witabix Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I don't know where to start. My Ex took my son back to her home country. Because we were not married I had no right to stop her. I supported her decision on the basis that what is good for her is good for him. Although not good for me. My other children asked why I did not fight her decision. I cannot even begin to answer that question now. What a stupid mistake....... The pain is immense. She has not stopped contact with me, I can Skype whenever I want, to see him. Which is a major boon, but even through all this I cannot seem to come to terms with all this. I am not alone, I know this, and I am not in the worst position. Not by a mile, not by a million miles. Some fathers have to suffer much, much worse than I do. I am no special case. I just needed to put my feelings out there. Respond if you wish.
Angel1111 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I'm really sorry for your pain. You know, whether the two of you were married or not, it doesn't make you any less your son's father. I'm actually amazed that she was able to get your son out of the country without your written consent. Did you actually sign something saying it was ok? I'm assuming you're in the States but maybe you're not. There are very strict laws about taking a child out of the country without documentation from the other parent allowing it. I remember a friend of mine had to wait at the airport while trying to go on a vacation with his son, when he forgot to get his wife to sign papers saying it was ok. I mean, they were married and she still had to give consent. I don't know what to tell you about this. Is there any possibility that she might move back to where you are? I mean, maybe she'll change her mind and come back? Did the two of you no longer want a relationship? Did you not want to marry her? Again, I'm really sorry. I can't imagine your pain.
GrayClouds Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 The fact you are hurting and care is a testament that you a person of quality. I do wish you well.
Author witabix Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 ...... Did you actually sign something saying it was ok? I'm assuming you're in the States but maybe you're not. There are very strict laws about taking a child out of the country without documentation from the other parent allowing it. I don't know what to tell you about this. Is there any possibility that she might move back to where you are? I mean, maybe she'll change her mind and come back? Did the two of you no longer want a relationship? Did you not want to marry her? Again, I'm really sorry. I can't imagine your pain. Yes, I had to give permission for a foreign passport. Not in the States, Republic of Ireland. I gave my permission on the basis that she wanted to go home and that an unhappy mother is bad for her children. Getting back together? That story is so long it would eat the internet.... On an aside, she dropped my family name from the passport, substituting her family name. Even though we had agreed on a double barreled name, claiming that her country denied the fathers name in an unmarried situation. On her possible return, her supercilious brother told me 'not to bet on her return' to Ireland. That was annoying but I kept my tongue in my mouth. All I want from here on in is to be able to see him and the only 'demand' I made was that he speak English, Irish was out of the question. I still have his favorite toys in my bed. He is only ten months old. I should know better....fool.
Author witabix Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 The fact you are hurting and care is a testament that you a person of quality. I do wish you well. Go raibh maith agat a cara. (Thank you my friend)
Angel1111 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Oh, wow, I'm really sorry. It's very sad that she doesn't understand the importance of having you in the child's life. You made a mistake, but so did she.
Art_Critic Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Damn Witabix.. this just tugged at my heart strings.. My little boy is about 2.5 and I think I can understand how I would feel if in your position.. Hope is gets better.. maybe you could start a schedule of visiting him on regular intervals..
Author witabix Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 AC thats exactly what I intend to do. First visit on his first birthday. Even typing that hurts like, like nothing I have known before. Life can be a bucket of crap. You try to do the best you can by everyone and end up in a crock of it yourself. I still maintain that forcing his Mom into something she doesn't want is bad for him. So I will continue to look out for him by trying to make sure that all around him are happy. You know the what the strangest part of this is? She has another child, not mine, and she wants me to look after both of them if anything were to happen to her. In preference to the other child's father (Drug addict and alcoholic), and her actions with him are what caused me to leave. I don't know if I am being played even at this distance. It seems like I am being taken, and have been taken, on a ride. With the knowledge that I will always stand by my son and be there for my step children. I never separated them in my esteem, or my actions. I have many things to feel guilty about, is Karma coming back to me? Is it time to pay for all that I have done in the past?
Angel1111 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I don't know about karma but, yea, it does seem that life can dump on us pretty hard sometimes. Your ex sounds fickle, maybe she'll change her mind about staying away. At this point, I think you can do as you and someone else mentioned - visit him as often as you can. Plan your trips ahead so that you can look forward to them.
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