need guidance

[whatadeer26]

Long story short my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. She is selfish and self-center, but I think I liked that about her. Anyway I decided two days ago that I would do complete no contact with her. So I deleted her from Facebook and Blackberry messanger (I still have her phone number).

 

I have not responded to her at all, but it went something like this. About 15 phone calls were mixed into this also.

 

So that same day she began texting me.

1. First asking what she did to get deleted.

2.Then what was wrong with me. "Just when she thought I was being mature about the situation I deleted her from my life"

3. I am being immature.

4. Tell her what is wrong, what she did.

5. We talked last week I don't understand what happened for you to delete me and not answer.

6. She contacted one of my best friends. basically asking him to find out what is wrong with me and why I did this. (I have the convo if anyone wants to read it)

7. Just give her the reason why and she will not bother me ever again. She doesnt understand.

8. How could I do this to someone I supposedly loved, my true colors are showing.

9. She can't believe I am doing this especially after know everything she is going through in her life.

 

 

I missed a bunch but that was the basically the overall tone.

 

Should I respond? After the original breakup I begged her to meet up and talk and she blew me off saying that we could set a time.

 

I was thinking of sending something like this. "If you would like to talk I will meet up with you and talk like two people who have respect for each other. I am not texting or talking over the phone"

[TaraMaiden]

Long story short my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. She is selfish and self-center, but I think I liked that about her.

 

That's just bizarre. What's to like about someone who is selfish and self-centred?

 

Anyway I decided two days ago that I would do complete no contact with her. So I deleted her from Facebook and Blackberry messanger (I still have her phone number).

Then ditch that too, and do all you can to forget it.

 

I have not responded to her at all, but it went something like this. About 15 phone calls were mixed into this also.

You ignored them so far.....right?

Then keep on ignoring......

 

So that same day she began texting me.

1. First asking what she did to get deleted.

2.Then what was wrong with me. "Just when she thought I was being mature about the situation I deleted her from my life"

3. I am being immature.

4. Tell her what is wrong, what she did.

5. We talked last week I don't understand what happened for you to delete me and not answer.

6. She contacted one of my best friends. basically asking him to find out what is wrong with me and why I did this. (I have the convo if anyone wants to read it)

7. Just give her the reason why and she will not bother me ever again. She doesnt understand.

8. How could I do this to someone I supposedly loved, my true colors are showing.

9. She can't believe I am doing this especially after know everything she is going through in her life.

 

Hmmmmm...."Selfish and self-centred. Yes, I see what you mean.

 

 

I missed a bunch but that was the basically the overall tone.

 

Should I respond? After the original breakup I begged her to meet up and talk and she blew me off saying that we could set a time.

Nope. Don't respond. Why exactly should she be the one calling the shots, the when, the where and the why?

 

I was thinking of sending something like this. "If you would like to talk I will meet up with you and talk like two people who have respect for each other. I am not texting or talking over the phone"

 

The only thing you might possibly, feasibly respond with, (and I don't think you should....) is:

"Why the hell do you care?

You broke up with me, remember?

You should give a cr*p what I think.

I'm moving on.

I suggest you do the same.

You didn't break up with me to maintain a relationship of sorts, did you?

No, I thought not.

Then quit pestering me, and leave me alone."

 

But NC is far, far better.

[DustySaltus]

Nope, the confusion and guilt that you have put into her head about the relationship will ALL be lost the moment you respond with a single word.

 

There are two ways it can go from here. Either she comes back and says, "I made a mistake and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things work" OR She eventually gives up and moves on.

[EthanH]

I agree with Tara (this is weird as i just had a massive deja-vu, I'm sure I saw a post ages ago which was very similar to this one and you gave the same advice?)

 

Basically, she is HATING that she now has no control over you. All the messages, 'you obviously didn't care' are just trying to reel you back in. DO NOT CONTACT HER. I can say with 100% certainty that if you do, it will make things worse for your chances of ever getting back with her, and if you did get back, how strong would it be? ... she would know that all she needed to do was click her fingers and you would come running. Totally unbalanced, bad for you, and ultimately, bad for her also.

 

She sounds massively immature. When you break up with someone, you remove any right to expect ANYTHING from them. Think about it logically, if you had broken up with her, and she reacted by cutting you off completely, you would be able to understand her actions, agreed? She broke up with you, so it is up to you if you want to have anything to do with her. She doesn't get to decide if you stay friends or any of that, it is up to you. If I was you, I wouldn't accept that. She knows you like her. Cut her off, allow her to miss you. Make her regain respect for you, because she way she is behaving, doesn't sound like she had much for you. That way you will be even more attractive to her.

 

I know the idea of pushing her away seems wrong, it goes against exactly what you want: to be with her. And for a long time with my ex, I had the idea in my head 'the one thing i want is to be with her, so why would i want to push her away?'... it seemed totally logical to me at the time... but i see now, that in this situation, you need to back off, let her miss you, if she misses you enough to fight for you, great... if not, she didn't like you enough, therefore you haven't lost as much as you feared because your value of her was founded on something which wasn't there, and you won't have compromised both your self respect and other parts of your life (ie friends/family/career etc)... by that I mean, get on with your life, don't let this derail anything, do things for yourself now, you cannot control what she does, so why waste time thinking about it... do things for yourself and you can work towards something tangible rather than wasting time on someone who might never come back.

 

good luck!

Edited August 4, 2010 by EthanH

[TaraMaiden]

I agree with Tara (this is weird as i just had a massive deja-vu, I'm sure I saw a post ages ago which was very similar to this one and you gave the same advice?)

This is not as weird as it sounds.After a prolonged break-up, where the dumped person maintains NC, the DumpER always - but always tries to reel the dumped ex- back in with some kind of feeble line in breadcrumb-throwing...

And I always give the same, unrelenting advice.

 

Don't get sucked in, don't fall for it, don't even think about responding.

Stay in NC.

[whatadeer26]

Thank you for your responses.

 

TM- I couldn't tell you why I think I liked that trait of hers. I rememebered that during our relationship I had thought of breaking up with her because she was so selfish though. I never thought that was enough to do it though. So that feeling is probably wrong HAHA. I have not answered any calls or texts.

 

She broke up with me through text messages and never answered my calls. I may consider your recommened text.

 

I don't think she would meet up with me, but then again I never thought she would get this nuts about me cutting her out of my life. I know that her ex she was with for 4 years still texts and chases after her. I never really asked for specifics of when they broke up, but she did tell me he cheated on her. (I'm not so sure I beleieve that)

[whatadeer26]

I feel like complete Crap right now. I just got this series of text messages.

 

1. I really dont know how you could live with yoursefl treating me the way you are I would NEVER do this to u.

 

2. and u apparently loved me?? LOL ok *** I could really c that if you did you would never be doing this. U know how upset I am and your upsetting me more.

 

3. you deleted me out of your life out of the blue with no explaination you could atleast tell me y I dont care the reason why I just want to know this is crazy

 

4. you pretend to be concerned and text me and then u just delete me n ignore me 2 weeks later that makes no sense at all then y would you even have texted me

 

5. like are you talking to someone...is that the reason your ignoring me cause u could tell me that.. even though thats a stupid reason

This is what im talking about with immaturity.. an adult would not be doing this this is highschool sh*t

 

6. You wanna just ignore me cause that's the easy thing to do instead of being a man and telling me that the problem is your acting like a child.

 

 

I feel like a huge a-hole and just want to talk to her.

[Chinook]

Okay, if it makes you feel less of an a-hole DO respond to her and tell her this is your one and only response:

 

"I am responding because yet again, YOU have hounded me into doing so. I have deleted you from my life because you walked out on my life and I am trying to heal. This is nothing to do with you or what I feel about you, I am trying to heal. The only way I can heal is with space and time. Please do not contact me again".

 

Or you could just do nothing and in a few days time, it'll feel better... trust me. Besides, in a few more days time... it won't matter what she thinks of you. She walked out on you, so it doesn't matter how hurt or upset with you she is.

[2sunny]

I feel like complete Crap right now. I just got this series of text messages.

 

1. I really dont know how you could live with yoursefl treating me the way you are I would NEVER do this to u.

 

2. and u apparently loved me?? LOL ok *** I could really c that if you did you would never be doing this. U know how upset I am and your upsetting me more.

 

3. you deleted me out of your life out of the blue with no explaination you could atleast tell me y I dont care the reason why I just want to know this is crazy

 

4. you pretend to be concerned and text me and then u just delete me n ignore me 2 weeks later that makes no sense at all then y would you even have texted me

 

5. like are you talking to someone...is that the reason your ignoring me cause u could tell me that.. even though thats a stupid reason

This is what im talking about with immaturity.. an adult would not be doing this this is highschool sh*t

 

6. You wanna just ignore me cause that's the easy thing to do instead of being a man and telling me that the problem is your acting like a child.

 

 

I feel like a huge a-hole and just want to talk to her.

 

what a selfish biotch. it's ALL about HER. you have been given a gift - you saved yourself from living in hell with a woman that only thinks of herself.

 

don't respond. just keep telling yourself that you deserve a gal that shows loving, kind and giving behavior. be aware - it will look completely opposite of this former girlfriend.

 

stay on path - it will make you happy after you get past all her crap.

 

is there any way to block her so you don't receive all the crap she's trying to dump on you? she needs to keep the crap to herself. delete, delete, delete.

[VeveCakes]

Do not reply!!! She is mad because she thinks you have moved on, she doesn't want you but she wants you to want her. How can she be mad at you for nc when she cut you out of her life when she broke up with you? Its all a game, she thinks she is losing control over you and is trying to bully you into her trap.

[whatadeer26]

Thanks for the responses. I needed to hear from someone else that she is selfish.

 

This is so hard and messing with my mind. I hope to God I don't run into her out this weekend, because she is going to punch me in the face. HAHA

 

Thanks again though. I've started to calm down.

[whatadeer26]

What I also just noticed from everything is she didn't once say that she loved me.

 

F her!

[Chinook]

Good man

 

See... it's all about HER huh...?!

 

Oh and if you do see her out this weekend... politeness, calm and walk away as soon as you can. Do not show anything

[Chinook]

Oh and if you haven't seen it already...

 

... read [this thread]

[2sunny]

What I also just noticed from everything is she didn't once say that she loved me.

 

F her!

 

and she never said she still loves you and willing to change in order to get back together with you.

 

she never once said - please let's make this work. i am willing to do counseling so i won't think ONLY of MYSELF anymore.

 

she is selfish. WHY would YOU even consider speaking to someone so self absorbed?

 

find generous, giving people to surround yourself with.

[whatadeer26]

She contacted my friend again and he responded this. I feel horrible right now. Like week 1.

 

Friend

he just said that he is confused about everything and that he doesnt know what you want from him so he figured its not worth responding

 

Ex

y the f would he TEXT ME then a week before and he was like if u ever need to talk about anything call me r text me im always here for u bla bla

what it all boils down to is he is immature

and hes a little boy not a man

and thats y i broke up with him

ino thats ur friend sorry

but this pisses me off

 

Friend

he's one of the better guys i know to be honest. most of my friends are total scumbags. **** didnt work out i guess

Ex

im not saying he's a bad guy

ino hes not

but hes very immature with how he handles situations

u dont just ign ore someone

man up

and thats y it didnt work out

because everything was great

unti i started seeing this

but o well