Brokenheartitaly Posted February 12, 2004 Posted February 12, 2004 I already told you all my story, but there is something which is really bothering me... Like I already said maurizio and i broke up finally on 30 December of last year after my trying to convince him to give things another try... Like I said things were going well towards our reconciliation until he was sort of pushed into knowing another person and still is seeing this person.. Maurizio and I still live together, although things are not so easy because of his nervous nature and his rather difficult character... I have spoken recently to his sister and she told me that during the last weeks he has been saying to her possibly I would go back, possibly... What I want to ask is this... When a person leaves another person because he is scared to be hurt if he gives another chance to the person, is it possible that this person can throw himself into another story still having strong feelings for another person... I know as I said that maurizio really wanted to have another try with us, but probably he wasn't strong enough to give it a try... He heard too many things from other people.. He still wears a pendant which I gave to him with my initials, even when he is seeing this other person... Why doesn't he take it off ? He is treating me badly, in the sense ignoring me, being snappy etc., even although I know he cares very much about me... I know basically what his big problem is and it is the fact that he is getting too much bad advice from imature people... Basically my question is, if you leave another person simply for the reason that you are afraid to be hurt, not because you don't love them anymore, do you think that a new relationship without healing from your own grief of leaving the other person can really work... From what I can see, it is only a method of trying to make the pain go away... But I am not sure if the pain can go away in this way... And like I say there are so many signs that there is pain basically because of the way he is treating me... And also strongly because of the fact of this pendant with my initials which he wears also when he is along with the other person... If you ask me, he doesn't have the courage to finish completely with me, because something deep inside is telling him he shouldn't. What do you all think ? Stewart
Author Brokenheartitaly Posted February 12, 2004 Author Posted February 12, 2004 Want to add that his sister still wants to speak to him seriously about this matter as she can also not believe that this strong love which he had for me - and I mean really strong - has all gone... But she needs to find the right moment so that he doesn't know that we have also spoken together... She wants to try to give him some MATURE advice, because basically all of the other advice is coming from people who are jealous and who don't want to accept that two people can have a serious solid relationship together.
Karlise Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 If M is listening to 'bad advice' then he doesn't know who he is yet, or what he wants Nobody can be swayed by 'bad advice' unless they lack focus or confidence It sounds like M is severely lacking in these areas It is unfortunate in that it seems you carry a great deal of emotion for this person, however for you two, the timing may be all wrong A great may exist, but love alone cannot sustain a long term relationship That requires insight, independance, maturity, trust, honesty and integrity If M lacks these qualities you are better off moving on to new and better things As for M wearing the pendant, that may simply indicate indecision....a wish to keep all avenues open, keep some extra irons in the fire, so to speak A mature person knows that a decision entails closing some doors so that others may remain open Indecisive and immature people stall on making decisions. Ultimately, thee allow decisions to be made 'for' them and then blame 'fate' for their disappointments
Author Brokenheartitaly Posted February 18, 2004 Author Posted February 18, 2004 You have hit the nail on the head.. This is the big problem of maurizio... He is too indecisive, basically incapable of making important decisions without speaking to other people... In this case, he has spoken to the wrong people though... During our period of crisis, he never wanted to speak about the thing even once... Don't know if I already said, but there is one person who often speaks to maurizio and who I really don't like because this person is one of the falsest people who I have ever met... He is a close close "friend" of maurizio.. At least maurizio thinks that he is a friend... At the end of the day he is probably one of the worst enemies who maurizio has... He is basically a person who thinks he is superior to maurizio and basically it is him who is ruling the life of maurizio... So many times, I have heard the person putting maurizio down... I have spoken to m about this also, but all he says to this is "That's how paolo is, he doesn't mean bad"... But this person really does put maurizio down in everything... He never approved or never respected me when maurizio and I got together and for this reason he is really pleased about how things have gone now... His name is paolo... Paolo was basically jealous of me... Jealous in the fact that maurizio had found someone who he loved and he didn't see paolo so much any more... This basically I think is normal in any relationship but P really didn't understand this... He wanted to be fully part of the life of M like he was before we got together, but when you get to know someone and start a relationship with someone, it doesn't work like this anymore... Sure you still see your friends, but not on the same frequency as you did before... Basically there is someone else in your life and you also want to spend extra time alone with that other person... P is the sort of person who just didn't leave us alone... Every time I thought that we could do something alone on for example a Sunday, P would arrive at the door... What should I say... I tried to speak to M about this also, but he is so difficult in these things also and really said that I was exagerating.. What I can say is that P is soooo happy that things are no longer as they were between M and I... Is this a friend????? M and I were really profoundly in love and had plans to spend the rest of our lives together.... This dream is now gone, and it was a dream from both sides... Like I said, maurizio has these problems of listening to things from other people, when he has an important decision to make... He admitted this to me for the first time the other day, saying that he had listened to all these people and that they had "opened his eyes".... My thoughts were "To what ? " Deep down, I know that this is really not what I need in a relationship... I can't have a relationship with a person who is so indecisive and basically so insecure and someone who listens too much to other people... I have now thought andthought and thought... And now I understand basically maurizio's problem... As I already said he is immature... Maurizio also has problems with forgiving people... I already saw it soo often through our relationship... Everyone can make a mistake but maurizio is not capable of forgiving someone for a mistake which is maybe a mistake with a bit more importance... This basically all comes from his childhood... He had a really bad relationship with his father who never ever gave him affection and who treated his mother really badly(beating her etc).. Maurizio has never forgiven his father for this and basically doesn't want to know anything about him... When he speaks about him, he speaks with real hate... His big problem is that he cannot forget about these things of his father, and I basically think that if he would forget and forgive, he would feel a lot better in himself... I am not saying that he has to go and make friends with his father again, but basically to forgive his father for the things that he did spiritually... I think that he could then live in peace with himself... I am really trying to have him do this and hope that he will think about it... Because if not, I am sure that maurizio is going to go through all of his life with this hate and the same problems which he has at the moment with controlling his emotions will remain... These emotions are going to get him in real big trouble one day and I don't want this for him.... I care about him too much... I don't think I have ever cared about any other person like I care about maurizio... Stewart
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