How did you guys cope after you found out ex has a new GF/BF??

[marigo]

Hey everyone, things have been so tough for me lately. Some of you may remember a post of mine about my ex breaking up with me about 5 months ago and we were together for two years. It was one of those i love you but im not as in love with you as i used to be. We were constantly talking for 3 months after the break up and i decided to do NC before we head home for the summer. I never stopped him from contacting me but he hasnt.

 

Staying away from his fb has been tough because a few days after i said goodbye to him, a new girl comes along and i feel the need to know what's going on with them. I dont know why but maybe that way i can finally stop hoping for us to get back together or maybe i'll see something there that will hurt me so much or make me so angry with him that id stop.

 

Anyway, two sundays ago, i saw the new girl's fb saying "yesterday was great! thank you!" and my ex "liked" the post and commented on it too saying "dont you mean awesome?" so i was pretty sure they were hanging out. this is the time when i really started pulling away and stopped checking as much. its an addiction that im trying to pull away from. so im slowly doing it. then a few days later, the girl posted a status again saying "greatt!! now i miss you" and my ex "liked" it again. I think it is safe to assume that they hung out again. I am almost 100% positive that they are dating if they arent already together. Yesterday, i promised myself that i would go on fb but i wont check up on him or her anymore. But guess what? As soon as i logged onto my fb, right in front of me on my newsfeed, my ex has a status saying *(some amusement park) tuesday* and im pretty sure hes going with her.

 

I know i did this to myself but i am so heartbroken. I want to let him go already. I need to stop holding on. I need to stop hoping. Right now its even harder knowing that ive been replaced.

 

How did you guys do it? How did you guys cope after finding out that there's already someone else? Is there really no more chance since there's already someone new? I need help. I want to move on. I want to be happy again.

[USMCHokie]

I go to great lengths to NOT find out if they are with someone new. Get him off Facebook. Then block him. You can't start moving on and being happy until you let go and accept that it's over for good...

[user2011]

BLOCK.

 

i had my ex blocked for two months after the breakup, i felt great. still heartbroken but i was getting on with things and didnt become scared of my laptop and the temptation was killing.

 

One day i decided to unblock, low and behold a guy chatting to her, everytime i saw a message it was like going back two months.

 

You can only keep sane by blocking him. Go do it now. NOW!

 

or ill find out where you live and do it for you!

 

if you have any reason not to i promise ill be able to shoot it right down

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Hey everyone, things have been so tough for me lately. Some of you may remember a post of mine about my ex breaking up with me about 5 months ago and we were together for two years. It was one of those i love you but im not as in love with you as i used to be. We were constantly talking for 3 months after the break up and i decided to do NC before we head home for the summer. I never stopped him from contacting me but he hasnt.

 

Staying away from his fb has been tough because a few days after i said goodbye to him, a new girl comes along and i feel the need to know what's going on with them. I dont know why but maybe that way i can finally stop hoping for us to get back together or maybe i'll see something there that will hurt me so much or make me so angry with him that id stop.

 

Anyway, two sundays ago, i saw the new girl's fb saying "yesterday was great! thank you!" and my ex "liked" the post and commented on it too saying "dont you mean awesome?" so i was pretty sure they were hanging out. this is the time when i really started pulling away and stopped checking as much. its an addiction that im trying to pull away from. so im slowly doing it. then a few days later, the girl posted a status again saying "greatt!! now i miss you" and my ex "liked" it again. I think it is safe to assume that they hung out again. I am almost 100% positive that they are dating if they arent already together. Yesterday, i promised myself that i would go on fb but i wont check up on him or her anymore. But guess what? As soon as i logged onto my fb, right in front of me on my newsfeed, my ex has a status saying *(some amusement park) tuesday* and im pretty sure hes going with her.

 

I know i did this to myself but i am so heartbroken. I want to let him go already. I need to stop holding on. I need to stop hoping. Right now its even harder knowing that ive been replaced.

 

How did you guys do it? How did you guys cope after finding out that there's already someone else? Is there really no more chance since there's already someone new? I need help. I want to move on. I want to be happy again.

 

 

I'm working on that one myself Marigo.

Not sure exactly what the nature of my ex and this guys relationship is, but she is choosing to be with him over me. It SUCKS.

 

I would suggest getting rid of the facebook stuff as well, and try to keep the information about them to a minimum. I'm trying to do that now finally myself after some stalking to try and get the real picture. All it's done is made the picture more cloudy.

 

It doesn't matter though I guess. She is choosing to be over there rather than with me, whether it's physical or not. Still hurts just as bad and I'm still stunned...

 

Wish you the best Marigo. It's going to be tough for a while. Hope it gets smooth for you quickly.

[PDPullmn612]

Well I generally have it so that I cannot find out if they have been dating someone else. However, the last girl I dated (for 9 months) is now dating my former room mate and good friend (long story). At least she and I weren't in love or it would have been devastating. I was pissed for a few days because it was awkward, but that was short lived.

 

Other than that, I just keep on with the break up. I try not to think about that person period.

[Beeotch]

There really is no magic solution that will make you not feel hurt/upset.

 

You go through: denial, acceptance and then moving on.

 

You can't really speed it up, you go through it at your own time. What is certain, is that you WILL get through it and be fine although the journey seems long.

 

DON'T listen to advice that states you shouldn't feel bad or you should just "get over it" or all those things. All it does is make you resistant to what is and then when you're resistant things seem even more like an uphill battle and you end up actually concentrating more on what you don't want. Be kind to yourself . Feel your anger, hurt, pain etc. You don't have to wallow in it, but give yourself time to be sad and angry, because when you do, you heal much faster than pretending it doesn't bother you that much.

 

First thing: remove this girl off your FB. Hide him, even if you don't want to delete him, and be firm about not prying into his business. Not everything on FB can be taken as the truth, because my ex for example, went out of his way to get in rebound relationships and pretend they were real and post about them every second...but you know what, each time he would break up w/ them and come back saying oh he wasn't happy and he needs to work on himself and he misses me and all these other things that by looking at his glorious FB statuses and pics you would NEVER guess. I already knew he had issues and that his antics were for show; however, they are/were still upsetting nonetheless so I removed him off FB so I wouldn't feed into it.

 

There is always a "chance". My ex had 2 "gfs" and after each one (and during with the first ) he would come back. He wouldn't talk to me for months then get tired of the rebound scenario and then reach out to me, then magically he broke up with them afterwards and tried to come back. So yes, technically anything can happen. Up to May, he broke it off, tried to come back then in July got into another rebound scenario lol. Are we together now? No...

 

The point I am making is that there is a big picture there. Not everyone's ex is my ex and my situation is particular, but sometimes there is more going on there that if that person doesn't deal with it, ALONE, it won't matter. He could come back a million times, date a million girls, but unless he fixes his issues that start and end with him, then it won't matter and most important I DON'T WANT HIM. Which is the key.

 

After a while, you realize it is not about this person and that it is about YOU and you are only in control of your feelings and your end of the situation, so to speak. When you give yourself some time away from this person to regroup, overtime you stop thinking about what THEY want, what THEY are doing/thinking/feeling and with whom and you start to think about yourself and the truth of everything....and you know what? When that happens, it DOESN'T MATTER if they will come back or what they're doing as now you realize there is a whole wide world out there, they are not that great or not that great for you....and you move forward and can even tell them "No thanks" if they try to return. It is AWESOME!

Edited August 2, 2010 by Beeotch

[LoveTruthChaos]

Been there, done that.

 

My ex was cheating on me before he left me, and now he's with the girl he was cheating on me with. You know how I found out? Facebook.

 

I became anxious every time I switched on my laptop, it was ridiculous. 2 days later, I blocked his azz. Never looked back.

 

He doesn't deserve me

[anna100]

After my first boyfriend and I broke up we agreed to be friends... he moved on, I thought I had before we broke up but I really hadn't. He kissed someone else, I almost died... I was on the floor holding my heart thinking that I was actually going to die. After the initial shock I kept checking up on him on facebook and it killed me. I blocked him... and tried my best to get over it. It took a really long time until one day I unblocked him and saw that he had loads of photos of him and a new girl and they looked so happy together. At first it felt a bit strange but then I smiled and felt really happy for him. I do not know if this was because I was starting a new relationship or I had just moved on... but it really didn't hurt.

the guy I started seeing two years ago just broke my heart. I knew it was coming so I deleted facebook in advance! This time I am not going to torture myself. However i am a little scared because knowing that your ex has moved on helps you move on soooooooooo much easily.. once you know they have someone it is clear that they don't want you. So I am worried that because I will never know... I will never really get over this one...well I really hope I do.

You'll be fine, I promise. It'll hurt, it'll make you feel sick but one day... whenever that day is for you, you'll just feel happy.

[Forget About Her]

I employ a method called "pre-coping". When I broke up with my ex-ex (2 ex's ago), I just assumed she was already sleeping with someone. I genuinely bought into the fact that she was sucking and f*cking already. So, when I found out that she really was a couple months later, it was like "eh, whatever". I am doing this with my current girlfriend, and it just makes me despise her more. I assume she is sleeping around, especially with this one guy, so if I ever do get confirmation (not that I'm looking for it), it will be the same "eh, whatever."

[Manutara]

In my experience, the pain of thinking about your ex with a new partner only goes away once you're finally over your ex and then genuinely don't care, or when you find someone else more suitable for you, and hence don't care either. Although it's a seriously difficult position for anyone on these boards to imagine themselves in, it's ultimately when you get to a point of being happy for your ex that they've found someone more right for them that you can finally let go of this pain.

 

In the meantime, remember this: new relationships, particular ones that the person has jumped straight into after dumping you, are often not all as sweet and dandy as you might imagine. My ex rebounded straight into another relationship, while I was alone licking my wounds and getting myself back into shape for a new relationship. Months later, she came back to tell me that it wasn't all as idyllic as I had thought, and that it was nothing like we had...moral of the story: keep your head down, work on yourself and do all the things that LSers suggest, and you might just be having a much better time than your ex.

 

Keep going.

[Beeotch]

In my experience, the pain of thinking about your ex with a new partner only goes away once you're finally over your ex and then genuinely don't care, or when you find someone else more suitable for you, and hence don't care either. Although it's a seriously difficult position for anyone on these boards to imagine themselves in, it's ultimately when you get to a point of being happy for your ex that they've found someone more right for them that you can finally let go of this pain.

 

In the meantime, remember this: new relationships, particular ones that the person has jumped straight into after dumping you, are often not all as sweet and dandy as you might imagine. My ex rebounded straight into another relationship, while I was alone licking my wounds and getting myself back into shape for a new relationship. Months later, she came back to tell me that it wasn't all as idyllic as I had thought, and that it was nothing like we had...moral of the story: keep your head down, work on yourself and do all the things that LSers suggest, and you might just be having a much better time than your ex.

 

Keep going.

 

I agree...especially about the bolded aspect!

 

At the time my ex and I were together, we seemed like a good match...and who knows what the future hold, maybe at some other point in time we will be again. However, we are truly no longer a match for each other and are on separate paths and the people he has been with since (albeit rebounds) are more inline with his new lifestyle and choices. So there is no reason for me to be upset because even if he wasn't dating anyone, I wouldn't be dating him either lol

 

 

I truly believe that you can never lose something that is truly yours and if you don't have something right now...not to worry, because it simply means it is not the time and it will come later or something better is for you. So why focus on something/someone who truly may not be for you instead of being happy within yourself and having what is for you manifest?

[sloudrou]

I go to great lengths to NOT find out if they are with someone new. Get him off Facebook. Then block him. You can't start moving on and being happy until you let go and accept that it's over for good...

 

This. Every word of it.