alexlakeman Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 mhmm. It is very scary for sure. Especially for men who dedicate a majority of their lives to their family. Who doesn't desire sex? If you are a healthy human being you desire sex. That isn't a reason to cheat on someone. Please get back on the subject of this thread. We really don't care about "values" here nor is it going to resolve d op's problem is it?
Author alex1960 Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 You won't want to hear this but one of the ways I secretly cheated on my ex-husband was exactly the scenario you painted. I was married 8 years. No kids. I traveled weekly for business. Guys flirt with married women pretty routinely. I've already been yelled at on the message boards here for admitting this. You are quite right that men flirt with married women routinely, especially in the business world. How did your affair start? Were you just friends or did you have the intention to cheat?
FL Lady Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 You are quite right that men flirt with married women routinely, especially in the business world. How did your affair start? Were you just friends or did you have the intention to cheat? I'm ONLY posting this to help - I don't want to hear "lectures" from others about what a "bad" wife I was...blah blah blah. I don't have kids. I am executive too. It started through harmless flirting. Plus, things were kinda boring on the home front. I have posted before that I was hearing from other men, nice attractive ones, that I was attractive. That appealed to me since I was married, but, frankly lonely. Traveling on business allowed me to get used go being alone and interacting with men. Not only in business, but socially. One guy I cheating with I knew through business an d saw in person only 3-4 times a year openly admitted to me that he had always had a secret attraction to me. Throw in a couple of chardonnays and it happened. Not only are some of the executive women bored at home, but so are the men. I have turned down several guys who just even asked for my phone number/email. Frankly, I am not sure my husband at the time could have intervened to stop me. He had let time lapse between us. We all change emotionally over time. I will admit that I purposely planned a couple of times on the road to catch up with my crush and my hubby had no idea because at the time it was pretty routine for me to take customers out to dinner and/or attention dinner receptions or functions. You are lucky to have seen the email. I was super careful and even slept with my smartphone by the bed. Good luck and please let me know what happens. At least you guys have a daughter. Looking back, I wish I has a pre-nup. You accumulate so much over 6-8 years.
FL Lady Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 You are quite right that men flirt with married women routinely, especially in the business world. How did your affair start? Were you just friends or did you have the intention to cheat? A short answer to your question was that it started with harmless (so to say) flirting, casual touching (shoulder, arm) and things we had in common. Travel, away from home, bored, and hanging out in nice hotel bars and restaurants. Throw in alcohol and the flitting becomes more intense. Before you know there is a mad crush and attraction. After 2-3 nights or trips on the road it becomes so easy to fall for someone else. Also, email and texting keeping the flame going till you see them again.
Author alex1960 Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 I took everyone's advice and did not confront my wife because of a lack of evidence. I offered a free trip all expenses paid to a good friend of mine for an on site investigation. They went for drinks after work around 5 and stayed there until almost midnight. Then they both went their separate ways. During their meeting they essentially talked non stop. I was told she touched his hand once or twice but otherwise nothing too flirtatious. I'm sort of relieved, at least for now.
FL Lady Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I took everyone's advice and did not confront my wife because of a lack of evidence. I offered a free trip all expenses paid to a good friend of mine for an on site investigation. They went for drinks after work around 5 and stayed there until almost midnight. Then they both went their separate ways. During their meeting they essentially talked non stop. I was told she touched his hand once or twice but otherwise nothing too flirtatious. I'm sort of relieved, at least for now. Hey!!! Thanks for the update. I have been thinking about you. Wow! They stayed out late for drinks. She must have a high tolerance (I don't). As a business woman, I think there is a simmering crush there. Which is not uncommon realistically. You are wise to be careful, and frankly, caring. Thanks for the update!
Author alex1960 Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 Hey!!! Thanks for the update. I have been thinking about you. Wow! They stayed out late for drinks. She must have a high tolerance (I don't). As a business woman, I think there is a simmering crush there. Which is not uncommon realistically. You are wise to be careful, and frankly, caring. Thanks for the update! Thank you for reading and responding. I am troubled that she might have a crush on him but at the same time reassured that after all the meetings they had nothing seemed to have happened physically. Or am I just naive...
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I don't think you are being naive but I do think you are catching this close to the beginning instead of at the full blown stage. I'd definitely be looking into a keylogger, VAR, etc. and keeping a very close eye out. Whatever you do, do not under any circumstance let her catch on that you are on to her.
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