How do you rebuild trust with someone who has betrayed you?

[EmptyPromises]

My ex cheated on me & we broke up. We took a 2 month break and now were thinking about getting back together. I only want to get back together with him if we can build our trust back up again. How can we do that? Another thing, hes going away to school for his last year in a month and I'll be home. Am i stupid for getting back together with a cheater?

[Pyro]

people have the ability to change....for the better or for the worse. To rebuild trust takes patience and time. He has to be able to understand that you are most likely going to be suspicious of most of the things he does. He has to be able to accept that and are you willing to go through that stress? Its not even a guarantee that the trust will ever come back.

 

The fact that he will be gone over a year is enough for me to tell you not to bother because with you not being able to trust him you are going to stress yourself out wondering what he is doing each moment of his day.

[EmptyPromises]

thank you...maybe i will sit him down and have a long talk with him about this & pretty much say exactly what you said. ill see what he has to say and what hes willing to do to help me trust him again. thanks for your help.

[Gfkr2]

My ex cheated on me & we broke up. We took a 2 month break and now were thinking about getting back together. I only want to get back together with him if we can build our trust back up again. How can we do that? Another thing, hes going away to school for his last year in a month and I'll be home. Am i stupid for getting back together with a cheater?

 

If you are married, you could demand a post nup agreement. A post nup is pretty good in discouraging future betrayal, b/c the cheater loses EVERYTHING if he effs up.

[New_Life08]

The problem with betrayers is that they do not think about the big picture. They do not think about what it will take to rebuild trust that is lost. A person has to go way above and beyond normal consideration in order to prove themselves worthy again.

 

What happens is they get emotionally drained and start resenting the consequences of their bad choices. They start feeling confined and stop trying so hard to make things right and they eventually fall back into the old pattern(s)....sometimes with a vengeance.

 

This is not to say there are some people out there who won't change and go the distance to win you over, and prove how deeply they love you. I am just saying there is a difference between a mistake and a character flaw. Figure out which one you are dealing with before you invest yourself into a long-distance relationship.

 

All my best...

[Eeyore79]

I would not get back together with a cheater. If he had cheated on someone else in the past, I'd be inclined to give him a chance and allow him the opportunity to change and be a better person with me, but if he had cheated on me personally he would be shown the door and never allowed back in again. So I think you're crazy if you give him a second chance when he's already shown his disrespect for you.