MissVegas Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 My boyfriend told me last night he's going to Vegas with his best friend. I went to Vegas with a good friend earlier this summer because he was not around for my birthday and told me he wanted me to go so he could then then go with his friend. Except I got really mad and upset when he told me he was going because just last week my boyfriend asked to borrow 810 dollars, he will pay it back within a few days for sure but he's always complaining how poor he is. When we talk about our future he says he's too poor to afford a ring and a wedding right now. As well he was not here for my b-day this year did not take me for b-day dinner or get me a gift, did not do anything for valentines day this year, i never get flowers, i never get taken out to dinner or movies or anything like that. I chalked it up to him lacking funds and have been understanding of this and I let these things slide. I always pay for things if I want to do them like dinner out, ice cream or a movie. And I always get him nice gifts because I work hard and have more money than he does, I took him to Vegas last year for his birthday It made me really mad that he can afford Vegas probably (1800 all together) but tells me he can't afford things to make me feel special? As well when I mentioned the ring and our future and how I must be low on his priority list he said "I don't want or need to buy you a ring right now". FYI My boyfriend has partied for the last 11 years of his life (he's turning 29). We've been together four years and he's partied hard throughout those years. He's always travelling without me with friends and I only travelled once without him. When he travelled one time he took a girls phone number from Denver and continued to flirt with her when he got home so I have some trust issues. We discussed how we were going to work on things and start our future and now he can afford Vegas but put me on the back burner? He says I'm selfish and crazy? Am I? Or is this guy just not that into me or us? Do I run? PLUS...ANY girls or guys have experience with their boyfriends or girlfriends going to Vegas? I went with my friend but we're both really nice girls in relationships and completely stayed away from guys or informed them we had boyfriends the whole time despite being cat called for 3 days straight.S
harkkam Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Well it does seem to me that he doesnt value you as much as you value him. The things that he does, if I had a girl and she did those things I would feel the same exact way. Its very important how you handle this however. Love is hard to find and before you give up on it and let it go which I wouldnt blame you for. Try and see if you can work it out. Relationships are built upon communication skills that means expressing to your partner your dissatisfaction and unhappiness. However its HOW we do this communication that makes ALLLL the difference. I always remember the motto "Kind but firm" that means that whatever problem you are having and feeling you need to express it in a nice way but in a way that shows your partner that you are serious. If you lose control of your emotions and yell and scream or act out because you are upset and hurt by their actions. EVEN if they are to blame and they are at fault its always the person that loses their cool that ends up looking like the bad guy and the issue that was the cause of the whole problem is forgotten. So I suggest for you that you convey this to your bf. Sit down and tell him you have been thinking about this relationship and you are feeling this way. Organize your thoughts and make them easy to understand. Once he hears what you have to say the BALL is in HIS court and if he cares about you then he will change and take you seriously. If you notice that he is not getting it, then try again to communicate with him. Try a few times to communicate it to him. "Hey I have somethings on my mind that I need to tell you.(fill in what you feel)....and i hope we can improve this situation otherwise Im getting really hurt and I need to re-evaluate this relationship and us" If the communication fails and you are not able to get through to him, or that you do get through to him and nothing changes. You can walk away feeling like you did your best and it was not meant to be
Author MissVegas Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Thanks for replying. I appreciate it so much
Don Ho Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Hmmm. Well Miss Vegas, it's really not about Vegas. From a guys perspective and not to hurt your feelings, I think he's a loser and he's playing you for a sap. This is the type of guy that is probably cheating on you or will for sure in the future. I don't think this is fixable either. He's a bum. With all you said about him, what do you REALLY get out of this relationship? Boy he better go down on you really good and make you have a big "O" about four times a nite for you to put up with his $hit. Honey, you're riding in a Hugo and you should value yourself enough to go ride in a Mercedes 500 convertible. I would say try to hang long enough to get the $800 back and if you can't that's your price for getting rid of him. Kick him to the curb, find a better guy and don't look back. Oh, and please don't be dumb and post on here "but, I love him". I've been known to throw up when I read that. LOL
D-Lish Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I wouldn't have lent him the money! You seem to have a list of "wants and needs", and he isn't interested in being "that guy". He's totally okay with borrowing money from you for his own needs though. Make sure you get your $800 back, then think about breaking things off.
Author MissVegas Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 I got my 800 back today. I guess I just was always hoping things would change and I would someday be that "one" that opened his eyes. Yep I've been naive for four years and stupid and I do/did love him. Sucks
Don Ho Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Glad you got your $ back! You'll be fine. If you try to take the emotion out of it or read your post without thinking that it's yours, you will sit back and say "wow that girl's man is a dirt bag. i would have kicked his a$$ to the curb long ago". I can understand why some people stay if there are some positive points to the relationship. In your case, I can't see much of a reason for you to stay. Park the Hugo! Go find yourself a Mercedes! You deserve it after losing those years with him.
Recommended Posts