Should I try to mend the relationship, be friends, or just let it go

[Gameover87]

I have been seeing this girl for a few months, this week she broke it off with me saying she felt like i didn't like her. She goes on to say, " as far as saying anything to make me think u didn't like me, u didn't. u just didn't show any kind of interest in me". Then she goes on tell me that she felt like she was making all d effort make this work, but admits our schedules left very little time hangout since we both go to different colleges hers("stl"Missouri) mine("edwardsville"Illinois) and work. Then she tells me that I'll give u another chance, but we're friends until u prove me wrong.

 

I like her a lot, and really wish things wouldn't got this bad, but should I try to put the pieces I broke back together or leave them. A part me of me wants to fix it, i'm just completely confuse because i didn't see this coming.

[Don Ho]

Hi Game. Of course you're confused and understandably. You didn't give us many details about how she thought you didn't show her that you liked her. She sounds a little immature, but that aside, I do believe that the woman chases the man and that's what you want. I also believe that the woman is also the one to ask you to be in a relationship, not the guy. Otherwise your just another AFC. They don't want a guy chasing them, the want a challenge. She wants you chasing her, but if you did she would dump you because you did. Ironic, huh? Now, it's hard to say what you didn't do, but it sounds like you possibly laid back too much. I would lay off the heavy talk completely!! You can make some efforts to see her, show you her like her, but continue to let her chase a bit.

 

Here's what I would do: I would get a hold of her and say something like "hey lets kick it on Sat (or whatever day)". If SHE brings up that you're not into her, just say "I do really like your company. Do you think we can get together and enjoy each other's company?" If she tells you she wants an answer and "we're friends until u prove me wrong", the AGREE (with the idea of letting your low pressure outings work into more). Ok, so be friends. DATE her. Don't worry about the sex, let her initiate it if she wants. Have fun. Take some pressure off the situation. Continue to tell her "that you like her company and want to spend time together". Show her you want to spend time with her.

[Gameover87]

I have been seeing this girl for a few months, this week she broke it off with me saying she felt like i didn't like her. She goes on to say, " as far as saying anything to make me think u didn't like me, u didn't. u just didn't show any kind of interest in me". Then she goes on tell me that she felt like she was making all d effort make this work, but admits our schedules left very little time hangout since we both go to different colleges hers("stl"Missouri) mine("edwardsville"Illinois) and work. Then she tells me that I'll give u another chance, but we're friends until u prove me wrong.

 

I like her a lot, and really wish things wouldn't got this bad, but should I try to put the pieces I broke back together or leave them. A part me of me wants to fix it, i'm just completely confuse because i didn't see this coming.

 

Okay I'll try that

[Don Ho]

Good. There's always a fine line between "pushing and pulling". Maybe you were pulling away too much and she was frustrated. That doesn't now mean push too much and turn into a total pussy like the average Joe. So. You're gonna do a little low key pulling, keep it light, have some fun and re-assure her.

 

I did something similar recently, I was dating this gal for 6 weeks and she kept wanting to know in a casual way what I thought of our situation and her. I played it too cool. Then she pulled away and I, like most guys, pushed too hard. You know you get that feeling inside that they're leaving you and you chase. I didn't go overboard, but I went to her house after she told me not to and she went sideways. Now my only choice is to go NC and see if she cools down and comes back.

 

Anyway, you didn't push too hard, but probably didn't give her much of an idea of where you stood. Again, that doesn't mean push too much or profess your love to her (don't do that!). Play it cool like I suggested and see how she responds. And if she keeps pressing you about what you didn't do, just keep re-iterating you want to spend time with her, enjoy time with her and let all that other stuff left alone for a while.

Edited August 3, 2010 by Don Ho

[Gameover87]

I have been seeing this girl for a few months, this week she broke it off with me saying she felt like i didn't like her. She goes on to say, " as far as saying anything to make me think u didn't like me, u didn't. u just didn't show any kind of interest in me". Then she goes on tell me that she felt like she was making all d effort make this work, but admits our schedules left very little time hangout since we both go to different colleges hers("stl"Missouri) mine("edwardsville"Illinois) and work. Then she tells me that I'll give u another chance, but we're friends until u prove me wrong.

 

I like her a lot, and really wish things wouldn't got this bad, but should I try to put the pieces I broke back together or leave them. A part me of me wants to fix it, i'm just completely confuse because i didn't see this coming.

 

I have another problem her birthday is august 15, and I was planning on getting her a dozen roses. Giving 11 real and 1 fake, with a little card saying I will like you till all the flowers die. I saw a guy do it and his girl loved it. After that take her out to dinner, but now I don't think I should do it. It doesn't feel exactly right, i don't know. It might be too pushy

[Don Ho]

NO! Did I tell you NOT to go overboard now!? Do not turn into a big pussy! DO NOT send roses. Waste of money and it won't help. WTF, where do people come up with this $hit? Day time soap operas?

 

Text on like the 10th or whenever the subject comes up and just say "Hey if you don't have plans, I'd like to take you out on your B-day for dinner" That's it! No flowers, no mushy card. If you're genuine, sincere and SHOW her you like being with her that will be enough.

Edited August 4, 2010 by Don Ho

[Gameover87]

I have been seeing this girl for a few months, this week she broke it off with me saying she felt like i didn't like her. She goes on to say, " as far as saying anything to make me think u didn't like me, u didn't. u just didn't show any kind of interest in me". Then she goes on tell me that she felt like she was making all d effort make this work, but admits our schedules left very little time hangout since we both go to different colleges hers("stl"Missouri) mine("edwardsville"Illinois) and work. Then she tells me that I'll give u another chance, but we're friends until u prove me wrong.

 

I like her a lot, and really wish things wouldn't got this bad, but should I try to put the pieces I broke back together or leave them. A part me of me wants to fix it, i'm just completely confuse because i didn't see this coming.

 

okay got it

[leavesonautumn]

She said she wants to stay friends until you prove her wrong. If you think this is actually how she feels, she is testing you. The thing you DON'T want to do in this case is act cool and back off completely. You should totally send her flowers on her birthday. Don't write anything special on the card, just send the flowers. It shows you care and you're thinking about her without being too in her face. This is assuming she wants you to prove you like her. Personally, I don't think this is going overboard. It's showing you are at least thinking about her. She is telling you she wants you to prove it. This case is a lot different then others, assuming she is being honest. You should ask her if you can take her out for her dinner as well. Remember, you are trying to prove that you care about her. Since you weren't together long, this is the crucial moment to see if you both want a relationship with each other. I find this happens a lot during the beginning of a relationship with younger people.

[Gameover87]

I have been seeing this girl for a few months, this week she broke it off with me saying she felt like i didn't like her. She goes on to say, " as far as saying anything to make me think u didn't like me, u didn't. u just didn't show any kind of interest in me". Then she goes on tell me that she felt like she was making all d effort make this work, but admits our schedules left very little time hangout since we both go to different colleges hers("stl"Missouri) mine("edwardsville"Illinois) and work. Then she tells me that I'll give u another chance, but we're friends until u prove me wrong.

 

I like her a lot, and really wish things wouldn't got this bad, but should I try to put the pieces I broke back together or leave them. A part me of me wants to fix it, i'm just completely confuse because i didn't see this coming.

 

Yeah leavesonautumn we are young she's 21 and i'm 22. Don Ho do you have a response to this because what leavesonautumn wrote does sound like it might be right and i feel that it is.

[EthanH]

I can understand you are confused, but the very fact that you wrote on here asking what to do shows something is wrong. Apart from anything, you know how you feel about her, you just need to have the confidence to fight for it, which ironically is exactly what she cited as the problem. You need to be decisive. Make a choice and go for it. Even your short writings on here show so much, and in a way, I can understand why she sees things the way she does. She wants a man, not a boy... start behaving like it.

[Don Ho]

Game, I would stick with the program I suggested and not send flowers and all that. I don't think that's going to improve your situation that much, if at all. Likely she might think it's too much from you and it will make her backoff (pull). I'm 45 so I have a little more time in the dating world than you do. I think you can demonstrate your interest in her by your actions, by making effort to spend time with her, not by sending flowers and so on. You can call it "overboard" or whatever you like, I think I would go incrementally and go from there. Start showing interest. You can always step it up later based on her reactions or lack of reactions. Remember, you're going from "pushing" her away to "pulling" her in a little now. You don't need to pull hard, you can always increase it. Clearly you can and will do what you want, but I would go with the program and change it as necessary.

[leavesonautumn]

At the end of the day you can chose to send the flowers or not. It's her birthday and she's young, obviously she wants attention and you think she deserves it. It's not as if you are sending flowers and cards every day. Just remember that if you let the day go by without doing anything, she will take this into consideration and she'll probably think "well, I guess he didn't want to show how he felt after all". The concern with her is not what you ARE doing but the things you are not doing. If she doesn't respond positively or just doesn't want you back, then at least you know you did what you could and there are just better girls out there for you.

 

If you don't try, you won't get her back and if you do try and she still doesn't, move on.

[Gameover87]

I have been seeing this girl for a few months, this week she broke it off with me saying she felt like i didn't like her. She goes on to say, " as far as saying anything to make me think u didn't like me, u didn't. u just didn't show any kind of interest in me". Then she goes on tell me that she felt like she was making all d effort make this work, but admits our schedules left very little time hangout since we both go to different colleges hers("stl"Missouri) mine("edwardsville"Illinois) and work. Then she tells me that I'll give u another chance, but we're friends until u prove me wrong.

 

I like her a lot, and really wish things wouldn't got this bad, but should I try to put the pieces I broke back together or leave them. A part me of me wants to fix it, i'm just completely confuse because i didn't see this coming.

 

You're right