andy5 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hi, I hope I have come to a good forum, it seems like it. This could go under a lot of headings and I'm not sure which is best but I wanted to give this one a shot. Let's see, where to start-for about 2 and a half years I was in a long distance relationship with a girl, the first relationship for both of us-but I have to say she was a real, well, character. Now I'm 25 now, I was 23, in grad school prepping to be a teacher, and I finally now am one. I have an overprotective family but they've helped me out at least to achieve a good job, and a good and decent life. We don't see eye to eye on religion issues but other than that it's alright. Now, her, she's 9 years older than me, she was 32 and is now 34. She's a shut in, with either bipolar or personality disorder, she's never tried to work so she can't get government money, her mother is a holy terror, and essentially half the time she's a screaming mess herself who blames everyone else for her problems. She had never dated anyone when we met, she is majorly overweight, and basically, being a nice guy who was taught to look for the best in people, I somehow thought if I was not only her friend but entered into a relationship with her, also my first, that it would turn her around. Now we met online and we didn't get to see each other much-but basically I can tell you it didn't turn her around, and I thought about leaving her a lot but basically I felt sorry for her cuz she had absolutely nothing else going for her, and wouldn't try to help herself. I hung in there a long time, and sometimes when I'd try to leave she'd threaten to kill herself or blackmail me somehow. So I always ended up back with her, but finally I met someone else great all around and I managed to break up with her and move on, just last week. But, although this other girl is nice and normal and a good match for me, I can't help but still feel sorry for my ex, knowing she has nothing else and with her always saying how much she wants me and the life we could have had. The final piece of the puzzle here, besides that sexually I am enjoying myself much more with my new girlfriend, is that after all this time I'm finally a teacher and I'm finally in my own place instead of one owned by my parents, who of course didn't like my ex which is why I couldn't move her in with me. So, I feel this sense of, well, I never did finally give her a chance with us really together in our own place-would it have worked? I don't know, but I don't want to lose my chance with this great new girl who's so wonderful. Also, my ex was a basketcase around roaches, couldn't breathe, and had a ton of problems that again I know could crop up at any time. But despite all this, I still feel bad for her and she's my best friend and I just cry thinking about the good times we had and how now we won't get to live out the dreams we had. So, anyway, I just wanted to ask advice from you all on what to do, what I should do, what I could do, what I need to do. There's the heart, there's the head, there's the libido, they all tell me different things and so do different friends. What do you all think?
Rifareal Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Love is the most important thing if you will ask me. Libido as we age decreases and somehow till it disappears.
DustySaltus Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Sounds like your ex may be a borderline personality. The most important thing to understand about being with a borderline is that you will have to try and fill a hole of endless needs and wants EVERY DAY. If you don't bring 10000% everyday, they will never be satisfied and sometimes no matter what you do they won't be satisfied. Focus on yourself and what you need to make yourself happy. You cannot control other people's lives.
mickleb Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I think we need to put both ladies to one side for a second and face the truth here: that YOU are screaming with issues. You are the one needing some help and I suggest a good deal of therapy. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to be helpful. Why did you pick a potential partner for the sole purpose of 'turning them around'? Why do you think your role in life is to act as some kind of Jesus character? If I were your unwell ex, I'd be SO insulted! How pious! I know you are meaning to do well, here but you have, potentially, created more harm. You have now left the ex for a 'normal' person and are managing to be unfair to the newbie by shuttling your thoughts back and forth to the ex you pity so much! Please: take some time to figure out why your idea of love is so chewed up and, physician? Heal thyself! Honestly, I am not trying to be hurtful but I think this stuff needs to be said if any of the three of you are to have a chance at some real happiness. Take care. x P.S. If you put some line breaks into your posts, you will get more responses. (Again, not being mean, trying to be helpful.)
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