starfan Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) Sorry for the long story. It's been bothering me for several months already. My bf started using a website called DeviantArt two months ago, which you can view all kind of pics, post your own pics, and chat with people. It's called an art community, but for me it is basically a social networking site using art as a connection. Anyways, he didn't tell me his username, but i know it because he uses the same username for everything. So I looked him up one day to see what kind of pics he posted there, and saw him posted different kind of pics (including some of me in lingerie) and talking to a lot of people (most are girls) by leaving comments to their pics. Although most pics he commented was girls' naked pics, which they called 'artistic nude', I was ok with it because most comments was like 'nice pic', 'great shot', 'good work', or 'i love it'. And most important, I think it's pretty much just like guys into porno and naked pics of girls. However, when I looked him up again after several days, the comments become lot more flirty, he would say something like, 'yummy', 'I love this view' (to pic of a girl's boobs), kisses, and even worse I saw him chatting with some girls like:"send me a note if you would like me to help you with certain stuff..." I freaked out after I saw that, so I called him up immediately, asked him if he's flirting with anyone but I didn't tell him I was looking at his chat with girls on that site. He flipped out and told me all the **** a guy would say to make girls think they are very faithful. We got off the phone after he finished his speech. And I start to check his page to see what he says to girls every day since then. Surprisingly, the comments were back to the kind of comments I saw at the beginning. And I saw him leaving less comments than before the talk. Except one girl he's keeping in touch with, but I never saw any flirty words between than. So I didn't say anything about it. So we were back to peace for a couple weeks, then one night when I was sleeping over his place, he told me he wants to do the web cam chat with an online friend of his, and he said she just wanted to see us play with each other, and that's it. I love him, and as long as I don't need to have sex with him in front of a web cam, I am ok with that because it makes him happy. Guess what, the online friend is that girl he's keeping touch with on the art website. After we got off the cam, I asked him how he knows her, he told me he doesn't remember because he added her long time ago. And told me not to worry because that girl is fat, which is totally not his type (I know it's true that he's into skinny girls though). My mind gone crazy and I was trying to figure out what was going on after the whole ting, and finally one day I brought this up with him on the phone. I told him it really made me worry since the web cam thing. He got annoyed because he said he explained the whole thing already and there is nothing going on. So I was like ok, if you say so, just remember what my #1 dealbreaker is. He asked me if I was threatening him, I said no. Then we ended our conversation. The next day I went on his page, I saw him left a flirty comment to another girl, which he has left flirty comment before. One of the comment was : gorgeous ass! my fav view!!! Although I don't see he's flirting with anyone else on the site, this is still not cool. I don't know what else to do because I've already talked to him twice. I just want to know if this is something normal to a guy? Is it considered to be emotional infidelity? Please don't tell me to dump him, because I will decide if this is something I want. But any opinions or experience you can share with me, I'll appreciate it. Btw, we've been together almost year and a half. Edited August 3, 2010 by starfan
Lovelybird Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Your boyfriend's behaviour is NOT acceptable, the things you listed here are not a healthy relationship to begin with. You should leave him and his flirt, and not being his girlfriend, he doesn't treat you like one. Your talk to your bf sounds lame because there isn't any action of yours behind your talk, that means he can do whatever he wants and still have you. the intimate making out is viewed by her is even more ridiculous, this isn't being "please him", this is being "not respect yourself"
ali9878 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 wow! I know exactly how you feel. I just read some comments on myspace my boyfriend left a girl. He said "You look so innocent, bet I can change that!" So i played a prank on him and pretended to be that girl on aim and asked to meet up at walmart. I went to walmart and said..oh hey bf what are you doing here? And he was caught...
Hop_prophet Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 That type of behavior would never be acceptable to me in a relationship. You have told him how you felt and he continues to do this stuff behind your back. He is lying to you and hurting you and I doubt he has much respect for you. If you let him pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable like engaging with him on webcam for another girl, then it will only create resentment and shame you. Do you really want to be with someone who wants to put you in this position? What do you think he would do if one of these women actually responded to him? Maybe you should set him up like Ali9878 did. I would bet on him failing that test.
Sophia8 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 What he is doing is not acceptable, it is hurting you and you have spoken to him twice about it. If he was going to change what he was doing he would have done so after the first time that you spoke to him. He probably sees that he can get away with what he's doing. Personally I would walk away, it will hurt but it will probably hurt you more to remain in the relationship with him constantly doing this.
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