im 18 and want to date a 14 year old

[Shakz]

Dude, what are you a senior and she's what, like an eigth-grader? Sorry, you are going to get ripped to shreds!

[Green]

Dude, what are you a senior and she's what, like an eigth-grader? Sorry, you are going to get ripped to shreds!

 

how the heck does this help.

 

Yes she would probably be entering high school this school year and he most likely just graduated high school.

 

I think it is perfectly natural for him to feel the way that he does, and that heck it may not even be ilegal and that he should look that up for where he lives.

 

in the most likely even that it is frowned upon by society he should probably just remain friendly with her (no alone time) and persue girls that have reached the age of consent in his state which may be as low as 16 if it turns out 14 is ilegal.

 

This I think is the best advice.

 

Once again OP please don't feel anything is wrong with you for having such feelings and I encourage you to speak with an older brother or family member you think could help. YOu might be able to call the police and ask what the age of consent because you don't want to look the wrong thing up. They might just tell you.

[Shakz]

how the heck does this help.

 

Yes she would probably be entering high school this school year and he most likely just graduated high school.

 

I think it is perfectly natural for him to feel the way that he does, and that heck it may not even be ilegal and that he should look that up for where he lives.

 

in the most likely even that it is frowned upon by society he should probably just remain friendly with her (no alone time) and persue girls that have reached the age of consent in his state which may be as low as 16 if it turns out 14 is ilegal.

 

This I think is the best advice.

 

Once again OP please don't feel anything is wrong with you for having such feelings and I encourage you to speak with an older brother or family member you think could help. YOu might be able to call the police and ask what the age of consent because you don't want to look the wrong thing up. They might just tell you.

 

I'm not judging him, just pointing out that in all likelihood everyone will talk about him behind his back, make jokes about him, women his own age won't go near him, hell, the school counselor might even want to see him. He might even get the crap beaten out of him. If all that's worth it to persue a doomed "friendship" with a girl barely in her adolescence then, by all means, go for it. Not much help, I admit.

[meerkat stew]

Im not the one who went off topic to belittle every one else

 

I don't take it as "belittling" when someone vehemently disagrees with me. Saying once again, if you feel belittled, disagree with the points made as opposed to complaining about them being made.

[meerkat stew]

Hello Meerkat Stew,

 

Well, Dads who have a problem with it just want to protect their daughter. There's nothing wrong with that at all. It sounds like the father of the girl you dated when you were younger didn't consider you to be a threat to his daughter in any way, which is fine.

 

Yeah you are right about the proper age of the girl changing over the years. My grandparents got married when they were both 16 years old, and were happily married until my grandmother died of cancer before their 50th anniversary. They were young when they got married, but were very mature and focused.

 

Concerning differences in age, many older than 18 year old guys like to date women who are much younger than they are. For example, many 40 year old men like to date women 18-25 ish.

 

If the original poster just waits till she is 18, then that would be better for everyone involved, I think, but 4 years difference is not a horrible distance between them.

 

For me, I definitely wouldn't date a man old enough to be my Dad but some women do. Usually I date men who are 2 years older than me. 4 years isn't bad at all though, but yeah nowadays, it's best for the girl to be an adult!

 

Restating, most of my friends were dating younger girls, the 18 y.o. women were already shacking up with college and even older guys. It wasn't just me who was deemed acceptable to date the younger girl, there were maybe 40 of us guys doing so in a small high school. This was the 80s also (in the bible belt!!), not the 50s. Admittedly, there was lots of "17 and 15" in this mix, but I just don't see much difference between 17 and 15 and 18 and 14.

 

Thing is, we don't know if OP is the type to be considered a "threat" either, and would suggest that his coming here is evidence he doesn't have bad motives. Most kids just do what they want without even stopping to ask adult advice. This thread isn't about a parent's prerogative to supervise their children's social lives, but rather whether there is anything inherently wrong in an 18 y.o. dating a 14 y.o. This thread isn't about the individual characteristics of the kids in question either because we don't know them. Some 14 y.o.s out there are already heavily involved socially in totally healthy ways. Everyone knows girls tend to mature emotionally and socially faster than boys, other than that generality, we don't know anything of the two in question.

 

Don't you think "waiting til 18" is a bit much? Young people date, go to dances, proms, hold hands, make out, and do everything adults do whether we like it or not. Admittedly, I don't have a 14 y.o. daughter, and if I did, unsupervised dating would likely be prohibited. But if the right kid came along, 18 or 15, I'd definitely be inclined to let them socialize in a supervised way as opposed to keeping her under lock and key. She's going to be driving a car more likely than not in just a couple of years, and the more control I would have over the socialization process untill then the better. Would rather that than have them get in a car at 16 and go hog wild due to feeling repressed.

[carhill]

"You can love someone and be wrong for them."

 

The speaker: Elvis Presley, reflecting upon his life with Priscilla, whom, with a 10 year age difference, he met when she was 14 1/2, courted (for eight years) and later married.

 

It's probably safe to say that, at 18, Elvis was interested in sex

[harmfulsweetz]

I have to say I'd give this girl a miss. She's 14. Too young. Right now, sex 'doesn't interest you' but it WILL in the future, possibly the near future.

 

4 years is nothing, if you are both legal adults, and both have the life experiences to back up the choices you make. That means at say, 20-24 there's no real problem there, or issue, even 18-22 no issue. 14/18 is an issue, not just a legal one but a sociological one. It suggests you can't interact/mingle/ cope with people your own age group, people you should be able to interact with and date. Instead, you're dating in pools of younger girls, which suggests to all and sundry that you feel inadequate for your own age group. That is a problem, coupled with all the legal problems and I think we have our reasons as to why this is a no-go area.

 

You may not be having sex/be interested in that, but everyone, and I mean, near to everyone, will think you are. Including her parents. You don't have to have had sex for her to claim you did and for your reputation to go sour, and people avoid you like the plague. People will look at you as if you are even if you aren't.

 

I knew this girl once, she was 17 when she started dating this 29 year old. See that's nothing really, to some, but to us, her friends, we thought it was borderline disgusting, because we believed he was older than what he said he was. The major concern and gripe was-why is he mooching around younger girls? Is it because he does not fit in with his own age group? Is he attracted to girls as young (or younger?) as 17 and only those girls? It raises flags, and eyebrows.

 

Do you actually think you'll have a lot in common for a long time? Right now, maybe so, maybe you're like best friends and can talk about anything together, and have so much in common, but a few months down the line, I'll bet you have nothing in common or very little.

[meerkat stew]

The major concern and gripe was-why is he mooching around younger girls? Is it because he does not fit in with his own age group? Is he attracted to girls as young (or younger?) as 17 and only those girls?

 

Men date women who accept their advances, end of story. It really is that simple. Average and even above average men have little control over which woman is available and interested and which is not. It's hard to tell a 17 y.o. from a 24 y.o. woman in many cases.

 

When I was 28, I was dating an 18 y.o. and a 38 y.o. Why? because they were the ones whom I approached who were interested. Nothing to do with "mooching around" a certain type or age of woman or any character flaws.

 

Women would do well to at least -try- to understand the dating process from a male perspective before making character judgments based on what woman a man is dating at any given time. In almost every case, it's a simple matter of her being the one who said "yes," and usually not a reason to be "disgusted."

[harmfulsweetz]

Men date women who accept their advances, end of story. It really is that simple. Average and even above average men have little control over which woman is available and interested and which is not. It's hard to tell a 17 y.o. from a 24 y.o. woman in many cases.

 

When I was 28, I was dating an 18 y.o. and a 38 y.o. Why? because they were the ones whom I approached who were interested. Nothing to do with "mooching around" a certain type or age of woman or any character flaws.

 

Women would do well to at least -try- to understand the dating process from a male perspective before making character judgments based on what woman a man is dating at any given time. In almost every case, it's a simple matter of her being the one who said "yes," and usually not a reason to be "disgusted."

 

 

Picking up people who are younger by those standards such as 18/14 y.o does suggest a character flaw, if those are the only people you pick up. In your circumstance, you mentioned that you went ten years younger as well as ten years older, then this doesn't really suggest anything, but what I am trying to say is that by picking up only younger/older women (if these women are the only ones you go for) it does indicate an esteem/adequacy issue.

 

i.e. OP is 18 now, and he is drawn to a 14 y.o girl. It may be fine and not indicate anything about his personality/character flaws etc if this is the only time he is drawn to younger girls, she isn't a woman, she is a girl. And some would classify OP as a man now. However, if say, the next girl he likes is of a similar age to the current girl, there may be a pattern and this may indicate he feels inadequate around girls/women his own age. I'm not trying to say this is most definitely a character flaw, heck, I've liked younger guys before (not significantly) but if it turns into a pattern, then it does indicate something.

 

Also, OP has already indicated that he feels out of his depth with girls his own age who apparently are only interested in sex, to which, he is not interested at all. Does this not suggest a reason as to why he is drawn to someone younger? He feels inadequate and not yet ready to deal with such issues as sex, which he deems all girls his own age only interested in. I may be off the mark completely, but I think his lack of a sex drive/interest is key here, in why he isn't able to form a relationship with someone on his own level. JMHO.

[sally4sara]

Men date women who accept their advances, end of story. It really is that simple. Average and even above average men have little control over which woman is available and interested and which is not. It's hard to tell a 17 y.o. from a 24 y.o. woman in many cases.

 

When I was 28, I was dating an 18 y.o. and a 38 y.o. Why? because they were the ones whom I approached who were interested. Nothing to do with "mooching around" a certain type or age of woman or any character flaws.

 

Women would do well to at least -try- to understand the dating process from a male perspective before making character judgments based on what woman a man is dating at any given time. In almost every case, it's a simple matter of her being the one who said "yes," and usually not a reason to be "disgusted."

 

At 14, I barely knew what to do with a man's advances, let alone how to speak my mind. I was still learning my mind. I can say with certainty that at age 14, if an older boy made advances, I would not have known how to make my discomfort clearly known and I would not have been looking at the bigger picture even if I'd found him attractive too.

 

We don't know what this 14 year old looks like. I remember a picture of my greatgma at just under age 13. She looked much older and yeah, she was married off in the next year, but it was a different time. Even then, it wasn't a wonderful union. It could also be that this 14 year old looks younger than her age and his attraction to her suggests something more sinister. But you go ahead and assume its all fine. Something tells me you don't have a daughter.

 

SO WHAT if you knew of 18 year old guys dating 14 year old girls! That was your little slice of life experience. In my little slice of life experience - an 18 year old dating a 14 year old would have been ostracized and suspect. When I was 14, it was '88'. Just because your little slice was different - the input of others is not invalid. Yours isn't invalid either, but you've communicated it already. I'm not sure what you're getting out of freaking out over every post that conflicts with your own. All its doing for me is making me wonder if you have a fetish for 14 year old girls.

 

But in the end, even if she looks older, making his attraction to her make more sense, she is still 14. She is still developing in body and mind. He is 18. Will she be the last girl he finds attractive? Likely not, so its best that he not bother with her. Will he be going off to college next year? If he goes off to college, it will make dating her an even less optimum situation. She will most likely end up discarded for a campus girl.

 

Another point in all this is - maybe he is immature for his age and that is why he is drawn to the 14 yr old. Is that a good thing? For him to stay held back by a level of maturity he should be outgrowing? Would it be wise for him to stay stuck in an immature mentality AND be looked at sideways by his community just because he finds it comfortable?