Cammicane Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Sorry in advance that this is so long. I just want to fully explain the situation. So, me and my b.f. have been going out for a year. He's military and has been gone for a month for training. Generally speaking, I don't go out partying without him, but a few things happened that I took issue with and so to be vengeful, I decided to go partying with my friend because I knew he wouldn't like it. I realize this was a very stupid move on my part. Anyway, we ended up partying with a bunch of dudes I know and I got completely smashed, as did my friend. We decided to crash at their house rather than drink and drive. I ended up sleeping in this guy's bed with him and the dog as there was no more room on the couch (4 people squished on it to sleep) and no room on the floor (6 people in this tiny living room). Anyway, we connected on an intellectual level so I spent most of the time in his room talking to him, and a lot of that talking was flirtatious. We ended up cuddling together in an intimate manner, i.e. holding hands, long hugs, facial stroking, etc. It did not go any further than that because thankfully, even in my drunken stupor, I quite clearly considered kissing and beyond as definite cheating. Anyway, looking back, what I did was a lot worse than I led myself to believe at the time. I already told my b.f. that I went to a party, interacted inappropriately with a guy there, but did not kiss, have sex with, etc with him. I didn't want to go into detail on the phone, but I wanted to say enough that he heard it from me before hearing it from somewhere else. I've been doing some soul searching as to how this possibly could have happened as all my friends are military guys and I've never had an issue controlling myself. I discovered that A) I'm lonely in this relationship, and there are a lot of issues I have that haven't been addressed, 2) I like the "mistake" guy even in the stone cold daylight of sobriety, and 3) I have doubts about whether this current relationship is going to work out. Now, I want to just say right now that I'm NOT trying to shift the blame. I accept that this is 100 % completely my fault. My questions are these, 1. How do I explain exactly what happened and all this stuff to my b.f. when he comes back in 3 days. I mean, like the details? 2. What's the best way to regain trust after something like this? 3. Does this mean I'm going to have to stop hanging out with all my friends? 4. Can a relationship work just on love, even if you guys are really different? Thanks in advance for your answers.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 1. How do I explain exactly what happened and all this stuff to my b.f. when he comes back in 3 days. I mean, like the details? 2. What's the best way to regain trust after something like this? 3. Does this mean I'm going to have to stop hanging out with all my friends? 4. Can a relationship work just on love, even if you guys are really different? Thanks in advance for your answers. 1. I think you have given enough detail. Just answer any questions he may have truthfully and call it done. 2. That takes lots of work, so decide if you want to be in this relationship first. 3. If it does... I would probably end the relationship. 4. Only for a few years and after that it takes more and more work each year.
Maggotface Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 1. Well you were kinda drunk so some of the details may be fuzzy but I would be completely honest about anything he asks because if your not your "story" will falter at some point. 2. How to regain trust? Lots of time helps, don't put blame on him, if he wants you to cut off contact with this guy do it. 3. All of your friends? I hope not, if he tells you to stop hanging out with all of them then theres going to be a problem. You might have to stay away from the one guy that you have an attraction to. 4. No, a relationship cannot work on love alone. People want and need several things out of a relationship and if they do not have those aspects they will never be completely happy. Not saying they can never be happy with that person but if there is something missing then the relationship needs to be worked on. From the sound of it you're not very happy in the relationship. Do you love him but it just kinda stops there? You should let him know that you have doubts he might feel the same way and if you know what is lacking in your relationship you guys can work on it.
truelovedoesnthurt Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 it sounds to me like you and your boyf have drifted apart a bit. you've already told him most of what happened so i dont think you need to elaborate anymore but i think you need to have a talk about the relationship as a whole...if you got this close to this other guy and stil like him i think there must be some part of you that isnt being fulfilled by this current relationship. time apart may be what you need... BUT make sure if you do have time apart that its time apart from any guys, you need to think about what you really want in a relationship
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