Emotional infidelity

[anderson345]

I found a text earlier this year on my wifes phone to an ex boyfriend (she says they went out for 2 weeks only)/long time friend (since they were 8 now 30!). Anyway the text said 'i love you and know i need you in my life, your my soul mate etc etc...' i left the phone on this text to show her i found it as it was received on Christmas eve, i found it Cvhristmas morning when the kids were opening their gifts. She confronted me and was a little shaky/embarrassed with it and just said you've been snooping. I did not ask anymore and left it at that. She hasnt said anything about it since.

 

I caught a similar text early in our marriage from the same guy saying he wanted her and she's like no other girl he's been out with etc.. I asked what that was all about and again she was embarrassed, and said she didnt know (or more likely couldnt answer on the spot), and that she chose me not him so dont worry....she also texted him all this so i could see and she said she's sure she'll find someone.

 

Just lately i managed to get into my wifes phone which now has a pin code which she doesnt know i know, I also know she deletes most received and sent messages but only from him not other friends. The latest message was that they have been in each others dreams, and my wife is desperately begging him to know what this guys dream was about her. She also said that he is her dreams, she loves him and that she is jealous of not being with him but they cant be together just now because he would stray!!

 

Ok so there are a few exclamation marks and winks etc in the that could just read in a different tone. I mean are they being sarcastic jokey with some of this crap?

 

Can anyone tell me if they think this is just full on flirting between friends, as i suppose it could be taken into a different context, it depends on how you read it. We have had a tough year with finances, and have three young kids under 5 so we are both quite tired, and this has put strain on our marriage. At one point it was real bad as there were so many issues going on. We have recovered from this, but now i've found another very hurtful message. I mean if this text is not jokey is she planning to leave me?

 

I know this guy has been round to the house when i'm at work as she has told me upfront he's been round, and so have a few other male friends, but i know and trust her nothing has happened etc. I have met the guy once when we first started dating.

 

A while back I asked to invite the guy round for a bbq if he was her good friend, as she said we would probably get on quite well, but then said its probably a bit weird and she would feel awkward, and we could probably never be friends.

 

There are signs that there is nothing to worry about, but also some signs there could be something that needs stamped out.

 

Would be good to get some other viewpoints!

 

If anything did happen I would wring that guys neck for sure....funny thing is so would my father in law as i have mentioned some of this to him!!

[GorillaTheater]

I'm not sure you're going to be very receptive to this but yeah, the texts speak for themselves. Throw in the fact he's at your home while you're gone, and it seems almost certain to me that they're having a long-term physical and emotional affair.

 

What's your plan if this is indeed the case?

[anderson345]

I know its not physical, and hopefully this will be prevented. I absolutely trust her this much. I'm waiting to see what comes of the latest texts. Its all just verbal/text stuff going on...i'm obviously not there when shes actually on the phone to him.

 

The the problem i have is not really knowing the best way to sort this out. Is she doing this because of me?

 

She also said in a text that "you were always the first choice", which sucks, why marry me then? What a waste of time and 3 kids later....

[GorillaTheater]

Okay, let's say the affair hasn't become physical. It's still an affair of the emotional sort. If you google "emotional affair", you'll find a wealth of information.

 

My advice is still pretty much the same, if perhaps a tad less thermonuclear. Read this (the 180 list):

 

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000476;p=0

 

It's a very good start in your efforts to regroup and take care of yourself in the midst of this crap.

[flying]

Oh wow, definitely in the danger zone. That's very painful, I'm sorry.

 

It's an emotional affair, and it's not OK - she's telling him he's her soulmate?!? No no no.

 

I'd say the number one red flag is that she doesn't think you guys could be friends, it's "too awkward". And yet she says the actual dating only lasted two weeks? This doesn't add up.

 

If he's just a friend, then that friendship should be able to encompass your presence.

 

I'd say be on high alert; if it's not a PA yet, it soon could be.

[New_Life08]

It is most definitely an emotional affair...if not a physical one. A spouse does not get defensive about you looking at their phone unless they are guilty of something. She is not mad that you looked, she is mad that she was caught.

 

She obviously has no respect for the marriage to continue this crap. She is probably going through something for which she needs counseling.

 

It seems to me she thrives on feeling desired by other men. It may be just a fantasy for her that she will not physically act on...or it may be a real affair. Either way it is inappropriate behavior and you need to tell her what you know and suggest marriage counseling. Otherwise you are just postponing the inevitable.....Divorce.

[anderson345]

Hi New_life,

 

I think (hope) it is a fantasy like you say.

 

The guy really is flashy, drives expensive cars etc and is a bit of a ladies man. He doesnt have a home here and is living with a (for now) girlfriend i think, and has his own business. He's also moving abroad! Which is great news....this helps reduce any risk of physical crap, as hopefully he wont come back often.

 

Things didnt help our marriage when my wifes nice car was repossesed the end of last year, because my business suffered with the economic downturn. Late payments on the mortgage etc... It all boiled up and tensions arose, and she said she cant go on, but then cooled off and said i still love you and we need to take on the world just you and me.

 

I know my wife likes all these nice things cars etc so why would she stay with me if this guys got it all? Is it purely because she thinks he'll stray? Is that the only thread thats keeping her with me? Or is that what happened in the past when they went out? I dont know.

 

He did reply to the "you would stray" text saying "wise words darling x" basically admitting he would stray if they were together. But what if he decides to say something dumb like "i would never stray from you blah blah" etc is that what she wants him to say? I just dont know how real this is or how fantasy land. I dont like it either way.

 

I know i'm far better for her than him, but can see how they would probably like each other as friends from facebook research etc (theyre not friends on facebook by the way which is strange i thought!) but it all comes back to why is this "little bit further than friends" needs to be going on when shes married?

 

I know she will freak if i bring this issue up, this is why i need to be careful, i think she will just say the usual "why was i snooping" and "do you not trust me" lines. I've told her i trust her more than anyone.

 

But should i leave it and hope it blows over? or go in all guns blazing and risk a break up?

[Confused_in_canada]

I've always worried about this, more from my own perspective but, then I turn it around.

Why is your Wife in that situation?

Is there something in your guys life that your not filling?

Are you away too long and she just feels alone and needs somebody?

Are you not responsive to all of her needs?

 

I was blown away when I joined this forum to find out what I'm experiencing is an emotional affair, Hell I was amazed there was even a friggin term for it. But, the bigger question is why do we end up there?

Why do we go searching for that completeness?

 

You end up in these EA's because your not happy, things just aren't working you've tried talking and now it's led you down this road. I just think if you can't make it work and you've tried as much as you can you have to move on. You have to be bold and grab it by the horns and either address it or move on. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes your amazed but, if it's one thing i've learned is getting the feelings off your chest certainly helps!!!!

[anderson345]

Hi Confused_in_Canada,

 

I'm probably guilty of not being the best person to talk to for her emotional needs, but then i've always been like that really since we dated. It's usually only when things get a bit tensioned and we make up that i perhaps open up to her. I tell her i love/adore her, buy her treats, champagne etc..which she loves. She tells me now and again that she loves me, but we definitely dont do this enough for my liking which would be everyday or every other day.

 

Lets just say she's all focused on me one day, and we get on so well, then the next day something can make her seem slightly distant. She had the arm implant contraceptive that is known to cause hormonal havoc, but come on? Is she Bipolar? she's mentioned this herself!

 

I know she is really tired with the 3 kids and recently started working to help with income. I know she thinks i need to do more to get us out of this financial situation and that she needs to stop working and spend the time with the kids. I've told her thats what i want too and that i dont want her to have to work, but she just doesnt think i'm doing my best and i guess blames me. I have supported her with her business venture and am fortunate to be able to stay at home with the kids while shes out for the few hours a day, i made her a website promoted it for her and gave her business cards, bought her stock, even a new Iphone (wish i hadnt bothered with that thing!). She doesnt really support me though with what i do. Its usually "this is never going to pick up and you're wasting your time" etc...

 

I'm self employed so yeah its tough, but hasnt always been. These situations come and go, but do we really need a EA in our marriage to deal with as well?

[Confused_in_canada]

It's tough in this day and age when both spouses aren't pulling equal weight on the financial and just regular responsibilities of marriage. It puts weight and strain on everything. I know because I'm the bread winner of the family and it friggin sucks. It feels like you'll never get out, never see above water, never feel what it feels like to not have to worry about money.

 

I've been supporting and waiting for my Wife to finally get the Job she wants and now she's got the job she wants. She's happy at her job and finally making a partial impact on the financial strain. But she's only gone back to work "casual" so she's still borrowing money and trying to come up with excuses that it's just life and things will get better.

 

Anyways, I hope things work out for you, I don't see the same for me but, hopefully your Wife now will turn around and help you get to where you want to be and help you feel better about things....

[Bitterman24/7]

I found a text earlier this year on my wifes phone to an ex boyfriend (she says they went out for 2 weeks only)/long time friend (since they were 8 now 30!). Anyway the text said 'i love you and know i need you in my life, your my soul mate etc etc...' i left the phone on this text to show her i found it as it was received on Christmas eve, i found it Cvhristmas morning when the kids were opening their gifts. She confronted me and was a little shaky/embarrassed with it and just said you've been snooping. I did not ask anymore and left it at that. She hasnt said anything about it since.

 

I caught a similar text early in our marriage from the same guy saying he wanted her and she's like no other girl he's been out with etc.. I asked what that was all about and again she was embarrassed, and said she didnt know (or more likely couldnt answer on the spot), and that she chose me not him so dont worry....she also texted him all this so i could see and she said she's sure she'll find someone.

 

Just lately i managed to get into my wifes phone which now has a pin code which she doesnt know i know, I also know she deletes most received and sent messages but only from him not other friends. The latest message was that they have been in each others dreams, and my wife is desperately begging him to know what this guys dream was about her. She also said that he is her dreams, she loves him and that she is jealous of not being with him but they cant be together just now because he would stray!!

 

Ok so there are a few exclamation marks and winks etc in the that could just read in a different tone. I mean are they being sarcastic jokey with some of this crap?

 

Can anyone tell me if they think this is just full on flirting between friends, as i suppose it could be taken into a different context, it depends on how you read it. We have had a tough year with finances, and have three young kids under 5 so we are both quite tired, and this has put strain on our marriage. At one point it was real bad as there were so many issues going on. We have recovered from this, but now i've found another very hurtful message. I mean if this text is not jokey is she planning to leave me?

 

I know this guy has been round to the house when i'm at work as she has told me upfront he's been round, and so have a few other male friends, but i know and trust her nothing has happened etc. I have met the guy once when we first started dating.

 

A while back I asked to invite the guy round for a bbq if he was her good friend, as she said we would probably get on quite well, but then said its probably a bit weird and she would feel awkward, and we could probably never be friends.

 

There are signs that there is nothing to worry about, but also some signs there could be something that needs stamped out.

 

Would be good to get some other viewpoints!

 

If anything did happen I would wring that guys neck for sure....funny thing is so would my father in law as i have mentioned some of this to him!!

 

What do you mean there are signs that there is nothing to worry about. Your wife was texting an old flame on Christmas Eve, saying how much she loved him, and how she dreams about him??? You need to keep snooping (installing electronical detection devices,etc.) and once you have more than enough (since you already have some) you need to expose this to the highest magnitude. If I would've found that text, I would've been calling my divorce attorney and kicking her to the curb like I did my ex.

 

What she did to you was beyond disrespectful, and there is not enough words that could come out of my mouth to explain. Of course she rejected the idea of you being friends with her old flame because she's trying to keep the privacy between her and him. Remember, keep snooping, force NC, and if she keeps acting like the Devil, plan for divorce.

[fit]

May I ask how old you are ?

Because you seem pretty naive about this. Your wife is having an EA and is probably damn close to having a PA. Step in before its too late. It bothers you (and it should) and your wife should stop doing something that bothers you.

I hate to break it to you but shes already doing what women value much more than sex, an emotional affair. Once you have a womans mind her body is one step away, and its a short step trust me. D something now or be blindsided later.

[mark982]

just for *****s and giggles, i'd get the kids tested to see if they're yours.

[nddb]

She's definitely having an emotional affair. This is as or more damaging than a physical one.

 

You have to act fast or your kids are in for hurting city.

[New_Life08]

Hi New_life,

 

I think (hope) it is a fantasy like you say.

 

The guy really is flashy, drives expensive cars etc and is a bit of a ladies man. He doesnt have a home here and is living with a (for now) girlfriend i think, and has his own business. He's also moving abroad! Which is great news....this helps reduce any risk of physical crap, as hopefully he wont come back often.

 

Things didnt help our marriage when my wifes nice car was repossesed the end of last year, because my business suffered with the economic downturn. Late payments on the mortgage etc... It all boiled up and tensions arose, and she said she cant go on, but then cooled off and said i still love you and we need to take on the world just you and me.

 

I know my wife likes all these nice things cars etc so why would she stay with me if this guys got it all? Is it purely because she thinks he'll stray? Is that the only thread thats keeping her with me? Or is that what happened in the past when they went out? I dont know.

 

He did reply to the "you would stray" text saying "wise words darling x" basically admitting he would stray if they were together. But what if he decides to say something dumb like "i would never stray from you blah blah" etc is that what she wants him to say? I just dont know how real this is or how fantasy land. I dont like it either way.

 

I know i'm far better for her than him, but can see how they would probably like each other as friends from facebook research etc (theyre not friends on facebook by the way which is strange i thought!) but it all comes back to why is this "little bit further than friends" needs to be going on when shes married?

 

I know she will freak if i bring this issue up, this is why i need to be careful, i think she will just say the usual "why was i snooping" and "do you not trust me" lines. I've told her i trust her more than anyone.

 

But should i leave it and hope it blows over? or go in all guns blazing and risk a break up?

 

The thing is they are exchanging very inappropriate conversations, and you DO have every right to know what is going on. It doesn't matter what else is going on in her life, there is no excuse for violating the trust in your marriage and she needs to know how you feel.

 

I think she finds his bad boy side alluring, but she knows she could never be with him for the same reason. At most they would be f-buddies. He seems like one of those guys who is a career player and she is only one woman in his big perverse fantasy world.

 

Anyway, it is not a good feeling to know your partner is sharing intimacies with opposite sex "friends". You have to know the "Snooping" defense is just a smokescreen so you don't focus on the real problem. I think a good way to handle it is to tell her you understand her concern about snooping and you will talk about that too, but first you want to talk about what is going on between her and her guy friends.

 

No, you don't want to go in blazing her relentlessly, but I think you should have a sincere talk about marriage counseling. As for throwing a lack of trust at you - what she is doing has been ongoing even after she knew how you felt. So, what does she expect of trust? It is probably another way to shift the topic.

 

Unless you can live with all of this, you will need to talk to her. I doubt it will blow over on its own.

[anderson345]

Fit - I'm 30.

 

New_life - i think you're right, i need to get this out in the open, i found this text on Friday, and my stomachs been churning about what to do. The strange thing is we were really quite close at the weekend, but Monday was not great...

 

I know it wont be pretty if i do this, but i really want this crap out of the way so we can focus on each other. Having her focus outwith our marriage is only going to destroy us in the end - so yes i'm going to do it.

I just need to find the right moment. Probably this weekend when the grandparents are looking after our kids...

[seibert253]

I know its not physical, and hopefully this will be prevented. I absolutely trust her this much. I'm waiting to see what comes of the latest texts. Its all just verbal/text stuff going on...i'm obviously not there when shes actually on the phone to him.

 

The the problem i have is not really knowing the best way to sort this out. Is she doing this because of me?

 

She also said in a text that "you were always the first choice", which sucks, why marry me then? What a waste of time and 3 kids later....

 

OK let me see if I got this right:

 

I love you texts between your W and the OM.

He comes to your home while you're not at home,

and you believe and trust her that this hasnt' become physical?

 

Dude, no offense by you're in La La land.

 

Reality check; it's been physical, it's been going on for sometime, and it won't stop until you lay down the law and she suffers some repercussions for her actions.

 

Please stop fooling yourself.

[anderson345]

seibert253 - the problem with these post are its my situation and my marriage. They are not the same for everyone.

 

She has not been physical with the guy. Why would she tell me he was round? She knows i could pop back from work at any moment, which i always try to do.

[Bitterman24/7]

OK let me see if I got this right:

 

I love you texts between your W and the OM.

He comes to your home while you're not at home,

and you believe and trust her that this hasnt' become physical?

 

Dude, no offense by you're in La La land.

 

Reality check; it's been physical, it's been going on for sometime, and it won't stop until you lay down the law and she suffers some repercussions for her actions.

 

Please stop fooling yourself.

 

This is a typical response from some BSs. The first stage is denial. Its funny how he wants to say its his marriage and only he can fix it, yet when given the advice and tools to help him that challenges his platform he has for his WW, he doesn't approve, even when the evidence that his WW is sleeping with OM right under his arrogant nose.

[anderson345]

This is a typical response from some BSs. The first stage is denial. Its funny how he wants to say its his marriage and only he can fix it, yet when given the advice and tools to help him that challenges his platform he has for his WW, he doesn't approve, even when the evidence that his WW is sleeping with OM right under his arrogant nose.

 

Bitterman24/7 - sorry i dont follow this, BSs? WW? Is this for me or seibert253?

 

I'm not arrogant with this, and really can be happy in knowing this hasnt happened, ie physical. I'm not denying there is the potential though....

 

It's hard to describe all this online thats all. I may not be great at writing this stuff....so its perhaps more black and white for you than for me.

[New_Life08]

Bitterman24/7 - sorry i dont follow this, BSs? WW? Is this for me or seibert253?

 

I'm not arrogant with this, and really can be happy in knowing this hasnt happened, ie physical. I'm not denying there is the potential though....

 

It's hard to describe all this online thats all. I may not be great at writing this stuff....so its perhaps more black and white for you than for me.

 

 

Hi again...

 

I do not think the people here mean you any malice, I think it's only that these situations are so much clearer when you're on the outside objectively looking in. The answers are much clearer to us who are not emotionally involved.

 

But, it is different when our heart is in it and we are looking at our children who are in the middle. Putting your foot down when you are uncertain where your partner's heart is...can feel like jumping off a cliff.

 

What you need to remember and keep in the forefront is that you do have every right to know this information. You are married and her decisions effect your future as much as hers.

 

Snooping should not even be an issue when you are married. you are life partners, everything should be an open book. When the other partner jumps to this defense it seems like they have emotionally disengaged from the marriage.

 

This is not to say there are not psychos out there who will snoop relentlessly after their spouse (without reason) because they are not balanced. Of course this is another issue....

 

In your case, she made you feel suspicious, you snooped and your fears were confirmed. So, does she really expect you to just sit back with a tank full of trust? I don't know too many spouses that would and I'd bet if this were reversed she would have been looking at your phone too.

 

I will tell you this much, if my bf came to me with his concerns that I am texting/sexting other men ... The last thing I would think of is blasting him with snooping. I would be too busy trying not to crap my pants! That is what troubles me about this situation. It seems like she has already separated herself from the marriage enough to justify what she is doing is her business and you are an obstacle.

 

I could be way off here, but when we "love" our spouse we feel remorse for betraying them and we will TRY to mend the damage. Changing a pass code to keep you out so she can continue this nonsense tells me that at least part of her doesn't care.

 

I guess you will find out soon. Stay strong and stand your ground. I will be interested to know what happens.

 

Hang in there...

[anderson345]

Hi New_life08,

 

I like your message. I only see these messages as opinions from others.

 

Well our phones used to be freely open to each other at the begining of the marriage. In fact we used to scroll through each other phones on the sofa watching tv together. She says she locked it so the kids dont phone up. She still lets me on her phone to play games etc, but i know she would definitely clean any suspect text messages beforehand.

 

Anyway, i know a secret of hers which she didnt delete in time, and she doesnt know i know this. Its how i use this thats important. This information is very powerful.

 

I mean she has been all over me today and kissing me and cuddling! I have not tried to get close at the moment either. So I'm confused and cant really read into this properly. I mean i dont know how to gauge how serious this is. If we were not talking/close/having sex etc then i would absolutely have no worries in raising this. I guess i dont want to look a fool, and would perhaps not have enough ammo when she blows up on me. I really dont like confrontation and cant think straight until after, and regret not saying anything, but she actually is the type of person that maybe even excels at confrontation! I usually shout back and walk away.

 

Anyway, you are right we are in a marriage and there should be nothing like this during a marriage, maybe if we were just dating that would be different, but not married with three kids.

 

I hate these kinds of issues so much, and really feel for the people on these sites. Its just all too common, and the amount of hurt going on is crazy.

 

I'll keep you updated, and thanks for your input! x

 

(is that x appropriate! haha)

[movingon2]

Hi anderson345,

 

Just my 2 cents for you.

 

I’m 31

 

 

I am going through a very similar story. I caught my wife texting another guy. Inviting him out to dinner without me and I know the guy. Lying about everything. When confronted she got very upset and denied it all. “We are just ****ing friends” “we talk about our marriages and feelings”. Yeah he is married also. I didn’t even know what an emotional affair was at the time. My mother told me and I googled it. It came down to her telling me she didn’t care about me and didn’t want to be married anymore after 11 years of marriage and 13 years together. 4 days later while she was out partying and told me she wasn’t coming home wedding ring already off, we moved out 3-12-10. We as in me and my 2 kids moved out with help from friends and family moved our entire house out in about 3 hours, and we have a lot of stuff (maybe a little over the top and I recommend talking to an attorney before doing that my state it was ok). Served her divorce papers 3 days after moving out. I was absolutely sure of the EA and suspecting the PA but no proof.

 

I’m not telling you what to do just sharing my story. I wasn’t going to stay around and take care of her house do her laundry pay the bills because she wasn't bringing in any income and do everything for the kids and just be there when she felt like coming home. I picked my self up and took control of my future and kind of made it quick and painless (like a band aid) well some what painless. You have to do what you think is right. To me the EA was just as bad as an PA and I wasn’t going to put up with it.

 

Take care of yourself,

[fit]

Anderson. I speak from being on both sides of the fence on this.

You seem to think because your wife *may* not have had sex with this guy its not over. Ask any women on the planet what they value more in a relationship....sex or a emotional connection. 9 out of 10 will choose the latter. Your wife told this guy she loved him and you think nothing is up ?

 

You are being played big time my friend and your a little too naive to recognize it.

Read this book bro...

http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Relationship-Infidelity/dp/074322549X

 

Trust me when I tell you---there is no right time to bring it up. Your wife will stall you and get angry EVERY time. You know why ? Because she knows its wrong and shes cheating on you...emotionally 100 percent, and a good chance its physical.

Act now or watch your whole life blow up---your kids, your house...everything. I am not trying to insult you in any way...believe me...Im trying to avoid you some of the enormous pain and misery that I and a lot of other people have gone through.

If and when you do find out the truth....keep your cool. Goodl luck

[anderson345]

I thought i would update everyone on this who's helped with advice.

 

Well, my wife said i should do something with the kids, so we all went into town i went to the cinema, and she went around the shops. After that we went for dinner at a restaurant.

 

She knew that something was up with me, and demanded I tell her whats wrong. I said here's not a good place, but she said if i didnt she getting up and leaving to go home as its ruining the meal.

 

So i start off asking what these texts are all about, and she said she doesnt know what i'm talking about, then i give her some clues etc...

 

So finally we both know what and who we are talking about. She's now looking at me and shaking her head, saying i cant believe you're checking up on me....so i ask her why have a pin code etc and all this stuff going on. She says its to stop the kids etc. And i said you never had this before and we always used to be open and read each other phones together. She said things are not the same as they were though.

 

Well the good point at this moment is we're in a restaurant, so she probably doesnt really want to make a scene (which is what i was expecting from past discussions) especially with the kids there.

 

I tell her this stuff is innapropriate, and is really not on. Its just not acceptable to have these intimate texts. That shes made her bed and she needs to lie in it.

 

Well she kind of mutters "i'm not bothered if you've found this, it's not really true these words anyway, and i cant remember what i wrote, i dont hide the fact that i'm friends with him"...

 

So now its in the open...she carrys on the talking as normal, but off topic, like about the food, telling the kids to behave etc...

 

So we get home, and the kids go to bed. We're alone and she stops me on the way to the kitchen and her eyes water up, she holds my hands and says she doesnt like it when its like this, I know shes very remorseful, and i tell her we need to focus on each other to get back to where we were not on some fantasy world to escape into...she says she wants to be looking after the kids and not out working (due to the financial strain at the moment), and i say thats what i want to, and that i'm so proud of her for what she has done by going out earning. She shared some of her deeper feelings about us with me that i didnt know. And i shared mine...

 

Then came the i love you's etc. (Communication is great isnt it! I know i need to do more in this department - but it takes two in a marriage for this to work)

 

So what was this all about? Its actually the fact that shes had to act on some of this financial burden, and its changed her life, and she feels shes missing out on the kids. The reason for the text? She been looking for attention from somewhere thats got to the point that its innapropriate. Shes been caught, i dont think she will go this far again.

 

Anyway, we're all ok and I feel great today without that horrible feeling in your gut, she knows this behaviour is now not on, and i told her we need to work on being even closer than we are so thats what we're working on. We're also going away on a break just so we can be alone and spend some time...

 

I'm sure she wont be one of these females that just tries to be even more secrative and try even harder to hide these texts!!!!!! I'm too good at finding this sort of stuff anyway. How anyone could be bothered to do this anyway is beyond me. Its surely going to be quite hard work if you've been caught already. If the relationship you're in was that bad surely you would pack yer bags and get on rather than have to work so hard to keep something a secret?

 

Anyway thanks for all the advice, and guidance. That and prayer gave me the help and courage needed to get this sorted.

 

p.s

to anyone in a similar situation i recommend the restaurant tactic, my wife can be a passionate firey person in any argument, but with the kids there, and the time for us to drive home and be alone, it has given her the time to actually realise and reflect about whats just happened, and not just to vent out like she normally does on the spot and make the situation worse.