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Telling WGF to leave - too strong boundary if affair isn't going on anymore?

Butchannon

By Butchannon
in Infidelity

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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Some here on LS say that you should kick your partner out if the affair is still going on.

 

But what if the affair is already ended but you have just found out? What is your opinion to set boundaries to somebody with telling them to leave? What if you have a child together and you pay rent for apartment? One of the reasons to demand leaving is also to calm down I guess.

 

Does it sound too strong?

Bitterman24/7 Established Member

Bitterman24/7

Posted
Posted
Some here on LS say that you should kick your partner out if the affair is still going on.

 

But what if the affair is already ended but you have just found out? What is your opinion to set boundaries to somebody with telling them to leave? What if you have a child together and you pay rent for apartment? One of the reasons to demand leaving is also to calm down I guess.

 

Does it sound too strong?

 

But you just said yourself that she has had multiple affairs!!!:mad: Why would you stay with someone who is unwilling to change and has damaged you so many times?:(

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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But you just said yourself that she has had multiple affairs!!!:mad: Why would you stay with someone who is unwilling to change and has damaged you so many times?:(

 

I guess she has had dozens of BFs/f***k buddies within our relationship and before that. She said to me she has had 3 BFs only and she had protected sex with them. I found out she didn't use protection with all that dozens of BFs. Her girlfriends told me that she went out with another man every night before we met (maybe after too). I wait for the results of STD's testing. When I asked her to test herself she said she was affraid and that it was not my business.

 

I had to make paternity test for our child on my own. She doesn't know about that because they didn't allow me to do it. Obviously they were affraid the child wasn't mine.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Some here on LS say that you should kick your partner out if the affair is still going on.

 

You don't have a partner, and to extent you ever did "kicking her out" is a moot point since you did that already a few months ago. As far as I can tell, it was the one smart thing you did.

 

I admire and respect your devotion to your daughter, but you need to get a grip here. You don't have a "girlfriend". You certainly don't have a "partner". You don't have a relationship, period. Take care of your daughter and move on with your life.

Bitterman24/7 Established Member

Bitterman24/7

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I guess she has had dozens of BFs/f***k buddies within our relationship and before that. She said to me she has had 3 BFs only and she had protected sex with them. I found out she didn't use protection with all that dozens of BFs. Her girlfriends told me that she went out with another man every night before we met (maybe after too). I wait for the results of STD's testing. When I asked her to test herself she said she was affraid and that it was not my business.

 

I had to make paternity test for our child on my own. She doesn't know about that because they didn't allow me to do it. Obviously they were affraid the child wasn't mine.

 

Who didn't allow you to do it? Her family? If so to hell with them, because they have no right to deny you your child. At this point, you shouldn't even worry about the family or your so-called gf. Just get the paternity and if its yours then claim custody, if not, then you can say you tried. Don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth. Just stay patient and deadly.

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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Who didn't allow you to do it? Her family? If so to hell with them, because they have no right to deny you your child. At this point, you shouldn't even worry about the family or your so-called gf. Just get the paternity and if its yours then claim custody, if not, then you can say you tried. Don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth. Just stay patient and deadly.

 

I made DNA test with homeset and it showed that daughter was mine.

linwood Established Member

linwood

Posted
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I had to make paternity test for our child on my own. She doesn't know about that because they didn't allow me to do it. Obviously they were affraid the child wasn't mine.

 

Go to this DNA paternity site and order their kit.

test the child yourself.

 

https://www.gtldna.net/?src=google&gclid=CMfT8caLnqMCFQUUswod2gvpqA

 

 

When you get the results kick her out.

If the kids not yours kick them both out.

 

Move on.

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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You don't have a partner, and to extent you ever did "kicking her out" is a moot point since you did that already a few months ago. As far as I can tell, it was the one smart thing you did.

 

I admire and respect your devotion to your daughter, but you need to get a grip here. You don't have a "girlfriend". You certainly don't have a "partner". You don't have a relationship, period. Take care of your daughter and move on with your life.

 

I think you have right point here. I guess if someone cares then telling him/her to leave after massive infidelity shouldn't be moot point. If she cared she would fight for me I think.

CrayonAngel Established Member

CrayonAngel

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Butch, Are you living with her right now?

 

Her having a test done is very much your business!!!!! you have a child together and I'm assuming your still together or you wouldn't be wondering. Your partner needs to get a grip and get help..shes got major problems and your going to loose yourself if you haven't already to her problems.

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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Butch, Are you living with her right now?

 

Her having a test done is very much your business!!!!! you have a child together and I'm assuming your still together or you wouldn't be wondering. Your partner needs to get a grip and get help..shes got major problems and your going to loose yourself if you haven't already to her problems.

 

No, she lives with her parents after I kicked her out. I come to my child's visitation every Saturday for 8 hours at their place. Her parents ignore me because I told her to leave.

 

I made DNA on my own, child is mine and she doesn't know about it.

Bitterman24/7 Established Member

Bitterman24/7

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I made DNA test with homeset and it showed that daughter was mine.

 

Ok, now go spend some time with your daughter.:D But if your fgf is still giving you a hard time then take her to court, regardless of what her crazy family thinks. You as a father have rights to visitation so utilize this to the maximum. And as another poster said and to be honest myself, from the looks of it, as much sleeping around she did with multiple OM, she probably never even thought of you as her BF. Just another cold hard fact. Let her sleep around with as many men as she pleases because sooner or later, she's going to learn the hard way for her immature actions. Just make sure she isn't bringing non of the bull**** around your precious daughter.

Bitterman24/7 Established Member

Bitterman24/7

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No, she lives with her parents after I kicked her out. I come to my child's visitation every Saturday for 8 hours at their place. Her parents ignore me because I told her to leave.

 

I made DNA on my own, child is mine and she doesn't know about it.

 

On the real, fucck what her parents think. Its said that cheaters always rewrite history so she probably twisted their perception of you. Just keep your daughter out of harm's way.

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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On the real, fucck what her parents think. Its said that cheaters always rewrite history so she probably twisted their perception of you. Just keep your daughter out of harm's way.

 

LOL, they told me I was potentially violent because that time I told her to leave and next time I would hit her. And that I am very very impulsive person to make decisions like that and that I am not a human at all.

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

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Some here on LS say that you should kick your partner out if the affair is still going on.

 

But what if the affair is already ended but you have just found out? What is your opinion to set boundaries to somebody with telling them to leave? What if you have a child together and you pay rent for apartment? One of the reasons to demand leaving is also to calm down I guess.

 

Does it sound too strong?

 

 

nothing sounds too strong when faced with a cheating partner. it all depends on the person and what they want.

 

me myself, I divorced my x-wife, have 2 kids for finding out about her cheating before we were married. And that wasn't really the straw that broke the camel's back, I found out she cheated after marriage, but not for the last 3 or 4 years of marriage.

 

I just couldn't look at her face any longer without getting sick to my stomach.

 

so no, it doesn't sound too strong at all. It all depends on what drama and bulls##t a betrayed partner is willing to put up with.

seibert253 Established Member

seibert253

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Sorry Butch, but based upon what your GF did, before and during your relationship, IMO I would NEVER be able to trust her ever again. Unprotected sex with dozens of partners.

 

Kid or not, you deserve better than her.

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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Do you think there is a way to solve things?

 

I even apologized to her and her parents and wrote them a letter. They said they are very hurt because of what I did and they won't talk to me anymore.

Owl Established Member

Owl

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What is it you're wanting to solve????

 

Your relationship with her and her parents...or the fact that she's (so far at least) incapable of being faithful to you???

 

If it's the first one...who knows? All you can do is beg their forgiveness and try to show them that you're a changed man.

 

But the problem with that is that the bottom line reason why you're not together isn't because of you...it's because she cheated on you repeatedly.

 

Do you trust her now to be faithful if you were to resume your relationship with her today? Would you believe her, trust her, have no qualms about resuming that relationship?

 

Or does she need to make changes in herself and in her life before she becomes a trusthworthy partner again?

 

Think about that real hard.

 

If she needs to make changes (which is my opinion)...what's her catalyst for change? How does she PROVE to you that she's changed? What "safeguards" will you have in place in order to rebuild your trust in her again?

 

What, specifically, are you wanting us here on LS to tell you? You seem to want to focus on getting her back....but there's NO focus on what you'll have to do in order to have a good relationship going forward if you do so.

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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Maybe I shouldn't have hurt them so much.

 

They give me an impression I am a bad person.

Owl Established Member

Owl

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Maybe I shouldn't have hurt them so much.

 

They give me an impression I am a bad person.

 

That's not an answer to my question...what is it you want us to help you resolve?

 

The relationship with her parents?

 

Or her relationship with you?

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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That's not an answer to my question...what is it you want us to help you resolve?

 

The relationship with her parents?

 

Or her relationship with you?

 

Both.

 

I mean if we will be in a relationship it will be good to have good relations with her parents.

Owl Established Member

Owl

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Both.

 

I mean if we will be in a relationship it will be good to have good relations with her parents.

 

Fair enough. My question/suggestion would be to stop focusing on her parent's and rebuilding that for now.

 

The biggest issue you've got to face is her repeated infidelities....her repeated cheating on you.

 

How are you going to address that? What's your plan for ensuring that she really won't do it again? That she will take measures to rebuild your trust in her...that she's willing to take steps to protect your relationship from letting this happen again?

 

How will she rebuild what she's destroyed, and is she willing to do the work needed to do so?

 

You need to focus on these things...answer these questions, work out plans on how to address these issues....THEN see what might pan out with her parents.

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

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...this guy has no balls, he allows a 23 year old tramp to dictate and make the rules in how he sees his own child!!!

 

he goes on here and SI.com trying to find solutions to keep said tramp using circular logic!

 

Keep banging your head on the wall in futility, If you dont respect yourself how will anyone respect you?

 

Why be a doormat? WTF is wrong with you?

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Butchannon Established Member

Butchannon

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...this guy has no balls, he allows a 23 year old tramp to dictate and make the rules in how he sees his own child!!!

 

he goes on here and SI.com trying to find solutions to keep said tramp using circular logic!

 

Keep banging your head on the wall in futility, If you dont respect yourself how will anyone respect you?

 

Why be a doormat? WTF is wrong with you?

 

I think it is much harder when child is involved. I think anyone would try to keep family together if family is important to them.

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

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I think it is much harder when child is involved. I think anyone would try to keep family together if family is important to them.

 

OMFG!!!!

 

Family?!?

 

WHAT FAMILY!

 

SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH YOU!!!!!

 

and that's the bottom line. This girl is too immature to even consider being in a relationship with you! Dont you realize that! you need to move on for your own sanity! are you asking yourself wTF am I doing? Why can i love a chick that constantly betrays me, bullys me, hurts me! wtf are you gonna be a punching bag for the rest of your life!

 

Kid or no kid, I dont give an F, if she screws me over, there's the damn door. Self respect! So what we dont have a family. You aint married, you can find someone else!!!!

 

Why torture yourself. You know what needs to happen. Why are you so damn stubborn!

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