duypham Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hello, i'm new here and have been doing the NC for almost a month now. i'll give you a quick overview on the relationship. she was in one of my class and we started dating a month after i got the nerve to talk to her. we dated for four months. she went over to Ireland during summer break for a intern and that's when she sent me the letter. Note: I'm her first boyfriend and we're both is 21. i have dated girls before in highschool but not so much during my college years. we never argue and things were always fine; according to me at least. after she sent me the letter she facebook message me and ask how i was doing, assuming i read the letter which i did. i basically responded very positive like nothing had happen and didn't mention the letter, then she responded that she sent me the letter and hinted that i should read it and i'm not going to like what will be in it. i respond back with "i got your letter last week; not unexpected. its all cool" she respond back with things about ireland and "i'm glad to hear you said that" thats the last time we talked and she was the last one to respond. I'm still very confused with the letter and wanted to know if i did anything wrong. LETTER: How are you doing? Things here are just splendid; I am really enjoying Ireland. It is such a beautiful place and there is quite a bit to take in and so many cultural differences. Anyways per promise of mine during that slightly awkward phone call in the airport where you called me out on not really being verbally intimate, this is my best explanation. I don't know if you are necessarily going to like my explanation; it will not be sugar coated but instead the very blunt version, since saying things like they are and not dancing about the topic is often the best way. I guess the reason that I am so hesitant to say anything is because of the way that you take it so seriously, and I can't honestly say that I do. Words are only words and mean nothing surprisingly often. Also, since I truly despise intentionally lying aside from the occasional harmless joke, and you may not like hearing this but I truly don't know if I miss you or not. I notice when we don't talk and you do pass through my mind, but is that missing someone? I don't know. I know that relationships take work and they aren't supposed to be a walk in the park but lately it is becoming more and more like an obligation, an "I should" or feeling of requirement instead of "I want to". You always appear to be so happy to see me and I can honestly say that sometimes there is nothing, no emotion, just a plain old flat feeling of apathy on my side. And it kills me; it weighs heavy on my heart. After about 4 months there should be some sort of emotion there on my part, but there is not. I wish it was much more definitive, but its not and it makes me question everything that I am doing. Its not fair to string someone along while sorting out things. I am at a loss. I don't know anymore what my feelings toward you are. I don't want to string you along while I figure that out; that is too cruel and you don't deserve that. I keep telling myself that with a little more time a moment of clarity will come but it hasn't yet even with all of the time that has passed. So I stay silent because insincerity is not my style and no one deserves it. So that is my explanation, I highly doubt that was what you expected to hear, nor anything that you wanted to; it was not something that I really wanted to say. But it is the truth, plain and simple. The truth is all that I can offer. I don't know if anything that you just read will be surprising or not; you have always been very perceptive and you have made a few comments in the past hinting at the fact that you picked up that vibe. I have sincerely enjoyed the time that we had together and always will, but I can't date you any longer. I'm sorry. And perhaps not telling you this face to face seems like a cowards way out, maybe it is; but I have never been good with verbally expressing myself and the written explanation is much clearer than I could ever say. I'm terribly sorry. Please know that it was not anything that you did; you were perfect and your heart was always in the right place. Honestly. And this may be a mistake, but it is one that I have to make. Also please know that this has nothing to do with the physical distance between us; just emotional distance on my part. I do hope that we can stay friends, but if you are against that I can understand. Take care and best of luck
stillafool Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I'm so sorry you are hurt. She ws honest and direct with her feelings. I know it hurts now but if she had cheated on you with someone else you would feel much worse. It takes a lot of courage for someone to stand up and tell the truth rather than take the cowards way out. I feel it is best that you received the breakup in text this way you can reread everyting to make sure you heard correct. Go complete NC now. Do not bother to respond just go NC.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 And as honest as she'd been, I find it cowardly of her to write instead of talking to you about it. It proves that she likes to avoid confrontations. I'm glad to see you're not too heartbroken over this, and I don't expect you to reciprocate her friendship anytime soon. It just seems like a copout for her, to choose for you what she decided. Of course she wants to be friends if that'll make her conscience feel better. But you're entitled to write her off.
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