Downonlove Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 My dilemma is probably similar to most people in this category. I have broken up with my boyfriend of four months now. Don't get me wrong, I understand during the four month window of time we should still be blissfully happy and unaware of each others flaws. Sadly, this is not the case. We rushed into things. Both of us had a lot of free time and ended up together constantly. It was great 90% of the time. I felt like with him I was exactly where I was supposed to be, it was very different from any relationship I have ever had. I found myself falling hard and fast. The troublesome part of this was the other 10% of the time. I have a tendency to run, to get scared. I have been married and cheated on (4 years ago) and suppose I am a bit weary of most men since then. He on the other hand is very good at making me feel safe and secure in the relationship, until the other 10%. When we argue he goes strait for the jugular. If I catch him in a lie (caught him twice) he turns it around and attacks me about something in my past or something from the beginning of our relationship. We have had a discussion about it and determined that he is doing what his father did to him and he sincerely doesn't want to do that to another person but it has been such a habit for so long that it would take quite some time and effort to change. This is the problem... If he is 90% wonderful and 10% not so great is it worth staying and hoping that 10% gets better? In all honesty, if that 10% doesn't get better I cannot be with him. I do have a tendency to throw in the towel quickly when I see flaws but when I cannot have a conflict with him without it becoming insane. (never physical) Just redundant, like he has no grasp on how to handle conflict. Almost like he does the exact opposite of anything resembling resolving the issues. Then acts as if I am the one circling the issue. Part of me wonders if he, underneath it all, is manipulative and wont change. I never thought I would be in a relationship hoping for change. I am not that woman. Part of me also wonders if he is holding back because I am a strong woman, someone who is not ignorant of games and manipulation. He also is pretty jealous, i caught him checking my texts twice and he actually had the nerve to question me and accuse me. Ugh, after writing all this down I have gained some perspective. My biggest worry though, I didn't want to walk away from this one. I wanted to be wrong, to be over-analyzing the situation. Like I said, it's 90% wonderful and only 10% is bad. I analyze everything to death. Anyway, tell me what you think. I am sure it will just confirm what I was thinking and getting back together will be a resounding, "No!" lol Thank you for taking the time to read my incoherent late night ramble about my "former" relationship.
cookie2 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 If he is 90% wonderful and 10% not so great is it worth staying and hoping that 10% gets better? In all honesty, if that 10% doesn't get better I cannot be with him. You should be with him for who he is today, not who he could be if he changed. Trying to change your partner very rarely works. There is no guarantee that he will ever change. If you cannot be with him as he is now, then you need to end it.
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