im 18 and want to date a 14 year old

[veryloney]

Wait till she's 18...

 

if staying friends till she's 18 and im 22 seems just all im really asking i guess... **** my age i dont give a ****. it shouldnt matter about age, ill just wait we'll just stay friends. then when she turns 18 ill talk.

 

DO YOU THINK 22 dating a 18 is gross? im thinking not... but what do u guys think?

 

ill just be a close friend then, thats all im asking then... AM I STILL ABLE TO BE HER FRIEND THEN?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Whether there is proof or not, just the accusation of rape can ruin your life. Thats right, just the accusation.

 

Look pal, you are not thinking this thing through rationally. She is 14 and has no where near the mental or emotional capacity to be in a relationship with no life experience.

Sadly I agree with this op also something to think about you keep saying YOU don't want sex but if im right you also say shes more interested in it? Honestly op if she says "I want sex or im leaving you" what are you going to do in that situation once you two have been together for while and your even more attached? you know darn well your going to give in to keep her at that point don't go there its not worth it if shes that great then shes worth waiting for..

[Eclypse]

Well I can actually relate to the OP. I'm 19 and at the beginning of this year I was at my friends house for a party and no parents were there and everyone got really drunk, especially his 14 year old sister and me and her shared a few drunken kisses. Since then she became mad over me, because I was the "older brothers friend." I was tempted over her too, just like you. But in the end I decided not too, it would have jeopardised a lot of friendships.

 

As Jigsaw always says, make your choice. But be aware of the consequences they might have. If you have any shred of suspicion she'll report you to the police, then she clearly isn't the one for you. I was certain that this wouldn't happen with the girl that I'd been with. Even her mum and brother accepted it because they liked me and knew I was a good guy. But in the end I decided the maturity level was too far apart. At my age I'm busy preparing university exams and going out to pubs with friends, while she can't even do that for another 4 years. 4 years is a long time, and you have to put that into consideration. Let us know what happens.

[Soul Bear]

This thread should be titled ''I'm 18 and want to go to jail''

For a start, she is only 14, and has SO much to learn about herself, life, love etc etc.

This would not only end in tears, but probably a hefty fine and being put on the sex offenders register. My guess is you like her so much because she gives you that feeling of being respected and feeling mature- complete speculation of course!

[Sophia8]

I would really recommend waiting as there are a lot of risks involved, all of which are mentioned above so I am not going to repeat them. Her family could be one of the biggest problems even if your intentions are genuine.

[GorillaTheater]

Hey OP, one of my daughters is 14. If some 18 year-old-guy came sniffing around I'd throw him out on his ass and her brothers would probably take over from there.

 

Just an interesting family dynamic you may want to consider in your own situation.

[Mimolicious]

im 18 years old and i talk to this 14 year old. we have alot in common but we never dated. i like her and i know she likes me becuase we have alot of fun together.. what should i do? i know its wierd asking someone out that is 4 years younger.. btw i do not want sex! i want a friendship to become closer. Id treat her with all the respect in the world becuase she fits my life so well.

 

If in any event this has a technical name: Statutory rape, comes with a 5yr prison term and sex offerder registry membership. All included.

 

You have no business dating a 14yr old. You are entering a total different stage in life, you are now a "young adult". With voting rights, can purchase smokes, drive a car, go to 21 and under clubs, OH and go to college and carry an adult sentence. You are not considered a minor in the court of law or to many things in society.

 

She is a "teenager", that probably likes Hannah Montana, Justin Bieber, and is considered a child.

 

Unless you have medical/mental health issues that don't don't put you in the rank of 18y/o's, there is only so much you and this little girl can have in common. I am sorry but you sound creepy. The majority of young adults your age want to experience sex, party, and do all the things that they basically couldn't wait to do.

[meerkat stew]

Hey OP, one of my daughters is 14. If some 18 year-old-guy came sniffing around I'd throw him out on his ass and her brothers would probably take over from there.

 

Just an interesting family dynamic you may want to consider in your own situation.

 

When I was 18 dating a 14 y.o., her parents were friendly and cool when I went in to meet them before taking her out the first time. After that, on subsequent dates, I hardly ever saw them. She had a curfew later than mine actually. We dated for several months and I still run into her parents from time to time.

 

Most of my friends were 17-18 dating 14-16 y.o. at the time, some in college dating high school BFs/GFs. Nobody got beat up by angry fathers or brothers (as if... we were all athletes in great shape), nobody went to jail, nobody was sat down and lectured about "emotional differences" and other BS. There was no "church of the child" in this country, and the entire popular and legal culture didn't revolve around the frivolous gratification and protection of children. We grew up just fine.

 

My how times change in just a few decades.

[GorillaTheater]

My how times change in just a few decades.

 

You were a swell guy. So was I. And the cop father of a girl I saw for awhile still happened to be cleaning his guns every time I was over.

 

And the 18-14 thing didn't go over too well then, either.

[Rifareal]

The topic is if its ok to date a 14 year old and for me its a yes. In regarding to sex its ideal to do it when your at the right age and also reserve it to the right person.

[sally4sara]

If you care about this girl, you will let her grow up without the drama that WILL ensue from you dating her. You will want her to have a normal life and normal 14 year old experiences.

 

Pedophilia? Too soon to tell. See when you are 14, it is normal to be attracted to other kids around your age. As you age, so too (usually) do the people you find attractive. Being that you're 18, it might be too soon to tell if you're mind is not developing as it should. If you find your taste for 14 year old girls is still around in your mid 20s and on, you might want to seek some professional help.

 

Out of a simple eye on caution, why not leave this 14 year old alone? If you mess with her and then find you never stop being attracted to 14 year old girls even after you become much older - you will have to live with the fact that you molested this one.

[meerkat stew]

Pedophilia? Too soon to tell. See when you are 14, it is normal to be attracted to other kids around your age. As you age, so too (usually) do the people you find attractive. Being that you're 18, it might be too soon to tell if you're mind is not developing as it should. If you find your taste for 14 year old girls is still around in your mid 20s and on, you might want to seek some professional help.

 

In a forum where the absurd rules the roost, the above takes the cake, even by LS standards.

 

Puhleeze, with the pedophile BS, there is nothing whatsoever in posts here indicating any unwholesome tendencies in OP, nor that he will ever need any professional help. I hope he has a more balanced support network than what he is finding here, and suggest he go there for future advice as opposed to coming here where the "church of the child" is always in session and a predator lurks behind every shrub.

 

OP, its a sad fact of relationship forums that many posters have some trauma in their past which colors their judgment unduly, and many others are intent on imposing their victimization poitics on the world. Please consider taking all the alarmist posts you see here in your thread with a gigantic grain of salt.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

i just want help on to make my parents and hers feel that it would be okay... sex doesnt intrest me one bit...

 

 

Why try to fool either set of parents?

 

 

When a 18yo guy to whom sex isn't one bit interesting, and who uses the online nickname "veryloney", starts making overtures toward a 14yo... SHE would do best to run fast in the other direction.

 

 

The sad part is that to a 14yo that sort of "attention" from an older person is flattering and not rooted in personality flaws on her side.

 

She, as a child, is in no position to have the life experience to differentiate right from wrong, and that is the big problem here.

 

If you were 40 and she 36 then of course it would be a meaningless age difference, but at this stage of your respective lives, you are in a world that she has never experienced and it could do significant harm to her emotions.

 

 

The truly selfless move here would be to remain friends with this girl and then believe in your heart that you will meet another, more-nearly-suitable-to-you-at-present girl in the very near future. Fully expect that she, too, will meet a guy more near to her age in due time.

 

This isn't a BIG issue and there certainly ISN'T a black and white line which is supposed to tell you that she is too young.

 

The key concern here is your interest in her, and of course, from your vantage point, you can't identify the root problem.

 

When that girl reaches age 18, and considers her male friends at the time, she will be quite skittish about those among them who seem to need to reach down so far to find someone young enough around whom they can show outward social confidence.

 

This is akin to the person in 5th grade who so often finds themself playing kickball with the 3rd graders at recess. Of course the 3rd graders look up to that person like those in his own grade don't. And of course it isn't against the law if they don't have sex. But there are reasons why that person left his own classmates to go and play with the 3rd graders.

 

If you're a 3rd grader, there is nothing wrong with being drawn to the 5th grader in the crowd, but once the 5th grader turns 18 he should take a deeper look at himself and through greater self-understanding he can modify his own world so that he thrives better in it.

 

I mean, geez, you could commence the deepest, long-lasting romance with her tomorrow, and then 2 1/2 years later she'd be 16+ and you'd be 20+. If she were to awaken one day at that point and want SEX with her boyfriend, she'd still be this underage girl whose persuasive appeal might draw you to having sex with her.

 

In most states this would be perfectly legal by then... but what if it happened well before my 2 1/2-hour example???

 

 

Bottom line: A relationship with an 18yo male is not healthy for a female at the time when she is 14.

[xpaperxcutx]

 

Bottom line: A relationship with an 18yo male is not healthy for a female at the time when she is 14.

 

Another way of looking at it is: Is it unhealthy for an 18 yo to even considering someone that young?

[sally4sara]

In a forum where the absurd rules the roost, the above takes the cake, even by LS standards.

 

Puhleeze, with the pedophile BS, there is nothing whatsoever in posts here indicating any unwholesome tendencies in OP, nor that he will ever need any professional help. I hope he has a more balanced support network than what he is finding here, and suggest he go there for future advice as opposed to coming here where the "church of the child" is always in session and a predator lurks behind every shrub.

 

OP, its a sad fact of relationship forums that many posters have some trauma in their past which colors their judgment unduly, and many others are intent on imposing their victimization poitics on the world. Please consider taking all the alarmist posts you see here in your thread with a gigantic grain of salt.

 

I posted that because I too thought calling him a pedo was a bit over board.

Way to miss the point.

[meerkat stew]

I posted that because I too thought calling him a pedo was a bit over board.

Way to miss the point.

 

Would have been quite simple to say "calling OP a pedo is overboard," but you did not. Instead you said "it's too early to tell whether OP is a pedo or not," then you said, "if you continue liking 14 y.o.s when you are an adult, you might be a pedo" in so many words. Way to miscommunicate.

 

... and to the topic. This thread is just another example of the social damage that 30 years of gender/child victimization politics has done to us as a culture. All we know about OP is that as an 18 y.o. that he is crushing on and wants to -date- a 14 y.o.

 

Then the assumptions start to come in that this equates necessarily to sex, dragging in a ridiculous host of "statutory rape" reactionary posts.

 

Then, of course, the fact that girls mature socially and emotionally faster than boys, a scientifically well-settled -fact- is conveniently forgotten, leading to another host of ignorant "she is just a child and you are a man and having any kind of involvement with you will damage her forever" inanities.

 

Then there are the NIMBY posts, and that makes up many here who have children about that age, whether you state such or not. Your business whether your 14 y.o. daughter dates, but certainly not the grounds for condemning everyone in the world who doesn't think similarly or every 18 y.o. BOY (not man) in the world who has a crush on a 14 y.o. girl.

 

A. Every junior high and every high school in this country is chock full of kids having sex, from the age of 11 up, as apparently lots of lefties thought it was a good idea to give them condoms and tell them sex was OK at their age. (and no, I'm not a republican) So, right or wrong, it's going on right now.

 

B. Every junior high and every high school in this country is also chock full of other kids who are just starting to date, pass notes, hold hands, kiss under a bridge after school, who for whatever reason, religion, parental guidance, etc., aren't going to rush out and start having sex, they just... date each other and have normal young relationships. 14 y.o dating 15 y.o., 17 dating 16, and every other age combination you can imagine INCLUDING 18 and 14. It's completely healthy, we all did it, and they are going to do it whether we like it or not. In fact, if we aren't careful in how we treat these issues, they are going straight to the A. camp as opposed to B. just to spite us.

 

So both of these groups of kids are going to do these various things whether we like it or not. Along comes OP, probably not in the "having sex" camp, or rather no indication that he is, and based on his seeking advice here, probably a pretty thoughtful guy who wants to do the right thing. He comes to the adults to ask advice, and look what he gets, round condemnation, threats of jail, his motives made to look perverse, etc. etc.

 

Since they are doing these things anyway, don't you people think it might be a good idea to have a more tolerant, open minded attitude and give some meaningful advice instead of just lecturing at them? I guess not.

[mixwell]

im 18 years old and i talk to this 14 year old. we have alot in common but we never dated. i like her and i know she likes me becuase we have alot of fun together.. what should i do? i know its wierd asking someone out that is 4 years younger.. btw i do not want sex! i want a friendship to become closer. Id treat her with all the respect in the world becuase she fits my life so well.

 

As many others have said you should stay away dude !! This isn't even worth all of the consequences you could possibly face should things go wrong but you're 18 so I doubt you will listen to what we say until you experience it yourself.

 

The age difference at your time frame is HUGE !! 4 years as you're older is nothing but your mental states are completely different as others have said. Even in 2 years when she's 16 and you're 20 you will mature even more and her mentality will still be (at the 14 yr old mentality) and it will probably be less interesting for you.. It will more like an adult talking to a child.. I once dated a 19 year old when I was 25 and the immature level was crazy, it will be worse for you I think.. Good luck whatever you choose..

[Brady_to_Moss]

HAHAHAHA Your going to get your ass beat...i would kill some 18 yr old punk that would want to date my 14 yr old daughter

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Would have been quite simple to say "calling OP a pedo is overboard," but you did not. Instead you said "it's too early to tell whether OP is a pedo or not," then you said, "if you continue liking 14 y.o.s when you are an adult, you might be a pedo" in so many words. Way to miscommunicate.

 

... and to the topic. This thread is just another example of the social damage that 30 years of gender/child victimization politics has done to us as a culture. All we know about OP is that as an 18 y.o. that he is crushing on and wants to -date- a 14 y.o.

 

Then the assumptions start to come in that this equates necessarily to sex, dragging in a ridiculous host of "statutory rape" reactionary posts.

 

Then, of course, the fact that girls mature socially and emotionally faster than boys, a scientifically well-settled -fact- is conveniently forgotten, leading to another host of ignorant "she is just a child and you are a man and having any kind of involvement with you will damage her forever" inanities.

 

Then there are the NIMBY posts, and that makes up many here who have children about that age, whether you state such or not. Your business whether your 14 y.o. daughter dates, but certainly not the grounds for condemning everyone in the world who doesn't think similarly or every 18 y.o. BOY (not man) in the world who has a crush on a 14 y.o. girl.

 

A. Every junior high and every high school in this country is chock full of kids having sex, from the age of 11 up, as apparently lots of lefties thought it was a good idea to give them condoms and tell them sex was OK at their age. (and no, I'm not a republican) So, right or wrong, it's going on right now.

 

B. Every junior high and every high school in this country is also chock full of other kids who are just starting to date, pass notes, hold hands, kiss under a bridge after school, who for whatever reason, religion, parental guidance, etc., aren't going to rush out and start having sex, they just... date each other and have normal young relationships. 14 y.o dating 15 y.o., 17 dating 16, and every other age combination you can imagine INCLUDING 18 and 14. It's completely healthy, we all did it, and they are going to do it whether we like it or not. In fact, if we aren't careful in how we treat these issues, they are going straight to the A. camp as opposed to B. just to spite us.

 

So both of these groups of kids are going to do these various things whether we like it or not. Along comes OP, probably not in the "having sex" camp, or rather no indication that he is, and based on his seeking advice here, probably a pretty thoughtful guy who wants to do the right thing. He comes to the adults to ask advice, and look what he gets, round condemnation, threats of jail, his motives made to look perverse, etc. etc.

 

Since they are doing these things anyway, don't you people think it might be a good idea to have a more tolerant, open minded attitude and give some meaningful advice instead of just lecturing at them? I guess not.

 

 

I didn't realise this was the meerkat message board please feel free to continue to degrade and discount every one else who doesn't share the same views as you..

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Another way of looking at it is: Is it unhealthy for an 18 yo to even considering someone that young?

 

 

 

This is a slightly tricky question.

 

 

I would say it is more accurate that 'consideration of romance with someone significantly younger like that is a sign of something unhealthy (but not usually perverse) in the older party'.

 

Low self-confidence is probably the greatest culprit.

 

 

 

Your question hit me like: "Is (low self-confidence) unhealthy?"

 

 

Even if it is, one shouldn't be required to treat himself for the seeming ailment.

[Green]

FIRST to all the women who come on here and attack this guy for something MOST if not ALL guys go through. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.

 

I remember well becomeing 18, and 14,15 year old girls would still throw themselves at me. I never did anything because I didn't want to risk the wrath of society but basicaly it was tempting.

 

I really don't think there is anything wrong with an 18 year old guy wanting to date a 14 year old girl he finds pretty. Nothing pedo about it. Problem is you probably live somewhere that this is against the law. So really you should realize that it is a seriouse law and you should probably just follow it.

 

Check the laws of your area, speak to a lawyer maybe. Posibly the age of consent is 14 where you live and then you have no problems.

 

The age of consent is 16 in a lot of places so just have a lawyer look up the law for you or ask a teacher at school or something and just double check what the age of consent is.

 

Please don't let any one on this thread make you feel guilty for what is a natural feeling to have.

[meerkat stew]

I didn't realise this was the meerkat message board please feel free to continue to degrade and discount every one else who doesn't share the same views as you..

 

It is as much the "meerkat message board" as it is the "spanksthemonkey" board, moreso i think because my username is cool and funny and yours is obvious and lame.

 

So continue to flame without addressing the points made, and I will do likewise.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

It is as much the "meerkat message board" as it is the "spanksthemonkey" board, moreso i think because my username is cool and funny and yours is obvious and lame.

 

So continue to flame without addressing the points made, and I will do likewise.

 

Oh gawd yeah what ever you say buddy lol..

 

Im not the one who went off topic to belittle every one else because they didn't agree with you but alrighty what ever floats your boat..

Edited August 7, 2010 by SpanksTheMonkey

[elaina]

im 18 years old and i talk to this 14 year old. we have alot in common but we never dated. i like her and i know she likes me becuase we have alot of fun together.. what should i do? i know its wierd asking someone out that is 4 years younger.. btw i do not want sex! i want a friendship to become closer. Id treat her with all the respect in the world becuase she fits my life so well.

 

Hi Very lonely,

 

It's fine to be friends with her, just don't date her. Be her friend with no sexual contact! Once she is an adult, then if you want and she wants, ya'll can date. Till then though, just be a friend. Ya'll can go to places where ya'll aren't alone, like go bowling or something like that WITH other friends or even take a parent along, if possible. Don't be alone together, but yes it's fine to be her friend, as long as ya'll don't let it get to be more than friends until she and you are older. If you think you can't just be a friend, then it's best to leave her alone for 4 years.

[elaina]

When I was 18 dating a 14 y.o., her parents were friendly and cool when I went in to meet them before taking her out the first time. After that, on subsequent dates, I hardly ever saw them. She had a curfew later than mine actually. We dated for several months and I still run into her parents from time to time.

 

Most of my friends were 17-18 dating 14-16 y.o. at the time, some in college dating high school BFs/GFs. Nobody got beat up by angry fathers or brothers (as if... we were all athletes in great shape), nobody went to jail, nobody was sat down and lectured about "emotional differences" and other BS. There was no "church of the child" in this country, and the entire popular and legal culture didn't revolve around the frivolous gratification and protection of children. We grew up just fine.

 

My how times change in just a few decades.

 

Hello Meerkat Stew,

 

Well, Dads who have a problem with it just want to protect their daughter. There's nothing wrong with that at all. It sounds like the father of the girl you dated when you were younger didn't consider you to be a threat to his daughter in any way, which is fine.

 

Yeah you are right about the proper age of the girl changing over the years. My grandparents got married when they were both 16 years old, and were happily married until my grandmother died of cancer before their 50th anniversary. They were young when they got married, but were very mature and focused.

 

Concerning differences in age, many older than 18 year old guys like to date women who are much younger than they are. For example, many 40 year old men like to date women 18-25 ish.

 

If the original poster just waits till she is 18, then that would be better for everyone involved, I think, but 4 years difference is not a horrible distance between them.

 

For me, I definitely wouldn't date a man old enough to be my Dad but some women do. Usually I date men who are 2 years older than me. 4 years isn't bad at all though, but yeah nowadays, it's best for the girl to be an adult!

Edited August 7, 2010 by elaina