maria gostrey Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 my ex's life has dramatically improved since he so unceremoniously dumped me. when we were together he was miserable more often than not because of his extended unemployment, apathetic attitude towards school and lack of a social outlet except for me. as far as i know, i was very very understanding of his problems, so much so that i think we bonded over our joint misery since i was stuck in a rut myself. the thing is, i was always very encouraging and tried my best to get him to take positive to get out of his bad situation.i urged him to job hunt, nagged him about not dropping out of college and encouraged him to go hang out with his friends and suggested he freshen up his social circle to liven it up a bit. i was very concerned that he was throwing his life away sitting on a couch playing poker all day and thinking about quitting school.the cruel irony is that just as his life started to pick up, he dropped me like a hot plate or something. he had less and less time to hang out with me and would frequently go out with his friends from the restaurant he worked at instead. i was hurt and missed him a lot. he ignored me so much that he didn't even have the courtesy to break up with me, opting instead to disappear on me for months. it is late through fb that i found out he had got himself a new gf. regardless, i am in a bad place. not only did the guy i was occupied with for the 4 past years left me for another girl, but he is having a blast. i love him and do want him to go and get his dreams, i just never imagined that he would get all that after i was cut out from the picture. meanwhile, my life is falling apart. my family is going through a crazy existential,financial crisis and i am still in the same rut i was when i knew him.:lmao:how cruel can a situation get? i feel terrible that i almost resent his new found popularity and success. i resent that he now has a warm body to sleep with and hold, friends to go out with every night and a job to pay the bills while i have nothing of the sort. are my feelings justified? how do i stop resenting his happiness?has anyone else felt this way before?
LovelyDaze Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 has anyone else felt this way before? Of course! It ALWAYS seem greener on the other side. As in, when our ex dumps us, it always appears that THEIR life has improved 110% just by leaving us. Fact is, it's all smoke and mirrors. So he's got a new girl...so what?! Familiarity breeds contempt. Since your ex didn't necessarily hesitate to move on so quickly, he has not worked on himself or the issues that caused you two to break up...which is a BIG red flag for the next relationship. He and the new girl will have a truckload of problems and will soon do to her what he did to you. It's very rare that our exes move on to live "happily ever after." They also go through a plethora of break-ups that they caused and some where they become the actual dumpee themselves! Just keep to heart that he can not hurt you again. That's a blessing. Continue NC and DON't answer a text, call or e-mail until you feel indifferent about him. Anything less will be your ex throwing you miserable crumbs to keep you as a backup plan in case the new girl doesn't work out. You are worth more than that.
Beeotch Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 my ex's life has dramatically improved since he so unceremoniously dumped me. when we were together he was miserable more often than not because of his extended unemployment, apathetic attitude towards school and lack of a social outlet except for me. as far as i know, i was very very understanding of his problems, so much so that i think we bonded over our joint misery since i was stuck in a rut myself. the thing is, i was always very encouraging and tried my best to get him to take positive to get out of his bad situation.i urged him to job hunt, nagged him about not dropping out of college and encouraged him to go hang out with his friends and suggested he freshen up his social circle to liven it up a bit. i was very concerned that he was throwing his life away sitting on a couch playing poker all day and thinking about quitting school.the cruel irony is that just as his life started to pick up, he dropped me like a hot plate or something. he had less and less time to hang out with me and would frequently go out with his friends from the restaurant he worked at instead. i was hurt and missed him a lot. he ignored me so much that he didn't even have the courtesy to break up with me, opting instead to disappear on me for months. it is late through fb that i found out he had got himself a new gf. regardless, i am in a bad place. not only did the guy i was occupied with for the 4 past years left me for another girl, but he is having a blast. i love him and do want him to go and get his dreams, i just never imagined that he would get all that after i was cut out from the picture. meanwhile, my life is falling apart. my family is going through a crazy existential,financial crisis and i am still in the same rut i was when i knew him.:lmao:how cruel can a situation get? i feel terrible that i almost resent his new found popularity and success. i resent that he now has a warm body to sleep with and hold, friends to go out with every night and a job to pay the bills while i have nothing of the sort. are my feelings justified? how do i stop resenting his happiness?has anyone else felt this way before? If your ex was unhappy...the thing is, you would STILL be in the same position that you are in now. Him being happy or unhappy won't make your life any better. I have struggled with that in the past...we all have, but wish him the best and focus on how your life can and will improve. Thinking about how bad your life is and envying/resenting him will only make you feel more miserable. There is enough happiness in the world for us all...and it is not contingent on someone else being unhappy, so truly wish him the best and fake it until you make it (and you will make it). The people with the best lives are those who are thankful for all their blessings and find a way to turn lemons in to lemonade.
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