How can you make a LDR work with someone who cheated?

[EmptyPromises]

My ex & I broke up in June. We were fighting too much and I couldnt get over the fact that he cheated on me. Anyway, he wants to get back together with me and I kind of want the same. Problem is, come september, were going to be 3 hours apart and hes going to be going back to school for the year. How can we rebuild our trust in the next month and make a long distance relationship work?

[Enchanted Girl]

You probably can't, honestly.

 

LDRs require a lot of trust and the trust in your relationship is already strained.

 

What has he done to show you that he's really repentant of what he did to you in the past? Is he willing to help you trust him by doing anything he can? How did you find out about it when he cheated on you?

[lala82]

I agree Enchanted Girl. LDR is not easy requires trust, sacrifice and patient. I do not think that your bf deserves that you are going to wait for him. To be honest if I were in your position I will not continue with a person, who cheated on me. I think that you should take this situation as an opportunity. Maybe, you can have the opportunity to meet someone who respects you and loves you.

[cleverpartner]

Time and Trust goes hand in hand. You cannot bargain on either of them, one will pull the other down, or build the other up depending on what you choose to do. You already have trust issues with this partner, and although you might have some kind of emotional attachment or feelings for him, the fact of this kind of situation is that he WILL cheat again, given the circumstances and distance. You cannot talk to him on the phone 24/7, and you can't stalk him because sooner or later he will get annoyed. With this opportunity, he will basically have his cake and eat it too. With you far away and committed, he knows there's someone there, yet he can get some whenever he gets the urge.

 

Bottom line, if this was a close proximity situation, maybe you could have set out some goals and work on them to see if the relationship is worth saving, however, given the situation of distance and previous cheating habits, I suggest you save yourself the future anger and pain and move on. The odds do not look good in your favor.

 

Hope this helps.

[aerogurl87]

It won't work, hate to say it. But when someone cheats in a LDR it's hard to rebuild trust no matter what you do to be honest. Your best bet is to move on. I know you probably love him, but love is not enough to have a healthy relationship.

[sloudrou]

Short answer: It won't work.

 

Longer answer: He's already made it clear that he doesn't want to commit to you. Most LDRs are just long-distance cheating at the best of times anyway, and it sounds too much like he just wants you to be in the 'bullpen', waiting for him to call on you when he's next in town for a weekend or something. Let it go and find someone else.

[HeavenOrHell]

I doubt most LDR's are just long distance cheating, what makes you say that?

 

 

 

Short answer: It won't work.

 

Longer answer: He's already made it clear that he doesn't want to commit to you. Most LDRs are just long-distance cheating at the best of times anyway, and it sounds too much like he just wants you to be in the 'bullpen', waiting for him to call on you when he's next in town for a weekend or something. Let it go and find someone else.

[madjac74]

If this guy couldnt resist the temptation of another woman when you were living in the same area, it is doubtful that he will be able to when the difficulties of an LDR begin. Plus he knows the only way you will find out is if he tells you. This sounds like you will spend many nights wondering and worrying. I hate to tell people to give up but this might be one of those times.

[EmptyPromises]

i found out about him cheating through a friend. Although he claims he didnt really cheat since we had a blow out that morning and he thought was had broken up. But thats besides the point.

 

I should just end it? Or should I see what he has to say or what hes willing to do and then decide?

 

Ive hungout with him twice so far this week...had sex both times. Im already getting back into it and now i dont know what to do because hes leaving in a month

[madjac74]

My GF and I have broken up many times in our LDR and we both agreed that even though it may not be considered cheating the thought of being with anyone else just for sex made us sick. He saw an opportunity and took it even though you had just broken up that day. When we have had our breakups I was too upset to even care about sex. That might tell you how much emotional involvement he has in your relationship. If you want to continue sleeping with him until he leaves then you should at least confront him and see if he wants anything more than just a lay until he moves on. Or cut off the sex and see how he reacts. If he still wants to see you then maybe there is something there. You are the woman..use your advantage!

[EmptyPromises]

thank you love!

 

I think I'm just gonna see how it goes. Last week he spilled his heart to me about never hurting me again. He said he just wants to make me happy and be with me. I brought up the fact that we are going to be a few hours away and he said he doesnt care...we can rotate visiting weekends.

 

Last weekend he asked me what I wanted and I told him I didnt want to get hurt and maybe it was better to just be friends for the next year and see how things go. He got a little upset about that.

 

If he's not proving anything to me in the next couple of weeks or showing any signs that he wants something more than sex than I'm out.

 

Side note:

 

If we were to do LDR do you think exchanging facebook passwords is a good idea? I would feel alot more comfortable having it so I knew he wasnt doing or talking to anyone he wasnt supposed to. (He had talked to the girl he cheated with me on it on there)

 

In the past weve brought up exchanging facebook passwords so that I could trust him but he was never comfortable with doing that. And in a way I think he was right because I would always be looking for something to pin him with.

[EmptyPromises]

Also to add into the facebook thing he said he would rather just delete his account then exchange passwords when we discussed it a few months ago

[Romance]

Everytime he says he's going to a party, you're going to worry.

Everytime he doesn't answer the phone, you're going to worry.

It won't work. LDRs are built on trust.

[lala82]

What's the point to try to have a relationship with someone that you do not trust? I do not think that exchange facebook passwords are a good idea. When you trust someone you do not need to check his/her private stuff, such as: e-mail, facebook, etc. Enjoy your life and do not wasting your time trying to know what he does or doesn't with his facebook. As I told you before, is better to end this relationship with him. Give yourself an opportunity with a person who you can trust.

[EmptyPromises]

thank you. I do not think I can have an LDR with him. I have so much anxiety and stress just thinking about it. I couldnt trust him 10 minutes away from me last year, i cant trust him 3 hours away. I love him so much but I dont think things will change. Even last night, he ignored my texts for a few hours and I pretty much bugged out. I dont want to make the 2 of us miserable for the next year because of a lack of trust. Maybe after hes done with school we can try again but I'm not gonna make myself sick and crazy over not trusting him