MrNate Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 What's really making me furious is that I have a final exam for accounting that I need to be studying for and I can't focus!!!!! WHILE he's ****ing her!!!!! And I can't focus, I was supposed to be flying there in 2 days!!!!! This is why I'm worried Sass. He hasn't even bothered with you and you're still emailing/texting him. I see where you're going with this as far as trying to make him regretful, but what if he decided to start retaliating just for kicks? Look how much he has you bothered now while he's totally passive...Imagine if he started to get active with this?? He's still screwing her and probably will again tonight. You have to come to terms with this. This is the woman's he's with now. There's a plethora of men out there waiting for a woman such as yourself, and you're denying them that opportunity to meet you when you spend time dwelling over past matters such as these. You can do it sass, focus on that exam, focus on your future success, focus on becoming an even better woman.
Author SassyKitten Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Yeah, but if I don't do anything, I feel powerless. It's a horrible feeling.
Author SassyKitten Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 It's not easy right now, and I have an exam tomorrow while he's screwing her. The STD clinic phone call idea is getting more and more tempting.
CLC2008 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 CLC - Because I have yet to find a man who actually respects my needs in the bedroom, after 28 years of existance! Well what is it that you're more angry over, your "needs in the bedroom" not being met or being cheated on/lied too? I'm not siding with the guy, and you have every right to feel angry, but sending nasty emails and making STD prank phone calls, can be construed as harrassment.
Author SassyKitten Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 I've tried a few people but everyone's busy or at work. What really burns me out the most about this is shortly before he dumped me, I told him about some skeletons in my closet that were completely out of my control, I just like being honest in my relationships. And, the other 2 times I have ever told a boyfriend about these skeletons, they also dumped me immediately for an ex. And it really kills me. Actually, no, that makes it an understatement, but punching me hard enough to give me a black eye would have been kinder.
MrNate Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Yeah, but if I don't do anything, I feel powerless. It's a horrible feeling. You don't have to go through this. What you're doing now is called suffering. Suffering happens when we try to change things out of our control. Then you respond to this in a destructive way, via fight or flight. You can also respond to it constructively, however. In that book I'm reading 'What to say when you talk to yourself' Mr. Helmstetter brought up a powerful saying, one of many things that he believes you should tell yourself to live a better life. It's as follows: "I focus my attention on the things I can control. If I can't affect it or direct it- I accept it." I don't think accepting this would make you feel powerless in the slightest. This sounds like it's hurting your pride more than anything, but at some point you have to stop feeding this idea. You are no less of a woman because of this incident, and the more you act out on this in a negative manner, the deeper the hole gets..and even worse, the harder it is to climb out of.
MisUnderstanding Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Did sending that email make you feel any better? I can guarantee you that you certainly didn't hurt the guy.
2sunny Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Allowing? If I knew how to not allow I would be, trust me. do that! stop thinking about him AT ALL! get busy! go do things you like to do! stay over the top busy! walk, run, paint, use colored chalk if you need to. take a class, see a movie. anything to stay busy!
Author SassyKitten Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Sunny - I've tried those things today, going for a walk and studying that is, and he's still on my mind. I just talked to my roommate. And I'm trying to focus, but I can't. I still feel like this is in my control. And he only turned weird when I disclosed to him certain skeletons from my past. Writing the email does make me feel better, and I'm thinking about going to revengelady.com and using her services
Thorgs Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I am hurting just like you Sassy, but don't do the STD thing. That's extremely low, don't lower yourself to that! We aren't the ones who gave up, they are. Remember that. Go for a run, you will feel better. Trust me!
Author SassyKitten Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Thorgs - I wish I could go for a run, but the weather here at the moment won't allow for it!
Thorgs Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Thorgs - I wish I could go for a run, but the weather here at the moment won't allow for it! Yeah, I hear ya...hmm...maybe watch some TV or something to help take your mind off of him. Anything but try and take revenge. You are better than that!
CLC2008 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Just tell him you're pregnant, that will give him a good spook. Totally kidding, don't do that.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 The p.s. part was unnecessary. Those aren't really kinky types of things. If you are that inhibited, maybe you should rethink those with the next guy. Not saying you have to stay bald all the time, but a guy cumming on you is a turnon to them. I think you might have demasculated the poor guy which made him want to crave his ex.
MisUnderstanding Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Writing the email does make me feel better, and I'm thinking about going to revengelady.com and using her services I get it, you're hurt, but don't make yourself look ridiculous. Do you really want people to perceive you as a bitter bitch after doing the bad things from revengelady? Trust me, revenge will not make you feel better. Concentrate on yourself, do things that generally make you feel good, get a massage, a haircut, go shoe shopping, anything, just stop thinking about him.
CLC2008 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Here, this clip may do the trick. Not to take away from your sadness, but the ending part might lift your spirits. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xiRDsD18W4
Knittress Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hmmm... I strongly dislike the 'you look ridiculous' replies, because I think the last thing you need right now is to feel that there's something wrong with feeling the way you feel. He's a motherf**ker and he should be feeling like sh*t right now not gleefully screwing whats-her-name, while you have to feel twice the misery. It's not fair. He shouldn't get away with it. But there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO. I nearly derailed my whole life over something similar, and while I think 'suck it up because he isn't worth it' advice won't do you much good - it may be something to keep in the back of your mind so you don't TOTALLY go off the deep end. Try not to feed the bad feelings. Nothing is going to make you feel ok, but if you fan the flames of anger they will grow brighter and probably make you do things that you'll regret later. I've had some post-breakup psycho moments and believe me, nothing feels worse than getting so low that you no longer respect yourself and you feel like you're some kind of crazy ugly out-of-control monster that DESERVES badness, because it'll take you years to climb out of that mental hole. Don't do anything to destabilize your faith in yourself right now - you need to keep a grip (by practicing grace you don't feel) on what makes you a good person and hold tight when sh*t hits the fan.
Author SassyKitten Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Hi guys, Thanks to all who stepped in and made me feel better. I was supposed to fly to Hawaii to see him on Wednesday, and I know that the days leading up untill then are going to be extremely emotional for me. On Wednesday, I do have a hair appointment, but I am also open to other suggestions to give me closure to this. It's important, and if and when I ever date again, I would rather not go into it holding grudges. Because as of right now it feels like I'm doomed to be alone, and it's a horrible, gut-wrenching feeling.
MisUnderstanding Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hi guys, Thanks to all who stepped in and made me feel better. I was supposed to fly to Hawaii to see him on Wednesday, and I know that the days leading up untill then are going to be extremely emotional for me. On Wednesday, I do have a hair appointment, but I am also open to other suggestions to give me closure to this. It's important, and if and when I ever date again, I would rather not go into it holding grudges. Because as of right now it feels like I'm doomed to be alone, and it's a horrible, gut-wrenching feeling. See, haircut, good! What helps in situations like that is to realize that you are living your life for you, that you are the most important person you have in your life, and you need to do things that make you happy. You need to let him go and concentrate on making yourself better. He isn't worth it, he isn't even worth your effort of revenge, he isn't worth your thoughts. Take care of yourself.
Author SassyKitten Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Well, not exactly a haircut as I am growing my hair out, but I am getting foils to give myself a nice blonde look. It still won't be enough for closure though, and what I need is closure. He made me feel things I never thought were possible to feel, and it's like a part of me I never knew existed has been ripped away. And it stings like hell.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Well it's not as if anything could ever come of this, anyway, seeing as he lives all the way in Hawaii. Sounds like you bought the plane ticket yourself and are using it for another trip, so it's not like it's "ha ha, you bought the plane ticket, I'm using it for another trip" type revenge. all this dude did was decide to break up with you. Now he's with someone else, be it his ex or whoever. This does not make him evil. People break up everyday. Does that mean the person who ended the relationship is evil? I don't think so.
Author SassyKitten Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Well I was going to move to Hawaii to be with him this December, which really isn't a big deal for me as Georgia bores me to death. And it does make him evil that he dumped me right after I told him about me being beaten as a child! And it's not the first time this has happened either! Unless I beat children, I really don't get why men hold this against me. It's like they're punishing me for this. Me telling him DOES NOT equal me dumping emotional baggage, me telling him means being honest about something that is a huge part of me, that I have put myself through A LOT of work to overcome, but still occasionally have bad days and need a hug. But now thanks to him I am having one bad day after another because of this!!!!
Thorgs Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Something my grandfather always said to my mother, who passed it to me, "Kill them with kindness." You will be amazed at what can come from that.
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