supersub Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Been a few weeks since I commented or posted. I have to be honest. There is nothing worthwhile on the horizon. Sure Ive stayed busy, met different people, but anyone worthwhile? Honestly? No. Met many girls, but either none are up to snuff or they are a pain in the arse to even get a first date with. Then last night. Cant sleep for some reason, then 'She' pops in my mind. I was devastated, and this awful clouding feeling that I have been dealing with on and off for 8 months comes seeping in like seawater to a sinking ship. How in Gods name am I supposed to get past this? I have gone NC. I have made new friends, I have gone out, got off my arse, got fit, etc. etc. Nothing has changed. Fundamentally she is still occupying a part of my cranium and I don't understand why. Can anyone shed some light on this bull****!?
xx.Kael.xx Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Been a few weeks since I commented or posted. I have to be honest. There is nothing worthwhile on the horizon. Sure Ive stayed busy, met different people, but anyone worthwhile? Honestly? No. Met many girls, but either none are up to snuff or they are a pain in the arse to even get a first date with. Then last night. Cant sleep for some reason, then 'She' pops in my mind. I was devastated, and this awful clouding feeling that I have been dealing with on and off for 8 months comes seeping in like seawater to a sinking ship. How in Gods name am I supposed to get past this? I have gone NC. I have made new friends, I have gone out, got off my arse, got fit, etc. etc. Nothing has changed. Fundamentally she is still occupying a part of my cranium and I don't understand why. Can anyone shed some light on this bull****! ? I can. Because I'm where you are. Doesn't matter who I meet, how hard I work, or how many pretty women I see. She was the ONE. Maybe there's more than her...maybe ill have to wait years to find the one again, but for now she was it. And now that she's gone, no one else like her will be around. I've come to realize the pain is greater than yourself sometimes. Sounds like a bitch thing to do, but you gotta ride it out until it hurts no more. I love her to death, but why does it hurt so ****ing bad? This is life unknown
spriggig Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I found some really good advice in another thread: What I have learned these past few months is that you have to keep on picking yourself up no matter what you are going through. It makes you stronger. Even if it’s just to clean out a drawer or get out and go for a walk. Make a start. Make a start now, because you want to be in the best state physically and mentally for the next romance you encounter. I can assure you that you WILL meet other people. It’s just the way it is. So get excited about the mystery of that and stop the fretting! It takes time.
Beeotch Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Been a few weeks since I commented or posted. I have to be honest. There is nothing worthwhile on the horizon. Sure Ive stayed busy, met different people, but anyone worthwhile? Honestly? No. Met many girls, but either none are up to snuff or they are a pain in the arse to even get a first date with. Then last night. Cant sleep for some reason, then 'She' pops in my mind. I was devastated, and this awful clouding feeling that I have been dealing with on and off for 8 months comes seeping in like seawater to a sinking ship. How in Gods name am I supposed to get past this? I have gone NC. I have made new friends, I have gone out, got off my arse, got fit, etc. etc. Nothing has changed. Fundamentally she is still occupying a part of my cranium and I don't understand why. Can anyone shed some light on this bull****!? Time....you still need more time as well as a different focus. When I focused on trying to find a "new man" things just seemed worst and worst. I abandoned that and TRULY got within myself and worked on personal growth, spirituality and now....I can say that I am SERENE and CONTENT! I've said, and will always say, break ups are so painful mostly because it is pointing out things within yourself that you need to work on and most people never get that...they make it so much about this other person and since that is not the point...you waste time being so unhappy and upset. Then you find someone new and then you just invest energy into them and you're "happy" again until you break up and it starts over.... Unless you truly realize it is about you....and go on a journey THROUGH the pain without trying to hide from it and work on yourself and become content and happy without a partner; it is more and more painful. I learned this almost a year post-break up....but better late than never. Now I am happy as can be and it is NOT because I found someone else to distract me or anything of that sort but I have had TRUE growth where I am just so happy about everything in my life and excited about my future romance and I doubt I can ever truly be heartbroken again as now I realize 98% of the heart ache is caused by US...by focusing on the wrong thing and putting our happiness in the hands of someone who isn't responsible for it.
Author supersub Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I found some really good advice in another thread: It takes time. Bloody hell Spriggig, can I have a bad day? Okay obviously I didn't practice what I have been preaching in this particular case, but some days it all gets too much. Know what I mean?
Author supersub Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Time....you still need more time as well as a different focus. When I focused on trying to find a "new man" things just seemed worst and worst. I abandoned that and TRULY got within myself and worked on personal growth, spirituality and now....I can say that I am SERENE and CONTENT! I've said, and will always say, break ups are so painful mostly because it is pointing out things within yourself that you need to work on and most people never get that...they make it so much about this other person and since that is not the point...you waste time being so unhappy and upset. Then you find someone new and then you just invest energy into them and you're "happy" again until you break up and it starts over.... Unless you truly realize it is about you....and go on a journey THROUGH the pain without trying to hide from it and work on yourself and become content and happy without a partner; it is more and more painful. I learned this almost a year post-break up....but better late than never. Now I am happy as can be and it is NOT because I found someone else to distract me or anything of that sort but I have had TRUE growth where I am just so happy about everything in my life and excited about my future romance and I doubt I can ever truly be heartbroken again as now I realize 98% of the heart ache is caused by US...by focusing on the wrong thing and putting our happiness in the hands of someone who isn't responsible for it. Thanks for your advice, honestly, I just had a bad day. Feel differently today.
cdt76 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Dude. I've been fighting a major depression and anger issues for a year now because of my ordeal with the ex. It does not go away quickly. Kael, you are right. The ONE doesn't come around often and when he/she leaves us in ruins it takes it's toll on our spirit. Time does heal all wounds but the mind never forgets. Hopefully we do get to that point of self understanding combined with the wonderful distraction of a new romance/love. And when we do, maybe then we can truly live in the moment and understand the happiness that love (for both ourselves and another) can bring.
spriggig Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Bloody hell Spriggig, can I have a bad day? Okay obviously I didn't practice what I have been preaching in this particular case, but some days it all gets too much. Know what I mean? If any of us practiced half of what we preach, we'd all be saints. But, still it was good advice and you can't deny the quality of the source.
Author supersub Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 Yeah, I'm sorry guys and thanks again for your thoughts, its just Ive never been in a situation like this where these residual feelings keep coming back after few months to ruin your day. Usually in relationships. Even ones I've been totally invested in there isn't this awful back and forth feeling after this time. This particular situation is like a living hell because it creeps up on you one day when you have a cushion of time where you have felt perfectly fine. Today I'm missing her again but its not like it was the other day. Time, just need more time I guess..
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