Will I ever move on?

[HopeLove]

There has been a little bit over 3 months since he broke up with me and we were together 10 1/2 months.

The reason he said for the break up was that despite he loves me he saw problems for the future since he doesn't want to settle down nor have kids for the next 5 or 6 years and since I'm 6 years older he thinks I should have kids now although I'm not 100% sure I want them (he is 30 and I'm 36).

Two wks after the break up I met him and he told me he still loved me and was thinking of me every day and yet didn't want to get back. A wks or so later I met him again, this time he even said he didn't want to be in a relantionship.

I went to NC for a while and didn't reply to a couple of txts / emails. A common friend that met him told me he said to her that since the break up his life had change so much and that it sucked.

Just less than 2 mths after splitting we met at a bday party of a common friend. He came over to me several times and we had again this chemistry and conection between us that even other people notice.

Some time later we met by accident in a pub had a chat and when I went he gave me a big hug.

A month ago I send him an email telling him a failed an exam I had to do at work and also mentioned to him we could meet sometime for a drink. He said he was very busy but maybe the following wk or the other we could meet, which really sound to me like a cheap excuse being the message I don't want to see you. I reply that we might find sometime to meet and went to NC again.

Last Saturday another common friend met him and ask him if he regret his decision and he said no because he still saw the same problems for the future but he also said he misses me every day.

I know I should move on and this is what I'm trying every day but it's so hard and inside me I still wish he would come back to me.

Does anyone out there what to make a comment, advice or whatever?

Thank you in advance!

[bonpaw2008]

There has been a little bit over 3 months since he broke up with me and we were together 10 1/2 months.

The reason he said for the break up was that despite he loves me he saw problems for the future since he doesn't want to settle down nor have kids for the next 5 or 6 years and since I'm 6 years older he thinks I should have kids now although I'm not 100% sure I want them (he is 30 and I'm 36).

Two wks after the break up I met him and he told me he still loved me and was thinking of me every day and yet didn't want to get back. A wks or so later I met him again, this time he even said he didn't want to be in a relantionship.

I went to NC for a while and didn't reply to a couple of txts / emails. A common friend that met him told me he said to her that since the break up his life had change so much and that it sucked.

Just less than 2 mths after splitting we met at a bday party of a common friend. He came over to me several times and we had again this chemistry and conection between us that even other people notice.

Some time later we met by accident in a pub had a chat and when I went he gave me a big hug.

A month ago I send him an email telling him a failed an exam I had to do at work and also mentioned to him we could meet sometime for a drink. He said he was very busy but maybe the following wk or the other we could meet, which really sound to me like a cheap excuse being the message I don't want to see you. I reply that we might find sometime to meet and went to NC again.

Last Saturday another common friend met him and ask him if he regret his decision and he said no because he still saw the same problems for the future but he also said he misses me every day.

I know I should move on and this is what I'm trying every day but it's so hard and inside me I still wish he would come back to me.

Does anyone out there what to make a comment, advice or whatever?

Thank you in advance!

 

Aw Hope, so sorry that you are in so much pain. You need to go into full NC. It is for the best honey, it is for you.

 

You can't move on if you are worried about him, how he is feeling, dealing with this, etc. He made the choice, he quit you. Reasons don't matter, and he just told someone that he didn't regret his decision.

 

It is up to you to move on. Create some goals, go work out, go out with your friends. Just stop seeing him, you are only opening that wound over and over and it will never heal. And stop soliciting info about him from your friends. If you are asking STOP, if they are volunteering this info ask them to STOP. Only way to heal.....

[daisy73]

bonpaw2008 is so right. When your friends tell you that he said "He misses you and it sucks your not there" it doesnt do anything but keep the wound open. They might realize it but it sets you back everytime he is brought up.

[HopeLove]

I don't ask for information but from time to time they give me some and then I can't help but to ask every detail of the conversation.

I'm sticking with NC since there's the only thing I can do. If he wants to get back is up to him to do something and he's not doing anything.

For last year there has been not a single day in which I didn't think about him.

[Beeotch]

In short: yes you will move on.

 

You're 36...I assume you have been in relationships before, so you should probably know that yes it hurts for a while, soemtimes a lonng time, but as time goes by you do move forward.

 

Your ex's reasons for ending the relationship seem legit. He is not out pretending to be happy or partying it up, but made a firm decision based on the long run that probably will work out for both of your best interests. He seems mature and honest about it. SOMEONE has to make the hard decisions and this time it was him.

 

In life; I've learned that disappointments are a door to BETTER opportunities. So I try not to dwell on them. It is hard, when you cannot see the reason now or what is better but think about it, can you think of a disappointment that DIDN'T turn out for the better in the end? I can't...every failed plan or disappointment, I either cannot remember it now or I see EXACTLY why it had to happen and that it was the best. I no longer blame people for their decisions that are disappointing as I realize that in the end it usually work towards a better plan, so I embrace the changes of life and see it as the Universe guiding me to where I need to be, which is ALWAYS a better plan than the one I lay out for myself with my limited foresight.

Edited August 2, 2010 by Beeotch

[HighPlainsDrifter]

In short: yes you will move on.

 

You're 36...I assume you have been in relationships before, so you should probably know that yes it hurts for a while, soemtimes a lonng time, but as time goes by you do move forward.

 

Your ex's reasons for ending the relationship seem legit. He is not out pretending to be happy or partying it up, but made a firm decision based on the long run that probably will work out for both of your best interests.

 

In life; I've learned that disappointments are a door to BETTER opportunities. So I try not to dwell on them. It is hard, when you cannot see the reason now or what is better but think about it, can you think of a disappointment that DIDN'T turn out for the better in the end? I can't...every failed plan or disappointment, I either cannot remember it now or I see EXACTLY why it had to happen and that it was the best.

 

Very interesting and wise perspective Beeotch. And I actually agree with that up until what I'm going through now. When I met my current ex, everything you said made perfect sense. I saw her as that better opportunity. I can only hope that's the case now.

 

Again though, very profound statement. You are making me think. Thank you for this.

[Beeotch]

Very interesting and wise perspective Beeotch. And I actually agree with that up until what I'm going through now. When I met my current ex, everything you said made perfect sense. I saw her as that better opportunity. I can only hope that's the case now.

 

Again though, very profound statement. You are making me think. Thank you for this.

 

You're welcome

 

Trust and believe better still awaits. And if you think she is so awesome, can you imagine the future? More awesome! I am a year and 5 months post break up...so pretty much I am out of the woods and through it, so I'm definitely out of the stage where you are in the forest, can't see the sky or the top of the trees and caught only in a limited perspective.

 

The things I say, I believe wholeheartedly and see them in my own life. For me, every day is an adventure as I can't wait to see what better is out their and to create the life I want. When I have a career disappointment, this or that disappointment, I literally say "Ok Universe...show me a better plan" and you know what, ALWAYS works! It may not come overnight (although sometimes it actually does!) but after a while I kind of smile and snicker like yeppppp! Thank God I didn't stay on my former path.

[HighPlainsDrifter]

You're welcome

 

Trust and believe better still awaits. And if you think she is so awesome, can you imagine the future? More awesome! I am a year and 5 months post break up...so pretty much I am out of the woods and through it, so I'm definitely out of the stage where you are in the forest, can't see the sky or the top of the trees and caught only in a limited perspective.

 

The things I say, I believe wholeheartedly and see them in my own life. For me, every day is an adventure as I can't wait to see what better is out their and to create the life I want. When I have a career disappointment, this or that disappointment, I literally say "Ok Universe...show me a better plan" and you know what, ALWAYS works! It may not come overnight (although sometimes it actually does!) but after a while I kind of smile and snicker like yeppppp! Thank God I didn't stay on my former path.

 

Don't want to threadjack, but again, very wise and well though out perspective beeotch. Yup, I'm so stuck in the forest I'm running into tree after tree. Can't see $hit.

 

Damn I'm so close to breaking NC. I better go post in my own thread.

 

Sorry for jacking hopelove... I wish you the best.

[HopeLove]

Every comment is welcome, so no jacking

I will stick with NC since I think is helping me and I hope that with time it will be easier.

Today is quite hard. Not so much the NC thing since I'm getting used to it but not being with him. I wish so much I could hug him.

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Every comment is welcome, so no jacking

I will stick with NC since I think is helping me and I hope that with time it will be easier.

Today is quite hard. Not so much the NC thing since I'm getting used to it but not being with him. I wish so much I could hug him.

 

Oh man isn't that the truth? Same here except replace him with her... Not that there's anything wrong with that...

 

Thanks for letting me tread.

[HopeLove]

With some little differences we are all going through the same and wished we could be with the one we love instead of writing and reading here.

It's hard to cope with rejection specially when you really loved someone and though he / she loved you too.

I though my ex was "the one". He's obviously not since "the one" wouldn't break up with me.

The silly thing is that despite we have been rejected most of us want to get back with their ex. They are the reason why we feel so miserable and yet we think they are the only ones that would stop us feeling miserable and I'm no exeption.

[earthfireuk]

Every comment is welcome, so no jacking

I will stick with NC since I think is helping me and I hope that with time it will be easier.

Today is quite hard. Not so much the NC thing since I'm getting used to it but not being with him. I wish so much I could hug him.

 

 

Well you can hug me instead if you like. I tell you I could really do with one too :-) (BiiigHuuuuug)

 

Well i have to say it does sound like you are feeling a lot stronger than before now hopelove. I think you now know what the best way forward for you is and how to go about it which is really nice to hear. You seem more determined to get past this!

It does sound like he really cares for you but just can't get over his issues. It's so sad but I don't think those issues will just dissapear for him. Do you think you have come on alot in the past few weeks? I understand completly where you are comming from with the whole moving on process and finding it difficult. What beeotch said is a very ideal way of thinking. If you can aim to reach that point of enlightenment then you certainly can draw much positivity from your experience. I truely believe that the people we meet in life who make such an impact are there for a reason. Have you learned anying positive about yourself from this experience? I believe I have learned alot from mine. Although im still hurting and wanting to be with her more than anything. The whole process of loss has pointed me in a positive direction. Have you found yourself a hobby yet mrs??? Do you have a dream that you have always wanted to achieve? Now is the time to do it!

[Beeotch]

Don't want to threadjack, but again, very wise and well though out perspective beeotch. Yup, I'm so stuck in the forest I'm running into tree after tree. Can't see $hit.

 

Damn I'm so close to breaking NC. I better go post in my own thread.

 

Sorry for jacking hopelove... I wish you the best.

 

 

Well you learn through making mistakes. Mistakes aren't really mistakes.

 

I surely didn't magically know all this or feel this way from day one ofcourse. I had to go through it and be stuck and sick and tired before I got it.

 

So I never beat ppl up for "breaking NC" or any other thing on the "Don't-List"...you know what happens when you do? You learn from it. If it ends up horribly, you feel bad or see the truth and you don't do it anymore, or find something that works for you. You may make the same mistake twice or even three times but at some point you learn, and when you learn for YOURSELF then that is when it sticks and becomes true versus when other people tell you not to.

 

You will take the past that is best for your learning.

[RedDevil66]

In life; I've learned that disappointments are a door to BETTER opportunities. So I try not to dwell on them. It is hard, when you cannot see the reason now or what is better but think about it, can you think of a disappointment that DIDN'T turn out for the better in the end? I can't...every failed plan or disappointment, I either cannot remember it now or I see EXACTLY why it had to happen and that it was the best. I no longer blame people for their decisions that are disappointing as I realize that in the end it usually work towards a better plan, so I embrace the changes of life and see it as the Universe guiding me to where I need to be, which is ALWAYS a better plan than the one I lay out for myself with my limited foresight.

 

This is a healthy and constructive way to think. I need to adopt this way of thinking in order to get over a hump I'm having now.

 

thanks for this

[Beeotch]

This is a healthy and constructive way to think. I need to adopt this way of thinking in order to get over a hump I'm having now.

 

thanks for this

 

Welcome

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Well you learn through making mistakes. Mistakes aren't really mistakes.

 

I surely didn't magically know all this or feel this way from day one ofcourse. I had to go through it and be stuck and sick and tired before I got it.

 

So I never beat ppl up for "breaking NC" or any other thing on the "Don't-List"...you know what happens when you do? You learn from it. If it ends up horribly, you feel bad or see the truth and you don't do it anymore, or find something that works for you. You may make the same mistake twice or even three times but at some point you learn, and when you learn for YOURSELF then that is when it sticks and becomes true versus when other people tell you not to.

 

You will take the past that is best for your learning.

 

Thanks Maam,

 

I'm really struggling today. I guess I would have figured with it being a monday and all she might of contacted me and would have wanted to address this. I'm sure what you say is true. I just want her to effing face me.

 

I should keep this in my own thread.

 

Very wise words though Beeotch. I feel bad calling you that.

[Beeotch]

Thanks Maam,

 

I'm really struggling today. I guess I would have figured with it being a monday and all she might of contacted me and would have wanted to address this. I'm sure what you say is true. I just want her to effing face me.

 

I should keep this in my own thread.

 

Very wise words though Beeotch. I feel bad calling you that.

 

LMAOOO I don't mind, after all I chose the name and I don't think of it in the same way as the other word

[HighPlainsDrifter]

LMAOOO I don't mind, after all I chose the name and I don't think of it in the same way as the other word

 

Well that's good because I really respect what you've said.

Very good perspective that I hope to adopt, and adopt soon... (fingers crossed.)

 

This is what I get for letting myself fall in love again? Lord have mercy...

[HopeLove]

Today I'm feeling even worst. I can't believe I'm still in this situation. I also need to delete him from fb and I don't have the courage yet, although I also know is better if I do it before he will.

[HopeLove]

I've seen him after work. We were not far from each other but I act as if I haven't seen him and did he or he didn't see me at all. I can't say.

Having news of him last wkend and seeing him today made me feel I want backwards. I can't stand this anymore. It's so hard for me to move on.

[HopeLove]

This week I deleted him from facebook and I told this common friend I didn't want her to tell me ever again anything about him and if she wants to share this information with other so wait until I'm not there to do so. Every time she tells me something it does only harm and I'm not so sure she's not trying to making my feel bad, but this is a long story to tell...

I still miss him so much and I'm fighting with myself in order to not break NC. I funny how you can hate and love someone at the same time.

I know I'm stupid but I still want so much to get back together but he's not doing anything...

[HopeLove]

I just pass the exam I failed over a month ago when I contacted him to tell him I failed (Was the last time we had contact). Now I wanted to contact him (just a txt) and tell him I pass, but I'm not going to do it. He just doesn't care!

I wish I could tell him, hug him and make love to him. But this is part of the past. I have to look forward and make my future bright.

[smk]

I just pass the exam I failed over a month ago when I contacted him to tell him I failed (Was the last time we had contact). Now I wanted to contact him (just a txt) and tell him I pass, but I'm not going to do it. He just doesn't care!

I wish I could tell him, hug him and make love to him. But this is part of the past. I have to look forward and make my future bright.

 

Hope don't do it - good on you for passing the exam. Instead of thinking of him go out and treat yourself, call up some friends, buy yourself something...

 

He is not worth your time or love for that matter...

[HopeLove]

Don't worry, I won't. I'll take my bike, cycle a bit and see if my sisters host me over night.

[smk]

Any exercise always works for me - I went for a run earlier and now feel great...

 

Spending time with family is always good? I am living with mine ATM - just feels good being surrounded by people....