Tricia23 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I'll try to make this as short as I can I was in a relationship with my now ex for 3 1/2 months. I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship 4 months prior. I was ready to find someone new, but I was still hurt and extremely guarded. So my ex and I hung out at times and it was alot of fun. After a few weeks of spending time together he wanted to be more. I wasn't sure. So I distanced myself. He sat me down one day and said that if he couldn't have all of me, he was going to leave. So I decided to open ul since he said he wouldn't hurt me. It went downhill after that... We would get into arguemebts about silly stuff. It was really pointless. We always made up though. After a few more fights his attitude changed. He started blaming things on me and becoming verbally abusive. Again he blamed me and said it was my fault because I pushed it. I didn't feel I was. I was just trying to communicate. Apparently he wasn't liking to do so... So once the verbal abuse started it got really bad. He told me to die, and much worse things. I never responded back in a mean way. I just cried because I was so hurt. He told me he was done with me, hated me, thought I was worthless and so much more. And for what?!?!?! He has been having some personal issues too. He may loose his house, his basement flooded, and his car is about ready to die. Also he has gained weight fr drinking alot. Maybe he took all his anger out on me. I don't know... I know I should not be upset, and be ok with Jim bring gone, but I'm still sad. I don't know if it's because he's gone or because of the terrible things he said. All I wanted to do was love him and give him my everything. I'm very depressed and sad. I don't think he will EVER realize what he lost with me. But I want him to feel the suffering too. I want him to realize what he did was wrong. He's probably living the high life while I'm hurting. Please help with any advice. I just can't shake this feeling. Do they ever realize!!!!!!!!!!
dragonwave Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Tricia I can hear the pain in your post. I want you to focus on a few sentences you wrote: "So once the verbal abuse started it got really bad. He told me to die, and much worse things." You should focus on the word ABUSE in your own post. This man was abusive to you and that is NOT acceptable. You cannot excuse, justify nor make latitude for it. Such a charater will not bring out the best in you nor contribute to your life, rather the opposite. Second thing you mention: "All I wanted to do was love him and give him my everything. I'm very depressed and sad. I don't think he will EVER realize what he lost with me". You need to take that enrgy on wanting to love him and put it on yourself. It does nto matter if EVER will realize what he lost (BTW it is his lost) what YOU need to realize is that you were spared from an abusive relationship that could of gotten much worse. You not only dodged a bullet but a canon. It may not feel like that right now because you are seeing it as HIS loss but its your gain. Put all that energy you have into loving you, realizing your worth. No one, you included, shoudl ever have to accomodate or be in an abusive relationship -verbal, mental, emotional or physical. Like you said, you would never say those things to him, so why allow HIM to say it to you. The best thing you can do for yourself is to try to work on seeing how great you are and the next person will be smarter and appreciate it. If he doesn't, don't matter....cause you will know your worth. That's the best gift you can give to yourself. Do not let an abusive man get you down like this.....you may not see it now at the moment, but you were spared alot of future pain.
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