blizzard Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) It comes in waves. I have been keeping "How long have you been talking to 'Bob' online" sitting in my saved inbox for two months now. Contemplating on what to do with it. Do I anonymously apply? I would prefer him not to know that I am in the picture again. We have been NC now for two months. Do I outwardly apply? I have alot at stake. A pending divorce and custody issues. And she does too. Do I walk away...because it has been 2 months now. The dust has settled some though and she might be willing to listen. But not believe me. And run straight to him for more lies. I've studied over her words a hundred times. Taken them in a hundred different contexts. Somedays it seems to be a cry for truth. A sad voice that reached out. Just one small sentence in hopes that it might lead to a book full of revelations. And I feel like I have let her down by my silence. On other days it sounds territorial. Tonight I went as to far as replying but not sending it. In my heart I know I would want to know that he told another I love you. I would want to know the lies...the deceit. The art of his craft. I would want to be introduced to this "OM" that I didn't know. What I wouldn't want is to be rebuilding a marriage where he minimized an affair. And I wouldn't want my spouse looking into my eyes saying I love you and want our marriage to work...yet the next day profess to the OW that I am in love with two women. And while rumor has it being involved with a third. But my head tells me, she has to know in her heart that something isn't right. Just stay out of it. She will catch up to him one day. What's going on with me I'm going nuts. Edited August 3, 2010 by blizzard
BB07 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hard, hard decision. Your motives should be examined very carefully. Don't know if you are familiar with my story, but I thought I was dating a man well on his way to a divorce.....NOT, in fact I was having an affair with a MM unbeknown to me. The way it all came out, is by a certain social network site, where her and I had a little tit for tat going on. I just thought she was pissed because I was dating him, and mostly because I was still involved with him, during a reconciliation, which was fake and the reconciliation was something that I knew nothing about at that time. So I realized she had reasons to be pissed, but I couldn't understand why she was that pissed. Have you confused yet? Anyway......she kept needing me, and I snapped one night with the intent of straightening her out on the facts. Lo and behold, I had none of the facts. In fact this man who I had been dating for almost 2 years was very much living with her until April of this year. So her and I had quite a lot to talk about as you can imagine. It's been great in many ways, we both got the truth, but it's been very strange to say the least. Regardless of what happens in the future, her and I will always be thankful that we now both know the truth. Are you still seeing MM? Is it over? Do you really feel guilt and that the bs has a right to know?
Author blizzard Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 No. When the affair was discovered, he wrote a quaint little email to me with her help. It stated that our "relationship" had been wrong and that they were rebuilding their marriage. And that he wants to gain her trust back again. blah,blah. By the next day, she emailed me in the wee hours. And sent her number. But there was so much chaos. He followed her email asking me not to contact them. He threw me under the bus. Chose his wife. I phoned him a few days later. We said our forever goodbyes. I mailed a closure letter right away...and something meaningful "back" to him at an undisclosed place. The day he received it was the day the BS emailed me. I assumed his mood was little off after reading the letter and receiving the item. She noticed. She knew had to be something related to me. So, yes to answer your question: I was seperated at the time of the affair. And he told me that he was divorcing. That their marriage was dissolving. He was signing a lease...moving out. I knew him prior to this. Had no reason not to trust him. And yes again, I do feel guilty. I wish I knew her better. I want to know her personality...is she naive? does she have self respect? etc. I feel like if she's a kitten then I need to help her. Shake her. Wake her up. But if she is firecracker she might be giving him hell and making him pay his dues for what he's done to her. He painted her as controlling (now I see they all do). I met her once for a bit. She seemed spacey...but nice. She's educated. Worldly. Dunno.
Author blizzard Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Hard, hard decision. Your motives should be examined very carefully. Don't know if you are familiar with my story, but I thought I was dating a man well on his way to a divorce.....NOT, in fact I was having an affair with a MM unbeknown to me. The way it all came out, is by a certain social network site, where her and I had a little tit for tat going on. I just thought she was pissed because I was dating him, and mostly because I was still involved with him, during a reconciliation, which was fake and the reconciliation was something that I knew nothing about at that time. So I realized she had reasons to be pissed, but I couldn't understand why she was that pissed. Have you confused yet? Anyway......she kept needing me, and I snapped one night with the intent of straightening her out on the facts. Lo and behold, I had none of the facts. In fact this man who I had been dating for almost 2 years was very much living with her until April of this year. So her and I had quite a lot to talk about as you can imagine. It's been great in many ways, we both got the truth, but it's been very strange to say the least. Regardless of what happens in the future, her and I will always be thankful that we now both know the truth. Are you still seeing MM? Is it over? Do you really feel guilt and that the bs has a right to know? What a mess! An entire 2yrs of this guy lying to you!? Has it left you feeling a naked with trust issues? I know you loved him.
BB07 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 IMO......the affair is over, right? The email you got from her was 2 months ago, right? If so.........let it go. They are obviously working on their marriage, so I don't see the point in stirring it up now. When she asked.......if you were going to reply you should have then. Now it sounds like you just want to get info or maybe throw in monkey wrench in it for them. I get why, you feel that way, but feeling that way and acting on it are two different things. Walk away is my advice.
BB07 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 What a mess! An entire 2yrs of this guy lying to you!? Has it left you feeling a naked with trust issues? I know you loved him. Naked is a pretty good description. I don't know how I will ever trust another man again......think I'm done.
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