what I can get and hoping he will realize what he is missing or should I cut my losses now and move on? Any suggestions??? You were the rebound girl, the emotional training wheels for him to learn how to ride after the divorce. When someone takes off the training wheels, they seldom go back to them. Sorry for your loss, spend some time healing and then go find someone who wants see you for the shiny stingray that you are and wants to ride you for the long haul. Good luck. PS. If that is your real name your using for the screen name you may want to change that. Edited August 4, 2010 by GrayClouds
LovelyDaze Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Everyone is correct. He is not coming to you with a tray of fresh,good news. He wants you whenever it is convenient for him. It's kind of like when a dumper says,"We can still be friends" and you either never see them again or much,much later when they are lonely enough. Your ex is blowing smoke up your a**. He will do the once-a-week date that will wither into once-in-a-blue-moon. All the while, he will be seeking other women to date as well with none not being much special than the other. Be weary. Let him SHOW you by his actions that he still wants,enjoys, and loves you in his life...that this is really just a break while he organizes his life. But listen to your intuition. If what he says and does smells funny, then indeed it is a heap of garbage.
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