I broke up with my bf and now he is constantly trying to win me back...i feel so bad

[zz11]

I broke up with my bf of 3 years at the beginning of June. He was my first relationship, and i honestly just wanted to explore things since i'm only young once. Since then I have been doing some casual dating, etc, and I am moving on.

 

We usually do NC, but every once in awhile he will message me. Everytime he messages though, it's so awkward for me. He will always say "i'll do anything to make this work out again, just please tell me what you need me to do" "do you want me to wait for you? because i will" "i love you so much, please consider giving us a second chance" "i miss you so much"

 

Now he's not some psycho-stalker-ex or anything. He's really just a heartbroken guy who can't get over the break-up. Everytime he asks me to give us another shot, I feel SO BAD. I don't even know how to respond. He also tries to make plans with me all the time, and I really do not even wish to hang out with him. I still think he is a really great person, but I know I am over the relationship and don't want to lead him on. I'd like to tell him that i'm completely over it, but I feel like that'd be like breaking his heart AGAIN since he is so in love with me.

 

I wish this was simple, and we could both remain just friends but we really can't with him constantly trying to win me back. Advice? Also, I never initiate the conversation, so it's not like i'm giving him false hope or anything. He is just trying SO hard to get me back, and I know I would like to move on...

[Beeotch]

This is a really difficult situation to be in. Gentle honesty is the best policy though. He may not like it now, but if you're honest in a gentle way....later on when he does get over it, he will see the truth that you weren't trying to hurt him.If he wants you back, almost nothing you say will be pleasant, but at least the gentle truth can be felt and understood after a while if the person is reasonable.

 

I think you could say something like: you value him as a friend and think he is a great person; however, a romantic relationship is not going to work and that you want time a part so that you both can get used to not being together before you can be friends again. (You can also go into NC with him at your discretion).

 

It's not easy but simple and this does put things in perspective for those who like to label dumpers as the devil. From the dumper's point of view, it is also hard, something a lot of "dumpees" seem to forget. No one wants to let someone down whom they care about, which is why many dumpers probably give false hope, because at the time it seems easier and less painful to the other person. But we all see what that does, so it is better to tell the gentle truth and realize that later on the person will see the truth in it.

[lovebugguy]

That's a tough situation you have there. And let me say you're a very nice girl to be so sensitive of his feelings. But, no matter how hard it is, you have to tell him the truth, even if it will hurt him. At least the blow would only last for how long. It would hurt him more if you don't tell him now because he will always have this notion that you could still take him back. I'm a guy, and if I were in his shoes and does the same thing, if I don't hear from my ex, I'll think that maybe she's thinking about it but doesn't want to tell me yet.

 

I know confronting him and telling him you're over the relationship will hurt. But that will give both of you closure. Plus, you won't have to be thinking about how he's feeling all of the time.

 

And don't agree to be friends with him because he may take it the wrong way. He may see that as you're way of telling him there is still a chance.