Wilie Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Long story short, after a 2 1/2 year no contact separation, wife wants to try to reconcile. I said said maybe. At this point, i am wondering how anyone reached a conclusion to divorce, or if anyone has or knows of resources via books or internet that could be used as a guide or aid in this decision making process. Thankyou,
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Long story short, after a 2 1/2 year no contact separation, wife wants to try to reconcile. I said said maybe. At this point, i am wondering how anyone reached a conclusion to divorce, or if anyone has or knows of resources via books or internet that could be used as a guide or aid in this decision making process. Thankyou, well you really haven't given us much to go by. if you are separated because, for example, you fight alot or have disagreements, things can be worked out if both of you want to work on them. or, if one of you has cheated, then just get a divorce.
solitary_man Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 2.5 years of NC, and you still don't know whether you want to be married or not? Seriously? I felt bad for asking my wife to give me 6 months to decide...
MJEW Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Long story short, after a 2 1/2 year no contact separation, wife wants to try to reconcile. I said said maybe. At this point, i am wondering how anyone reached a conclusion to divorce, or if anyone has or knows of resources via books or internet that could be used as a guide or aid in this decision making process. Thankyou, Wilie- sounds like you are seriously on the fence on this one. " Maybe" you want to reconcile? What made you separate in the first place? I am divorced mother of 2, my ex and I seperated in 2006, and after a brief reconciliation in 2007, I didn't fight hard enough for it to work, not because of him...I gave him the divorce I thought he wanted, the divorce I thought that would help him. It was a hard decision for me to make, but no one can make that decision for you. You can read alot about self help books, divorce books etc etc etc, but ultimately....only you can make that decision.
Gunny376 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 This one is an easy one The time to divorce? Is when each party feels complete and absolute "indifference" toward one another. No arguing, no hatred, no jealousy, ~ no nothing ~ no emotion toward one another what so ever. Now with that having been said? There are things that are obviously going to have to be worked out? Boundaries, emotional, physical, and sexual boundaries and such. Coming to terms about child rearing and discipline along with money and financial issues. Just so happens that since I've been 'field daying" (Marine term for 'Spring Cleaning') I found a print out by Willard F. Harley, Jr. 1992 "Five Steps To Romantic Love" A workbook for Readers of "Love Busters" and "His and Her Needs" The print out is a list of questions about such as I've mentioned above. In reconciling ~ go slow ~ real slow ~ as in walking through a mine field with your eyes closed and your ears covered slow. And fully comprehend and understand that those needs and wants of your and her change over time ~ and what they are today ~ may not be what they will be five or ten years from now. There's a reason they call it growing old "together"
seibert253 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 As Gunny said; when you don't care anymore, that's when it's time to go.
Phateless Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 2.5 years apart... that's a long time. Did either of you date other people? Why did you split and why do you want to get back together?
Gunny376 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 2.5 years apart... that's a long time. Did either of you date other people? Why did you split and why do you want to get back together? Not have I only know of people divorcing and dating other people? I've know of one couple that divorced and she dated while still living together, (DS is a up and coming dirt bike racer who really has a chance at making it to the National level) DS and DD told them that they can go ahead and do whatever they needed to do and had to do be happy? But they both needed their Mom and Dad in the same house each and every night and day (Brass ball for a 12 year old) So they did. She dated an @zzhat that beat the crap out of her, used and abused her. They're still living together, sleeping in the same bed together. Just never re-married. I know of another couple that was married for twelve years, divorced for another twelve, got re-married ~ divorced again and re-married. And are happy as can be. A lot of it has to do with experience ~ which most of when we get married? Are in serious lack of. A lot of it has to with maturity? A lot of it has to do with learning the grass isn't always greener on the the other side ~ and if it is? Its because there's more manure being deposited. A lot of it has to learning to appreciate what you had as compared to what you've got? A lot of it has to with learning "Better the Devil You Know? Than the one you don't know?"
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