beachwrangler Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 My girlfriend of 7 months just broke up with me last night. Im 23 and shes 20. We loved each other more than anything, we were bestfriends, were on the same page about our future together, and spent most of our time together. She does have her issues though mostly concerning her attitude and insecurities. She easily gets irritated and annoyed. Not just with me but anyone including her parents, friends, etc. One minutes she will be completely happy and the next she will be annoyed and tell me she doesnt know if she wants to be with me. Then she constantly thinks shes ugly and fat. When really this girl is gorgeous and no where close to being fat. But onto the break up. She was thinking of breaking up with me the night before last but then told me she could never actually leave me because she loves me too much. So we hung out yesterday and everything seemed fine. Told me she loved me kissed me etc. Then she was gonna spend the night and then told me she wasnt anymore because she didnt feel right about us. She says im not what she wants and there are a lot of things she doesnt like about me. Then told me she was sorry for past 7 months and wishes she didnt say yes to me when i asked her out bc she wanted to say no and that she has only loved me maybe 2 months out of the entire time we've been together. Which doesnt add up because days before the break up our sex life has sky rocketed so much chemistry between the both of us, she told me to never leave her, that she loves me more then anything, and that her life sucks when im not around. She lastly added that everytime shes driving she wishes somebody would hit her and she would die because she is so tired of life. I love this girl to death and want to be with her. I didnt beg, plead, or cry nothing like that. Just heard her out and basically walked away. Have been in NC since last night and plan on sticking to it bc obviously she needs time to herself. I just wish I knew the best course of action to take bc I do love this girl and dont want to give up on her.
Sophia8 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 It sounds as though she is very confused about what she wants from life in general and you did mention that she has insecurities, the bit about her wanting someone to hit her because she wants to die does worry me. I would suggest that, if she is not doing so already, she seeks professional help to address her insecurities/problems. There is no easy answer as to what you do now. If you really feel that you don't want to give up on her then maybe it's worth talking to her again, or if you feel that's too painful sending her an email. Maybe try talking about some of her insecurities etc and suggesting that she sees a therapist. However, if she is in a vulnerable state at the moment then it is probably best that she is not in a romantic relationship until she is able to work out what she wants/sort out her problems. If you think that you are able to be her friend then offer this to her.
EthanH Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 She sounds exactly like my ex! She seems like she is being blunt with you about what was wrong etc, but in my opinion, she is just using you as a scapegoat, she blames you for everything; that way, she can justify her decision. She takes no blame for anything, as if she did that, she would need to accept that she could have done something to make it work. Shifting the blame is the normal way to behave in such situations. By concentrating on the negatives about you, she is running away from the things which she is really scared of, the feelings of how much she does miss you. She doesn't want to have to deal with those feelings. Being blunt, verging on horrible to you is her way of trying to push you away. The truth is, probably very different to how she is portraying things now, it just suits her to put a negative slant on it atm. And to be honest, she seems pretty immature, blaming others is what she seems to do all the time. It's easier that way, as it means she doesn't need to look at herself. My ex, she broke up with me. She blamed me for not giving her space, despite the fact that it was her who chased me when i did give her space. She blamed me for her going out more and drinking more than she usually would as a result of the stress she experienced as a result of us breaking up. As a result of her drinking more, she had worse hangovers, which impacted on her uni studies, which suffered, and she tried to blame me for that. AND YET she broke up with me! She chased me. She chose to drink what she did, largely because she didn't deal with the situation, he way of dealing with it was not to deal with it, to run away etc. so yeah, essentially what I'm saying is, I know what it is like to be with a girl who seems to be pretty similar to your ex. I would suggest you just do NC no matter what. As long as you are sure she knows you like her, if you leave it up to her, if she comes back, then you are in a good position to make things work. The worst thing you could do is run after her, beg her etc etc, it will only make you look weak, and getting back with you will become the easy option, it will also be the mundane option, and therefore she won't value it. You need to get to a position where she frantically wants to be back with you, where she is scared of you moving on and where she sees it as her priority to get back with you rather than merely a hassle to have to think about. The more confident you seem about yourself, the more she will doubt her decision. I know this now because I made the mistake of clinging to an ex, and know now that if I had more respect for myself, and pushed her away, it would have made her more likely to get back with me, rather than less. good luck!
EthanH Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 oh and as for the bit where she said about wanting someone to hit her... in my opinion, she is just looking for attention by saying this... if she really was that way inclined, she wouldn't have told you. She wants attention, sympathy... it's all part of her wanting to blame someone else and it has to do with her insecurity and immaturity.
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