april17 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 My parents have been happily married for over 20 years. However, the past 2 1/2 years have been different. My dad has been having an affair with one of my teachers from the past. Crazy, right? How can i be so sure? I've seen things and heard things that just dont happen by coincidence. It's a lot to explain given 2 1/2 years to develop, but im positive they are and its screwing me up in the head. I told my best friend and shes been with me the whole way. Im a shy person and i dont know the best way to confront my dad even if i had the courage to. if i told my mom, shed probably end up yelling at me and freeking out, punishing me for lying or something and shes incredibly scary when shes angry. i cant tell my siblings, they suck at not telling. Ive tried my dads mom (grandma) she didnt believe me. the whole situation is just crazy and i dont know what to do. oh and theres a bit of an age difference between my dad and her and im 16. i could really use some good advice, not the old fashioned just talk to him and tell you how you feel or any of that crap. thanks.
woinlove Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Sorry you are caught in the middle of this. A parent's infidelity is really tough on teenagers. Your father will almost certainly deny/lie if you confront him. This is the typical response to anyone who doesn't come from a position of condoning and supporting the infidelity. Also, your mother will likely deny. Unless past infidelity has already been exposed, most married people have a difficult time believing their spouse could be unfaithful until presented with evidence which cannot be denied. However, a seed can be planted which will later lead to them finally discovering the infidelity or forcing a confession. Which parent is usually most there for you, supporting you and helping you with problems (not related to your parents)? You might talk to whichever parent that is and take the approach that this makes you feel bad, no matter exactly what is going on. You might consider asking to go to a counsellor who could help you feel better about this no matter what your parents do. If your father's infidelity does come out into the open, you can expect your mother to go through an extremely painful time and home life will be very rough for a long time whether or not the marriage survives. Again, so sorry you are in the middle and perhaps others here have directly dealt with teen children in your situation and will have more advice. I have only seen it from a distance.
Author april17 Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 My parents have been happily married for over 20 years. However, the past 2 1/2 years have been different. My dad has been having an affair with one of my teachers from the past. Crazy, right? How can i be so sure? I've seen things and heard things that just dont happen by coincidence. It's a lot to explain given 2 1/2 years to develop, but im positive they are and its screwing me up in the head. I told my best friend and shes been with me the whole way. Im a shy person and i dont know the best way to confront my dad even if i had the courage to. if i told my mom, shed probably end up yelling at me and freeking out, punishing me for lying or something and shes incredibly scary when shes angry. i cant tell my siblings, they suck at not telling. Ive tried my dads mom (grandma) she didnt believe me. the whole situation is just crazy and i dont know what to do. oh and theres a bit of an age difference between my dad and her and im 16. i could really use some good advice, not the old fashioned just talk to him and tell you how you feel or any of that crap. thanks. oh and they've had a kid together. seen my dad buy the tests and when we were driving to take my grandpa out for his birthday my mom was talking about how my cousin was pregnant ad could get her kid induced or whatever so she could have it like a week earlier so my other cousin could go with us on our trip and my dad was like yeah i know this person that did (job) and she had hers induced on the weekend so she could go back to work. yeah, same description and job.
woinlove Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 If your father's infidelity does come out into the open, you can expect your mother to go through an extremely painful time and home life will be very rough for a long time whether or not the marriage survives. I should clarify this statement because I don't want to leave the impression that it is worse if things come out in the open. Certainly the intense pain is worse. However, almost all spouses who learn of infidelity wish they had known sooner. Most look back and can't believe they missed all the signs because they trusted their spouse.
Author april17 Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 I should clarify this statement because I don't want to leave the impression that it is worse if things come out in the open. Certainly the intense pain is worse. However, almost all spouses who learn of infidelity wish they had known sooner. Most look back and can't believe they missed all the signs because they trusted their spouse. yeah, but i dont want to be the one to put it out there. except i want my mom to know before their next anniversary (in a month) but i dont really know what to do.
Sophia8 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation. You mentioned that you are a shy person, why not write down everything that you would like to say your dad that way it will take of some of the pressure from you. You may not want to start off by writing about how you feel straight away, start with the facts, such as your dad having an affair and why you think this is. Then say to your dad that you would like to talk about something important, if you struggle then hand over what you have written. It may even be easier to say to both your mum and dad that you want to speak to them together. I agree with the above about may be seeing a counsellor to help you deal with things, to talk things through with them.
Gfkr2 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 HI April17, I have a daughter the same age as you and she is facing the exact same situation with her Mom who had an affair. You are definately not alone here, as unfortunately many parents end up cheating and hurting their families.. My daughter was very smart like you. She picked up on things with her Mom that went right by me. I am sorry to say she also checked her Mom's cell phone and found many terrible text messages. It's ok to feel confused this is a difficult time for you. Have you talked with your close friends about the situation with your Dad? Don't be afraid to confide in your close friends as they will want to be there to support you. You did the right thing in telling your grandma. My guess is she likely believes you, but wants to keep you from getting hurt further with the whole mess. I suggest you speak with your Mom. It is very important for your Mom to understand what you know and not hold all of this inside. If you are afraid to talk with Mom, just leave her a private note or card telling her how much you care about HER and your family. Some adults react better to getting a note, plus you can't yell at a letter. I don't think there is anything to be gained by confronting your Dad. You are very courageous for wanting to do this, but confrontation about an affair should be left to your Mom or Grandma. You should NOT confront your Dad- got it? I want you to know there are many people here thinking an wishing you the best. Please respond back here so we all know how you are doing with this unfortunate situation.
Author april17 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 HI April17, I have a daughter the same age as you and she is facing the exact same situation with her Mom who had an affair. You are definately not alone here, as unfortunately many parents end up cheating and hurting their families.. My daughter was very smart like you. She picked up on things with her Mom that went right by me. I am sorry to say she also checked her Mom's cell phone and found many terrible text messages. It's ok to feel confused this is a difficult time for you. Have you talked with your close friends about the situation with your Dad? Don't be afraid to confide in your close friends as they will want to be there to support you. You did the right thing in telling your grandma. My guess is she likely believes you, but wants to keep you from getting hurt further with the whole mess. I suggest you speak with your Mom. It is very important for your Mom to understand what you know and not hold all of this inside. If you are afraid to talk with Mom, just leave her a private note or card telling her how much you care about HER and your family. Some adults react better to getting a note, plus you can't yell at a letter. I don't think there is anything to be gained by confronting your Dad. You are very courageous for wanting to do this, but confrontation about an affair should be left to your Mom or Grandma. You should NOT confront your Dad- got it? I want you to know there are many people here thinking an wishing you the best. Please respond back here so we all know how you are doing with this unfortunate situation. I have told my best friend and shes been with me since the beginning. Can't tell my other friends cause they cant keep their mouth shut that long. Im not too shure my grandma believed me. she told me my dad would never do anything like that. well i could prove her wrong in a heartbeat but i dont know. Im thinking my grandpa might know something but im not sure... i believe my mom should know. its not fair for her to be kept ion the dark in this for so long, but i really dont want to be the one to tell her and give the proof...but theres probably no other way she would find out soon... the whole situation sucks and its a bunch of b.s. and im done. hate it. just want something to get out there already...
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