vontarquin Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hi All, I’m new to the forum but would really appreciate some advice from some objective observers also dealing with a LDR. Basically i’ve been with my GF a year now, we met about 2 years ago and had a very casual thing when she was back in the country for about 6 month before breaking it off. Then got back together and have been doing the long distance thing for a year. It’s only about a 2 hour plane ride so we get to see each other at least once a month but is still obviously far from ideal. Anyway, she was hoping to be back at the end of this summer but a couple of weird things have come up and she can’t move back and work till next April and so has decided to take a job for six months where she is. I totally support her decision as it’s an amazing opportunity and the alternative would be her bumming around without a job and leaching off her parents – although we would be in the same country. Since this all came up last week, she got a bit distant with me and eventually just asked for a bit of space to process things. She had been to see a life coach who i think hit a few nerves. Generally i tend to be the more overly emotional one in the relationship despite being the man and she has a tendency to retreat internally... so i’m sued to this sort of behaviour. For the first time i’m getting a serious insecurity about the relationship. I guess its partly the sudden change of goal posts... the light in the tunnel has moved back. I also makes me think... is it really ever going to end? She says she doent want to stay but how can she know that... things change. I just want to know how to proceed. I don’t want to smother her or bring her down with insecurity. Yet its so hard when you are apart... its almost impossible to communicate properly. Generally i just feel a bit lost and despondent... i’ve had this unwavering faith that is finally being shaken... Thank you....
cleverpartner Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Before you jump to making a decision, what are you insecure about? If she is "only" 2 hours away, why can't you visit every now and then, unless she's further away now? On the other hand, you also need to talk to her and find out if she still feels strongly for you and want it to work out. The best approach is always have a heart to heart talk and make things clear so both partners understand that there needs to be solid ground going forward. Without this communication, all you can do is assume (make an ass out of you and me). Don't spend time assuming, know for sure her stance, then decide if you can deal with the distance for however long she needs to be at this job, or cut the cord and move on. At some point, you need to start thinking about your future and whether you want to continue a long distance "fling" or a serious relationship where both partners are in more frequent contact. Hope this helps.
lordWilhelm Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Basically i’ve been with my GF a year now, we met about 2 years ago and had a very casual thing when she was back in the country for about 6 month before breaking it off. Then got back together and have been doing the long distance thing for a year. It’s only about a 2 hour plane ride so we get to see each other at least once a month but is still obviously far from ideal. I'm confused about this, which I think is what the previous poster is alluding to as well. What do you mean you had a "casual thing" that you broke off and then got back together. How serious did it get before you went LDR? And how serious is it now? Because it seems to me like you're starting to become very serious about it but maybe she's not on the same page with you, i.e., "i’ve had this unwavering faith that is finally being shaken". What do you think?
Romance Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 it just sounds like she's trying to live her life and do whats best for her, being strong and independent, which is respectable. I dont think she's not thinking of you im sure she'd love to be with you everyday, but since she cannot, she may as well make the best of it.
findingnemo Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Your LDR is new...Many people struggle with understanding what the other party in an LDR wants. That is normal. In your case, I think you just need to wait. It is hard, I know. I do not like LDRs because you are so far apart that you have no clue what is happening in the other person's life except for what they tell you. In any new relationship, the parties tend to show what I would call their "representative". Instead of being themselves, they show a happier and lighter side no matter how hard things are for them. Then, it would seem like, suddenly they clam up and you do not quite know why. You think there is a problem with you or the relationship. Most times this is not the case. In an LDR, a person may not want to burden their new interest with their problems. Who wants to always hear bad news anyway? So I suggest that you wait. Do not "assume" anything. Keep things light for now until she tells you what happened. Your feelings cannot be trusted at this point. Relax and find other things to do while you wait. I am doing the same thing. In my case, I think that it is over but unless he tells me so, I will not make that assumption. I know how you feel and for me, I guess it is really the end. In your case, it will come to an end but at this point it could go either way. Wait...and see. She will let you know by talking to you (good sign) or dissapearing (terrible sign). Either way, you will live. You will make a decision to move forward based on what you want and need. Good luck!!!
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