TheKnox Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hi guys, This is going to be long but I need a place to vent and perhaps some conversation with others who have been through similar stuff. Basically I was with a girl for about 5 years, minus a year in between. When I met her she had 2 kids. We fell hard for each other, moved in together the first month, planned to be forever together and all that stuff. It was magical. A couple years in things got really weird, we stopped having sex, she got all distant, and was really acting funny. I didn't pester her but I felt that ****ty feeling in my gut. She told me over and over it didn't have anything to do with anybody and when I mentioned (almost jokingly) should I move out? She said yes. It was a shock, I packed up and moved out. While getting my own place, I would contact her and she would say we're going to try to be together but live apart, but every time I tried to set something up as simple as coffee it was always "Ohhh maybe next week". Well, it never happened and we didn't talk / I was devastated for a LONG time. Still had no idea what happened. Turns out she got pregnant, from her ex she had the 2 kids with and ended up moving in with him and having a 3rd kid. This is where we cue my stupidity. I take her back, reluctantly, even after knowing what she did. She came on to me strong like we did when we originally met and all that lust just sorta blinded me of what happened before. We made all these plans again and she was so happy that I was forgiving and everything was good for quite awhile. Then she started getting really 'busy' and didn't have time for me, out of the blue. I mean, she was always busy, and we were like best friends so we would atleast catch up on stuff, but got so 'busy' that eventually it slipped that she just wanted to be 'friends'. I was shocked again, as it was around Christmas time and I had bought presents for everybody and really wanted to do the holidays with her. She, again, kept re-assuring me it was nobody else and that she was too busy and it would be better if we were friends. I told her that I can't be her friend and that I'll always want more, so we didn't talk. A few months later after that, she sends me an e-mail saying she misses me and she doesn't know what she was doing and blah blah blah. Everytime this happens where she wants to be 'apart' we stop having sex, she gets really distant and even some points really lashy towards me - but always assures me that it has nothing to do with anybody else. I caught her in a few lies during the 'time apart' and things just seemed fishy, but here we go again... Cue my stupidity yet again. I, again, took her back and we started hanging out. Things were really good this time but I just had this gut feeling that I was setting myself up for failure. So her ex takes the kids for a couple of weeks and she has all this freedom. She told me that she is going to be busy with friends since she doesn't have much time with them (granted) and that we would do something as it is beautiful out and festival season. Well, she ends up going out every night, ignoring me, staying the night at random places, starts acting distant again, stops putting out, and begins to get really bitchy towards me. Wow, repeat situation... again! During the time that she's 'too busy' I am texting her because she won't answer her phone, saying just give me 5 minutes to talk, I know you're really busy. But I wanted to tell her for once that it isn't working out, because I can't handle this with her anymore. Finally a day later she calls and is basically like, "What?" so I tell her I think we are repeating history again and I don't think it's going to work. She said I was too jealous and hung up. I then text/email her pretty much raging because she didn't give me a chance to say anything on the phone before she hung up and she texts me saying to leave her alone. I know she is fooling around when these 'breaks' happen, and she just makes herself feel better by trying to put me in a 'friend spot' so she doesn't feel guilty while she is having a fling. Because everything is always just so good up until a point where I get completely blocked out (in every aspect), lashed at and ignored, for doing nothing. The worst part is she was my best friend. That's what we had so good together, we only confided into each other about stuff, had (what I thought) was really good sex and healthy relationship. She always preached about cheaters because her ex cheated on her and blah blah blah. But did I mention the first time she left her after having that 3rd kid, when she saw me, she was still living with him/lying to him? She would tell him she was going to the gym or was 'really busy' and would start to see me. So all this I already knew, her history, even having witnessed her cheat on her ex with me... but here I am, still crazy upset and very sad that we aren't talking again. I am pretty much 100% sure it was another fling, and even knowing that I am just ruined and pissed off. She has nothing to say about any of it. So here I am at a loss, every time I end up here I get devastated, then a few months (even sometimes a year) later she will call saying she misses me and I end up taking her back, after she lies through her teeth about what really happened each time. I have blocked all contact with her and I know only time will heal but god damn if I don't feel like I lost my best friend/sidekick/lover. I feel so empty, lonely and lost and all I can think about is how (again) she's tramping around, and will call me up in a few months to give me the I'm sorry I miss you bull****. Sorry for the long rant, but if you made it this far, you'll know that I don't have a best friend to vent to anymore. I'm just all torn up inside, anger, sadness, rage and on the side I try to make myself feel better by thinking... Well, she did have 3 kids... A baby daddy who she has been on and off with 100 times that is always going to be in her life. But it all just felt like a lie, all that stuff she told me, and how she knows how against cheating I am, and the only thing I ask for in a relationship is honesty, she was still able to do this to me. It really takes a terrible person to do that to somebody, and even knowing that? It still makes me sad to think she's gone. OKAY! WHEW! Done... If you read this all then wow, good for you. I can't talk about this with my friends because they already ignore the relationship part of my life after they were very against me ever taking her back in the first place. Any words of wisdom? The one year we were apart (the longest time) it took FOREVER to feel alittle better, I did lots of working out, lost some weight, got really social (drank maybe a bit too much)... but right now I don't feel like doing any of that. I'm scared if she came crawling back I would take her again, I don't know. To *ME* she is the most beautiful thing ever, physically and mentally. For some reason I'm really drop dead attracted to her, even over super hot models... it is really weird. Hard to explain. I've never found anybody in my life I was more attracted to! Grr! Rawr! Arg! Ugh!
SoulHappy Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 That's love. Love can make you do things you never thought you would. I have my own story to post which I will do shortly. Hang in there. I know it's hard at times however it will get better for you.
sbradford2 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Sorry to say, but this is no just work it out scenario. This woman/female/girl or whatever you want to call her is no good. She makes time for you but when the next catch comes she's gone. This is not someone that you want to love in the long run. It's probably best to end this right away because down the line you are going to realize how much time you lost when you could have been dating someone that was worthwhile. She got you hooked! Let go. It will take time and alot of hurt but take it one day at a time or you will always fall in her trap. Show her that you are stronger than what she thinks and that you will not put up with her mess any longer.
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