jphan9 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 ok i have no idea where to post this because the thing is me and were were never in a relationship. Anyways here long story about a year ago at work i met this pretty girl named C and we started talking then became friends. As months go by we became good friends and we would start talking every day for hours and i learned about her guy problem and how shes all heart broken and hates all guys and thinks all guys are the same. So me being the nice friend that i am i decided to help show her that not all guys are the same. A few months into it i started liking her and i told her one day that i had feelings fro her and she said she didnt feel the same and i was okay with that and just continued being friends. A month later, one night we went for a drive and i pulled over on a street and she looked pretty that night, so i decided to go for a kiss and she kissed back. We were fine about it and we started becoming like a friends with benefits kind of thing excluding the sex part. We never had sex we did have oral sex though. Anyways i remember one day shes told me that i want you to get over me if we keep on doing this and i told her ok but i blew past that. So two months went on and things went super good we looked like a couple and people at work even thought we were a couple but one day she told me that she still didnt like me and she had absolutely no feelings for me and i was crushed. she asked me if she if i still wanted to be friends a week after and i said yes. and we went right back to friends with benefits and during that time i was pushing hard trying to win her cause i felt like how can she have absolutely no feelings for me and i was convinced that that she did have but she just hid it from me. For about three months i was basically arguing with her and everything and also with the pain i was getting from my broken heart i was just so angry and everything. She even told me that i did heal her a lot but she does not like it she wants to still be hurt. Till one day that guy came back into her life in which i will call him E. Bear in mind that all 3 of us work together but i dont talk to him. She always wanted E but E has hurt her twice and they have never even been together in a relationship. So for after that i was still trying to win her over but i finally figured that she wont confess her feelings to me so i just wanted to be friends and let time takes its place. So after two months of just being friends without benefits we became best friends because even after all of this mayhem we still had a great understanding of each other. Everything was fine for like 4 months until like 4 weeks ago when i heard something that her cousin told me and which was a rumor at work and i guess i over reacted and flipped out on her she got mad and we lost our best friendship. She was mad at me and we argued for like a week and then we settled to being good friends but then rumors kept going off at work about her or me. 2 weeks ago E found out that me and her were friends with benefits and that hurt her real bad and all cause she never wanted him to know about it and she was gonna tell him herself. and this leads till today where she texted me that someone told her that I told ppl that me and her are dating ( which is not true). and i told her why would i do that? were not even dating and this leads to her to rethink about our whole friendship cause of everything that happened throughout its course. I know i left out a lot of detail but it would take forever to say everything i hope i did not confused u guys and i would like some help please and as for questions yes i do still have feelings for her and she knows i do love her but she always tells me i dont want your love i dont want anyones love. Also shes still talking to E.
kennedy1122 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Let her know the rumors are not true if they arent, and if she tries to be friends with benefits but you want to be more, you need to set that straight and if she doesnt feel the same way then don't go through with it.
Author jphan9 Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 yea she knows its not true and we have not been friends with benefits for 4 months now since she does not want it anymore. and yes the problem was that we were friends with benefits but i wanted more i wanted to have her as my gf cause everything was so great and we were just so matched and the thing is we were both 21 and both of us has never been in a relationship. The problem is she has never gotten over E and still till this day so i was pretty much screwed since day 1. She is rethinking over this friendship because she tired of all the stress that we have caused each other she blamed me that i made her lose 10 pounds in 1 week and im still thinking how the heck if that is really possible.
lovebugguy Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 As hard as it is to hear, yes, you were screwed from the very start because she is not looking for a relationship. And though I think it's unfair for you to get blamed for anything because you both wanted what you had, it would also be unfair if you pressure her to be in a relationship with you. Don't act like a boyfriend--don't be mad at her if she doesn't reciprocate the feelings and if she's still head over heels for E simply because you are not her boyfriend. You are just her friend. It may be harsh to hear, but it's the truth. And I feel for you, man. It's like standing very close to an item you really want but you can't touch it because it's inside a shop and you can't buy it. You can choose to still be friends with her but I think it will only hurt you more because you are holding on to a hope that will never be realized. She may agree to still continue being friend with you but when you still have feelings for her, it will be hard to keep yourself from asking her to love you the way you love her. If I were in your position, I would stay away long enough for her to think about how she truly feels about you. Maybe not being with you will make her wonder about her true feelings for you.
Author jphan9 Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 As hard as it is to hear, yes, you were screwed from the very start because she is not looking for a relationship. And though I think it's unfair for you to get blamed for anything because you both wanted what you had, it would also be unfair if you pressure her to be in a relationship with you. Don't act like a boyfriend--don't be mad at her if she doesn't reciprocate the feelings and if she's still head over heels for E simply because you are not her boyfriend. You are just her friend. It may be harsh to hear, but it's the truth. And I feel for you, man. It's like standing very close to an item you really want but you can't touch it because it's inside a shop and you can't buy it. You can choose to still be friends with her but I think it will only hurt you more because you are holding on to a hope that will never be realized. She may agree to still continue being friend with you but when you still have feelings for her, it will be hard to keep yourself from asking her to love you the way you love her. If I were in your position, I would stay away long enough for her to think about how she truly feels about you. Maybe not being with you will make her wonder about her true feelings for you. Yes it is true that i was pressuring her for a while and it was not the best idea ever i finally realized that a couple months later and the damage has been done. I was just so convinced that she did had feelings for me but due to her past guy she was just afraid to show it. I mean like what kind of friend actually buys you 3 phones within 6 months just so many signs that didnt make sense. anyways as much as we hung out we hardly went any where due to a problem she has. she said that no doctor knows whats wrong with her. Her house is her comfort zone so if she goes anywhere she has a lot of anxiety and she cant take it. There are also days where she just plain feels sick to where she cant eat has been effecting her for 8 years already. It just sucks because I was being a nice friend and was helping her and in return i developed feelings and u know how that goes
lovebugguy Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Don't be too hard on yourself. Like you said, you did your best to be a good friend. No one can fault you for having the feelings you have. What matters today is that you've learned from the experience. I'm sure you will be able to get through this and start anew.
Recommended Posts