ChiTownBomber Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Background: We've been in a relationship for 5 years now, and it's been great. She's only been in this relationship as something serious. Recently she has been in Boston working on her Masters degree. I am in Chitown since that is where we are from. She recently opened up and said she has a crush on one of her class/coworkers and goes out to lunch a lot and they both flirt with each other. I felt a bit odd about this so I talked to her about it. I am not one to suspect she is "cheating", but the act of the flirting etc really hurts. She said, that she's only been in this relationship and really hasn't been out with other people, and since a lot of her friends from school are single she is caught up with them and their escapades. I am not really sure how to take this. I first thought you can't have it both ways, but I can also understand where she is coming from. What should I do?
truelovedoesnthurt Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 im not sure what to think of this the good thing is that she'd been honest with you about it and isnt hiding anything!! and maybe shes just enjoying the attention because she's used to it from you... however, i can understand your jealousy and the distance probably doesnt make it any easier. she sounds like the honest type so let her know that it worries you because obviously flirting all the time, there is more oportunity for things to go too far, even if she wasnt to do anything the other bloke might not know where he stands, ask her if he knows shes got a boyf etc...let her know that if she wants to be single then she has to let you know because the last thing you want is her cheating on you, and maybe the distance is too much for her?? but let her know you're glad she told you and appreciate her honesty and just reassure her that you stil want to be with her etc. hope this helps G
Spectre Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 If she truly loved you..she would not be having crushes on other people. Drop her, unless you're not in the relationship for love.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Background: We've been in a relationship for 5 years now, and it's been great. She's only been in this relationship as something serious. Recently she has been in Boston working on her Masters degree. I am in Chitown since that is where we are from. She recently opened up and said she has a crush on one of her class/coworkers and goes out to lunch a lot and they both flirt with each other. I felt a bit odd about this so I talked to her about it. I am not one to suspect she is "cheating", but the act of the flirting etc really hurts. she doesn't have to ride his baloney poney to consider it cheating. If she hasn't ridden him, she is still cheating emotionally. She said, that she's only been in this relationship and really hasn't been out with other people, and since a lot of her friends from school are single she is caught up with them and their escapades. I am not really sure how to take this. I first thought you can't have it both ways, but I can also understand where she is coming from. What should I do? take this as a sign you need to get out of this relationship. its a sign of things to expect with this girl. find someone that wouldn't betray you like this. let her have her little fun and cry in her beer later that she screwed up a good thing.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 im not sure what to think of this the good thing is that she'd been honest with you about it and isnt hiding anything!! that doesn't mean anything. my X told me the little half truths to cover up what she was really doing with other men. she is MANY miles away with him and going out on the town with other singles, if anyone thinks she hasn't physically cheated, then there are the most naive people on this board I have ever seen.
meerkat stew Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 that doesn't mean anything. my X told me the little half truths to cover up what she was really doing with other men. Bingo. OP's situation sounds just like mine a few years ago. In all likelihood, OP, more is going on. In any event, time to break up. Worthy relationship partners don't go out and have flirty lunches with others... period. Sometimes a lunch or some other gathering -turns- flirty, nothing can be done about that. But repeating it, then rubbing your SO's nose in it? She is begging you to cut her loose so she can get with this person, as she is likely already with him.
lostsunsets Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Just repeat what she has said to you.. "Oh you have a crush on some other guy, and you have lunch with him and flirt. Your friends are single and you are caught up in their escapades." Then tell her. "No problem, we're through." Then go and find someone who understands what commitment means. Dump her.
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