jthorne Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Another member just PM'd me to let me know she did not think the grammar on my "common sense" signature was correct. While I was looking for another one, I found this, an old Proverb: Before you begin on the journey of revenge, dig two graves.
Hazyhead Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Another member just PM'd me to let me know she did not think the grammar on my "common sense" signature was correct. While I was looking for another one, I found this, an old Proverb: Before you begin on the journey of revenge, dig two graves. I love that Chinese proverb, JT. My nan used to say it.
distraught_MW Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Did it never occur to you and your friends that he might have learned something during your sexcapades? Thanks to you, their sex life is better than ever, and they are on the road to recovery! Their marriage might end up stronger than ever! My H was involved in an A over 2 years ago. Things are definitely going in the right direction. Our sex life has never been better. We are so connected and we try new things. We have found a way to be better people to one another. I do actually have to give it to the OW partially for this. It opened "both" of our eyes to how we should be living our lives. He realized what he was losing, and I realized that I could make it without him but I chose not to. We are so much closer and better for it now. So I do not believe that you should think their marriage is suffering. Yes, the BW has a lot on her plate with trying to get over the pain of the A, but slowly it disappears and it feels as though it never happened. I truly hope for your sake that you find someone that can treat you like you want to be treated, but someone that is yours. Not someone that you have to hope and pray that his feelings are reciprocated. Good luck.
Butterfly11 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Butterfly, I think the point was that the AP attached too much significance to such a shallow factor. Who cares what size she or the wife is? Besides the OP, that is. I never said her age had anything to do with anything. She did by pointing out her age, size and how many rounds she goes for. Justifying her over-the-top ego by trying to make it seem as she is far more worth it than anyone who doesn't fit her stats.You are right, she is saying because of her age, size and frequency of sex that she is obviously the better choice.
In_Repair Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Revenge for what? Did he lie to you about being married? If not, how do you deserve revenge?
Author ladygaga Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Mine was a real dirtbag. When I was living with him, he would say to me things like, "Very soon she will be moving back in, and my only freedom will be lunch hour at work. I would love to see you now until then." Also, things like, "I hope the memories you have of me will carry you until we meet again. I don't know for sure if we will, but yeah I think so." That was the last 2 weeks of the relationship, telling me he's going to couples' counseling, wanting to work it out with her, wanting me to be his girlfriend still.
califnan Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Revenge for what? Did he lie to you about being married? If not, how do you deserve revenge? ----------------- Better to beat your head against the wall, haugh?
Silly_Girl Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Revenge for what? Did he lie to you about being married? If not, how do you deserve revenge? Think he chose her, for a number of months. Then 'unchose' her.
Spark1111 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Mine was a real dirtbag. When I was living with him, he would say to me things like, "Very soon she will be moving back in, and my only freedom will be lunch hour at work. I would love to see you now until then." Also, things like, "I hope the memories you have of me will carry you until we meet again. I don't know for sure if we will, but yeah I think so." That was the last 2 weeks of the relationship, telling me he's going to couples' counseling, wanting to work it out with her, wanting me to be his girlfriend still. So LG....who are you really mad at? Think on that. I think you are really mad at yourself right now. He lied to you, but you let him. The last weeks of the relationship, he was letting you know EXACTLY the type of dirtbag he was. He wanted to reconcile with her, but still have your three times a day sex on the side. I think you are really angry that you now realize the extent you were used by him. Your pride is hurt. It's okay. You will learn from this and choose a better man some day. He, he still may be a dirtbag for many years to come. That thought should make you smile for a long time.
Mimolicious Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Mine was a real dirtbag. When I was living with him, he would say to me things like, "Very soon she will be moving back in, and my only freedom will be lunch hour at work. I would love to see you now until then." Also, things like, "I hope the memories you have of me will carry you until we meet again. I don't know for sure if we will, but yeah I think so." That was the last 2 weeks of the relationship, telling me he's going to couples' counseling, wanting to work it out with her, wanting me to be his girlfriend still. Does he get the "dirtbag" tag because he didn't pick you? Because calling him a "dirtbag" and following with "when I used to live with him..." makes you??? The red flags were all there (bolded). I can read them nonetheless hear them if they were said to me! You didn't see it for what it was? I think you were fully aware of how this was going to end. Now you want to punk yourself into thinking that he deceived you. Where exactly did this MM didn't keep it 100 with you? Seems like he used you for shelter, pleasure and entertainment. MOVE ON! There are plenty of fish in the sea. Oh! Single ones too... This is the time to catch your own fish with all that charming beauty, youth and slim figure you got going on.
ladydesigner Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Well I have to echo what most of the other posters have said. Especially their M not being as good. My M has developed a stronger bond since both my H's and my own revenge A. I believe our sex life to better than it used to be and I think we both appreciate each other more now that we almost lost each other. Also on the size issue. I am a S and I workout to keep myself this way but my H prefers larger women, not XL but curvy. My xOM's girlfriend was also a L so in my case both my H and my xOM prefer curvier women. Now I have let up a little on my exercise and dieting so that I may acquire a bit of curviness. Nothing wrong with that. You should be living your life and forget about the past. This was a great learning experience for you albeit a hard one, but you will hopefully become a better and stronger woman for this.
Author ladygaga Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Does he get the "dirtbag" tag because he didn't pick you? Because calling him a "dirtbag" and following with "when I used to live with him..." makes you??? The red flags were all there (bolded). I can read them nonetheless hear them if they were said to me! You didn't see it for what it was? I think you were fully aware of how this was going to end. Now you want to punk yourself into thinking that he deceived you. Where exactly did this MM didn't keep it 100 with you? Seems like he used you for shelter, pleasure and entertainment. MOVE ON! There are plenty of fish in the sea. Oh! Single ones too... This is the time to catch your own fish with all that charming beauty, youth and slim figure you got going on. Why are you being so mean? He promised the divorce, promised our marriage, kids, etc. He told me he wanted the rest of his life with me, going on trips with me, having me pay my share of **** or whatever.. Told me he loved me more, etc And when I ditched him, he did a 180 on me and all the true colors came out... WOW.
ladydesigner Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Why are you being so mean? He promised the divorce, promised our marriage, kids, etc. He told me he wanted the rest of his life with me, going on trips with me, having me pay my share of **** or whatever.. Told me he loved me more, etc And when I ditched him, he did a 180 on me and all the true colors came out... WOW. What you say is true of almost every MM. They are all full of broken promises. Most A's are a broken relationship from the get go mine included. Live your life well sweetie. We all know you are hurting. Use this anger phase to help better yourself.
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Slowly but surely, I'm getting over the breakup. I've been really pissed off and wanting to exact revenge on MM for screwing me over the last 9 months. But then, 3 different friends told me this over the last week, that the best revenge I can get is to see their marriage suffer as it will never be the same. A life of MC and trading books entitled "How to get over your affair" or "How to save your marriage" can't be all peaches and cream. So is the constant paranoia of thinking he would do it again. Imagine her going through his phone bills, bank statements and internet history. I would do that if I were the BS, and it definitely can't feel good for the MM. What about the disgusted looks that friends and family will be shooting him for leaving home for 4 months? They can pretend it's OK, but they won't be thinking it's OK.Most of all, imagine the bad sex or non-existent sex after they try to get back together.. it would be like a jail-sentence... Won't it? Hi LG, I totally understand... I haven't read any replies so this might be a duplicate...anyway, the M had serious problems before you entered the picture and chances are it won't last...although consider yourself fortunate to be free...free of the mess of him going through a horrible D and such...you are free to see who you choose, he isn't and must take proper steps to make that happen. Most of the time people in these types of R's feel like they got the shyt end of the deal...definitly no so...they have the best part. My advice would be to wish them well...keep your heart right as you lost nothing, but gained valuable experience...
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Mine was a real dirtbag. When I was living with him, he would say to me things like, "Very soon she will be moving back in, and my only freedom will be lunch hour at work. I would love to see you now until then." Also, things like, "I hope the memories you have of me will carry you until we meet again. I don't know for sure if we will, but yeah I think so." That was the last 2 weeks of the relationship, telling me he's going to couples' counseling, wanting to work it out with her, wanting me to be his girlfriend still. Ok, now I've only read page 3 and am shocked...actually your entire statement should have been bolded...when you read this 5 yrs from now, I can guarantee you will trip out by saying WTH!!!!! What has happened here is he has reneged on all of his promises to you and wants to have you and his W, with you being the secret. He's seeing how far he can push all parties...it sounds like he may be quite full of himself. Please keep posting here and try if you can to get him out of your system as he is very toxic....
Dexter Morgan Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Slowly but surely, I'm getting over the breakup. I've been really pissed off and wanting to exact revenge on MM for screwing me over the last 9 months. But then, 3 different friends told me this over the last week, that the best revenge I can get is to see their marriage suffer as it will never be the same. that is despicable, completely despicable. I can understand getting to see the MM suffer somehow, but to wish suffering on his wife....all I can say is...wow, just wow. I always wished there weren't people like that out in the world. so tell me, if you want to exact revenge on the MM and wife, what kind of revenge do you think would be fitting for the wife to exact on MM and you? What about the disgusted looks that friends and family will be shooting him for leaving home for 4 months? They can pretend it's OK, but they won't be thinking it's OK.Most of all, imagine the bad sex or non-existent sex after they try to get back together.. it would be like a jail-sentence... Won't it? it sure would, and knowing that will be your ultimate victory over the MM and his wife. Your revenge will be exacted on the assh#le MM and his innocent wife. Congratulations.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Mine was a real dirtbag. true that but since you were screwing another woman's husband, what does that make you? just askin.
2sure Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Why are you focusing your anger on his wife and not him?
Mimolicious Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Why are you being so mean? He promised the divorce, promised our marriage, kids, etc. He told me he wanted the rest of his life with me, going on trips with me, having me pay my share of **** or whatever.. Told me he loved me more, etc And when I ditched him, he did a 180 on me and all the true colors came out... WOW. Not being mean at all... but I am not going to rock you till you fall asleep either. As you can see, some people will tell you what you want to hear (like your MM did) and it all may be empty words to get you where they want you to be. That's not who I am, I tell it like it is. Saves the trouble of making another person to feel deceived by me. I rather you think that I am "mean" than to think that I am a "full of ish liar that sugar coats the obvious". Sorry LG, but I am not going to tell you "Oh I can't believe that dirtbag! Look at what he did to you! boowhoo!", when you coming side ways full of vengeance and with an ego larger than life. Where you asking for support on getting over it? I can't seem to read that anywhere. Are you decending your anger towards the MM and his W wishing misery upon them and being under the assumption that they are living in hell? Resentment comsumes the person who feels it, odds are that the person who caused it doesn't even remember. Don't be mad at me... Love & Light!
herenow Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Why so much hate LG? He has moved on, time you move on as well. In my ripe old age (and larger than desirable size S body) I have found that wishing bad on others only brings me pain. Thankfully I had already learned this when my H had an affair, I never wished anything bad on the OW, but she had different plans for me. Turns out the very same harm she wanted to come my way made it right back to her door. Does that make me happy? No way! I would much prefer that we all just moved forward towards a happier life. IMO, that is what you should do LG. If you don't, you will surely reap the pain you wish on MM and his wife.
torranceshipman Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 (edited) I guess that is true. But then, I'm in my early 20s, and she's in her late 30s, I'm a size XS, she's a size L... we had sex everyday for the last 4 months, sometimes even 2-3 times a day.. I guess it might be an ego thing, but I don't understand how a man can retract from someone like me to her! LOL I'm trying to understand his psyche, but I still don't understand. Perhaps it was the 2 year-old they had, perhaps, I don't know! LOL! You have a lot to learn. His psyche = saw you as a sexy piece of ass, and enjoyed it. He is a real b*stard for treating you like that and he should have more respect. But with his W (who is still young, btw, so don't bother comparing 20's to 30's), he probably doesn't care if she is bigger as he fell in love with more than just how she looked (although he is weak and disrespectful for having an A, but I bet he is really spoiling her to try and get back into her good books now!). He unfortunately didn't fall in love with you - he just felt pretty blown away that a hot young thing was interested in him. You should feel happy to be away from him, but don't get bitter at the W and kids because they did nothing wrong - he did. Edited to add: that's horrible that he cheated with a little kid at home - he probably started looking around when his poor W still had some of the baby weight and was too involved in being a good mom to give him all the attention that he was used to. What a cliche!! Edited August 4, 2010 by torranceshipman
skylarblue Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Ladygaga, I can totally understand. My feelings about my MM are much the same and we’re still together. A lot of the time I very much would like to see my MM go through the misery of dday for no other reason then I think (a lot of times) he deserves it. And as egotistical/shallow/insecure as it may sound I totally subscribe to the “I’m younger, prettier, thinner so he couldn’t possible be as happy with her as me” when it comes to physical attraction (MM has confirmed this). So even if MM’s M survived he’d never really be happy or happy with her. It’s called “schadenfreude” (german) meaning the act of deriving pleasure from someone else’s misery or misfortune. I don’t think it’s healthy for the person longterm, but I don’t think it’s right or wrong. I think it’s normal to be bitter, angry or even vengeful at someone who had purposefully/intentionally deceived or wronged you and personally I have schadenfreude many people. But I do believe (and from personal experience) that you’d probably feel much freer once you release that resentment. It may take weeks; it may take years, but you’ll notice a difference within yourself when you do. Personally, it doesn’t matter to me whether you’re comparable in blame or not (i.e. staying in the R). If he deliberately and continuously lied to you, particularly when you were being open and honest and trusting of him, you have every right to feel whatever and however you choose to feel.
fooled once Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Not being mean at all... but I am not going to rock you till you fall asleep either. :laugh::laugh: Love that phrase Mimo! I am actually astounded .... basically all responses on this thread were in the same light! How often can THAT be said??? OP, you have some maturing to do if you think sex and a XS size are what holds a true, deep, meaningful, lasting commitment together. It doesn't. LIFE gets in the way -- especially with a 2 year old. I can probably speak for MOST mom's -- our baby/toddler's needs come WAY ahead of our significant other's need for sex 9 times out of 10. My baby needs to be fed/changed/swaddled/held and my man needs sex --- baby is going to win each and every time Seems they had more together than you did. And I know many won't agree -- but you can't take what a MM says as the truth (going to get married and have babies). You have to see them actually take ACTION before you start believing what is coming out of the mouths in many times. But it was truly nice to see so many who normally are on 'opposite' sides come together. Shows me there can be world peace one day
Mimolicious Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Ladygaga, I can totally understand. My feelings about my MM are much the same and we’re still together. A lot of the time I very much would like to see my MM go through the misery of dday for no other reason then I think (a lot of times) he deserves it. And as egotistical/shallow/insecure as it may sound I totally subscribe to the “I’m younger, prettier, thinner so he couldn’t possible be as happy with her as me” when it comes to physical attraction (MM has confirmed this). So even if MM’s M survived he’d never really be happy or happy with her. It’s called “schadenfreude” (german) meaning the act of deriving pleasure from someone else’s misery or misfortune. I don’t think it’s healthy for the person longterm, but I don’t think it’s right or wrong. I think it’s normal to be bitter, angry or even vengeful at someone who had purposefully/intentionally deceived or wronged you and personally I have schadenfreude many people. But I do believe (and from personal experience) that you’d probably feel much freer once you release that resentment. It may take weeks; it may take years, but you’ll notice a difference within yourself when you do. Personally, it doesn’t matter to me whether you’re comparable in blame or not (i.e. staying in the R). If he deliberately and continuously lied to you, particularly when you were being open and honest and trusting of him, you have every right to feel whatever and however you choose to feel. :lmao::lmao: This is epic! Another one bites the dust. The bolded- I hope this is the same unbiased sentiment that you are going to have for your MM's W once your A is exposed. You can subscribe to all you want but your subscription will eventually terminate. You may be a bombshell but your MM is still with his W, right? LMAO! Since you want to apply the "eye for an eye" principal with your rejoicing in someone else's misery (which, btw they seem to be created by you in this case) I hope that you are standing hard body when your time comes. Your MM wont be happy with your or 35 other biotches. Once he dulls your shine, he'll be on to the next. Now let me ask you- Unless your MM lied to you and said that he was a single dude. How exactly has he purposely and intentionally deceived or wronged you? Because you said that he deserves some little old “schadenfreude” himself, right? Yet, you still with him? So you have rejoiced in many others misery? Nice! I guess your MM only sees skin deep. Empty lives, empty souls...
whichwayisup Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 MM for screwing me over the last 9 months. He screwed you over with your own help. Own YOUR part in this. You chose to believe him, over and over again.. You chose to have an affair with a MM. Relationships end, singles or in affairs. He has every right to walk away anytime, as do you. Best revenge is to let go and move on with your life.
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