Questionable1 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I've been having a lot of problems dating recently and I think part of the problem is that I have strict requirements. I wanted the guy to have the same career as me so we would be able to talk about work easily, do the same activities in our free time, enjoy the same music, food, etc. I basically wanted him to be a replica of myself. I wrote off a lot of otherwise nice, sweet guys because I didn't think that we had enough in common, but I quickly and painfully found out that if I keep doing that, I'm going to be alone for sure. I'm currently dating a guy who I initially wrote off because I thought he was too artsy (I'm very scientific). Fortunately I decided to give him a chance and while we are different in the sense of our careers, our personalities seem to mesh pretty well. But I'm still worried that we are too "different." Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 The best relationships I've had have been with women with complementary tastes to mine, so that we could learn new things from each other, not be clones of each other.
alexlakeman Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 How is it in bed? at this stage, who cares.. it's not like you are looking for a life partner... enjoy the sex
deux ex machina Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 ...I basically wanted him to be a replica of myself... That would drive me up the wall, within 2.2 seconds. ...I'm currently dating a guy who I initially wrote off because I thought he was too artsy (I'm very scientific). Fortunately I decided to give him a chance and while we are different in the sense of our careers, our personalities seem to mesh pretty well. But I'm still worried that we are too "different." Does anyone have any thoughts on this? What matters most are not differences in and of themselves, but in what ways you are different. In my view, while there are certain values that you prioritize and you want to have in common with a mate, variety is the spice of life in other areas. You may not feel the same, though. It might be a good time to assess what you value, and if it corresponds with what your guy holds dear.
zengirl Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I think liking to do some common things is pretty key. I'm a big fan of dates that involve volunteering, activism, etc, so that's something I've always looked for in a guy (I'm not saying he has to work at a soup kitchen 5 days a week, but a guy who doesn't mind spending a day with Habitat for Humanity or something), as well as other things in common we like to do, the same places, etc. For me, it's core values (for a LTR) and then some basic social things like that that need to be in common, as well as just communication style, sexual compatibility, schedules that work together, etc. He also has to appreciate and accept my interests, of course, but I don't mind going along to do something I'm not innately interested in, just the same, and I also don't mind doing some things apart. There has to be balance. I've never dated a man with the same career or without his own interests. I've learned a lot of new things from the people I've dated, and I think they have from me, too. I don't think I'd have fun dating a guy who was obsessed with things I hate or who had no common ground, but a lot of my exes are very far from being carbon copies of me. It's mostly important to complement each other.
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