joey66 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 MW and I have been LC since March. I hadn't even seen her for six weeks, until yesterday. It all came flooding back. Pathetic, I know. It makes me wonder if I'll ever truly get over it. I'm in love with her and I think I always will be.
BB07 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 MW and I have been LC since March. I hadn't even seen her for six weeks, until yesterday. It all came flooding back. Pathetic, I know. It makes me wonder if I'll ever truly get over it. I'm in love with her and I think I always will be. Maybe you do need to accept that you will always love her and that is OK, but........accepting that you can't have her or be with her, is what you really need to work on. Yes....I know that's the hard part.
Owl Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 This is why LC usually fails. NC means that you remove that person from you life...if you don't do this, you continually get sucked back into the affair...as you've painfully discovered. How long does it take? Until you take REAL action to end things completely...THEN recovery starts.
Hazyhead Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Joey, in what context are you in LC? IMO, it is much harder to get over whilst this is the case because in your heart and mind you still hold on to 'maybe...' If you truly want to get over her you'll go NC and throw yourself into life without her. What helped me was the final 'this is forever' goodbye, from both of us.
In_Repair Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) Crap, I responded to the wrong thread. Sorry. Edited August 3, 2010 by In_Repair Screwed up
Author joey66 Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Due to TMI circumstances, I cannot go completely NC. At least, not without making a MAJOR change in my life that would cause more problems than it would solve. Absent that change, MW decides if and when we see one another. LC means that when she is around, I merely say hello and make polite small talk. When I see her it is amongst a group of people with whom we are both friends. Ignoring her completely would be suspicious behaviour indeed. I think BB07 has it right. And I do not harbor illusions that we will ever be together. But I'm in love with her and it hurts like heck. (She knows it, too!) How do you not be in love with someone? @ In Repair - That's okay.
Owl Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Due to TMI circumstances, I cannot go completely NC. At least, not without making a MAJOR change in my life that would cause more problems than it would solve. Absent that change, MW decides if and when we see one another. LC means that when she is around, I merely say hello and make polite small talk. When I see her it is amongst a group of people with whom we are both friends. Ignoring her completely would be suspicious behaviour indeed. I think BB07 has it right. And I do not harbor illusions that we will ever be together. But I'm in love with her and it hurts like heck. (She knows it, too!) How do you not be in love with someone? @ In Repair - That's okay. You're faced with a real conundrum. Because the one thing you can't do (NC) is the one thing that can eventually lead to the answer to your last question. You stop being in love with someone when you remove them from your life, and stop emotionally investing in them completely and totally. There aren't any good ways out of this for you. Unless something 'poison's the well' and destroys your relationship with her from the outside, NC is the only other option to get there...and it's the one option that you see as not possible. I wish you the best...there's just not any great advice I can give you that holds a chance of resolving your issue WITHOUT that major life change.
ladydesigner Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 You're faced with a real conundrum. Because the one thing you can't do (NC) is the one thing that can eventually lead to the answer to your last question. You stop being in love with someone when you remove them from your life, and stop emotionally investing in them completely and totally. There aren't any good ways out of this for you. Unless something 'poison's the well' and destroys your relationship with her from the outside, NC is the only other option to get there...and it's the one option that you see as not possible. I wish you the best...there's just not any great advice I can give you that holds a chance of resolving your issue WITHOUT that major life change. I wholeheartedly agree with owl's wise words. NC was the only thing that allowed me to get over my XOM. If I were in LC I would be in so much pain, as much as I liked being his friend too I knew I still had feelings for him. If my XOM were to pop back into my life with LC I would be in pain again. There is no easy way. Joey I know your situation is TMI but is it at all possible to just find a new group of friends? I'm assuming your wife knows these people as well, that would make things difficult. Can you look into relocating to live somewhere new. Make a fresh new start for you and your wife. I believe you are still married right? Sorry if I am confusing you with someone else. I'm sorry you are hurting Joey. I have been NC for a year now (yay!!) and I still have days where I find I miss my XOM. These things are so hard to get over. I still have a very hard time dealing with my feelings of being rejected buy my XOM...it stings and I try to push it out of my mind as much as possible. NC is hard but it definitely lessens the pain.
jthorne Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Have you thought about telling your wife you are still in love with someone else?
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 How can you get over her if you have LC with her? NC is the way to go that way you can push her out of your head, knowing NC is in place. Why the LC? What's the point of it? Does it help you get over her or make you feel worse? Obviously seeing her did a number on you, so take control and tell her no more contact. Just takes time, like everything else. Allow yourself time to grieve, try not to let your mind think of her, etc.. Remember why it's over.
Tsm Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 At BB what you said about accepting that he will always love her and accept that. I agree with that fully,as i think the more you deny feelings the more they come about, and you dont have time to deal with as you are busy fighting them. This complete nc i dont see whats wrong with saying hello to someone really. But J it gets better with time, just hang in there.
secretlady76 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hi Joey, I think you won't get over this until you're fully NC. I found that the whole situation was like a game of snakes and ladders....you spend so much time, energy and emotions climbing up the ladders, but, the minute you see them, you slip down the snakes back to square 1 in a matter of seconds. I have to say that now I am NC it has helped me no end. I am no longer in a panic/pleasure/pain zone I used to be in when I knew I had to see MM. No longer torturing myself over the looks, body language, conversation we did or didn't have, wondering if I should or shouldn't contact him and if I did; would or wouldn' he reply. I feel I am out of my chains I created (with the help of him). I have a horrible feeling that his need for 'ego-stroking' may pull him towards contacting/seeing me again but with each passing day I am stronger and I can see how 'not worth it' he really is. I wish him well, but, you know, I don't need him anymore. I hope you can find a way to NC before you waste any more years emotionally hurting over MW. Stay strong.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 MW and I have been LC since March. I hadn't even seen her for six weeks, until yesterday. It all came flooding back. Pathetic, I know. It makes me wonder if I'll ever truly get over it. I'm in love with her and I think I always will be. so you are in love with a lying cheater. aye yi yi.
Author joey66 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Thank you all. You help me more than you can know! @jthorne - Absolutely not!
ladydesigner Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Thank you all. You help me more than you can know! @jthorne - Absolutely not! So what are your thoughts now joey on how to move forward?
pureinheart Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 MW and I have been LC since March. I hadn't even seen her for six weeks, until yesterday. It all came flooding back. Pathetic, I know. It makes me wonder if I'll ever truly get over it. I'm in love with her and I think I always will be. Hi Joey, in no way do I mean this in a rude manor...just a possibility, if not then please disregard this post. ExDM has always desired and sought after what he thinks he can't have...it makes it more appealing in some sense. It was a ridiculous dance that I was a party to and didn't understand. I am of the belief that if you love someone, you go for it...no games, no nothing, just do it. Hang in there Joey and have a really good M!!!!!!!
Author joey66 Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 So what are your thoughts now joey on how to move forward? A fine question, that. I saw her again yesterday and she was very friendly. She chatted me up, asked about my son. (She and I both have teenagers and the stress that comes with them. It was one of the bonds we shared that started this whole mess.) And she looked fantastic. I suspect she made sure she looked fabulous before she dropped by. This is a pattern that we were in for a while. She goes out of her way to be around me (which she does not have to do - she never has to see me if she doesn't want to), acts very friendly, talks to me, etc. Then when I start to get my hopes up she acts very cold and ignores me. Sometimes I think it's a game to her. She knows full well that I'm not over it. I have made that exceedingly clear. I plan to just be friendly and feign indifference when I'm around her. I'll do my suffering in private. Or here, more likely.
Spark1111 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 A fine question, that. I saw her again yesterday and she was very friendly. She chatted me up, asked about my son. (She and I both have teenagers and the stress that comes with them. It was one of the bonds we shared that started this whole mess.) And she looked fantastic. I suspect she made sure she looked fabulous before she dropped by. This is a pattern that we were in for a while. She goes out of her way to be around me (which she does not have to do - she never has to see me if she doesn't want to), acts very friendly, talks to me, etc. Then when I start to get my hopes up she acts very cold and ignores me. Sometimes I think it's a game to her. She knows full well that I'm not over it. I have made that exceedingly clear. I plan to just be friendly and feign indifference when I'm around her. I'll do my suffering in private. Or here, more likely. I know you are in love with this woman....but I am not sure why. This is cruel and manipulative behavior on her part. DO you not see this???? You are not good enough to leave her marriage for...but she'll flirt with you while dressed to the nines just enough to ensure you are still gaga over her?????? Then when you get too intense, you meet cold indifference from her??? Joey, you and your love are being USED BIG-TIME to stoke her ego! She wants to make sure you still love her enough because it makes HER feel good she still has that power and control over you. What a predatory thing to do to you. She doesn't care HOW TWISTED IT MAKES YOU FEEL!!! Pick up the phone and start sexily talking to your wife whenever she comes by to chat you up looking fabulous. This is pure manipulation of your emotions for her personal ego boost. Start getting angry, Joey66. Good and angry at this shoddy lack of respect for your feelings. That's how you will get over her.
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