he does not want to loose, but is not ready for a commitment

[lala82]

Hello Everyone:

 

I am quite new in this forum. In fact I wrote here last week.

 

I have been in a relationship with my bf for 3 years and a half. We lived together. But now, he is working in the Middle East and I am living in South America. He came here in June to visit to meet my parents and we had a great time together. We spoke that we are going to give one month to see if we are going to make a commitment or not. After he left he has been great with me. He calls me, texts me, etc. He is going to for a holidays to the UK tomorrow.

 

Today he called me and I said to him that his mum asked me if he and me are still in contact after he left Colombia. So, if your parents ask for us, what are you going to say. He told me that we are still together. And, that he knew that it was one month to decide if we are going to make a commitment or not. He says that he is still thinking. He needs more time, he is worry for the arguments that we have. He told me that he knows that I want to have a commitment and that he does not want to loose me. I told to him that is not point to be in a relationship that is not going anywhere.

 

I do not know if I am wrong or not. I love him, but sometimes i feel that this is to much..

Edited August 1, 2010 by lala82

[JacquesA.LeFrancais]

Do people really need time to determine if they want to be in a relationship????

 

I've had some tough times with my s/o...even lately. I've even been hurt by her. I don't think it would take a month to decide something like that.

 

Is it more like waiting to see what options are out there??? Then deciding if he wants to be with you? It's like saying "I am going to date other people to see if I want to be with you"

 

Huh!?

[lala82]

Thanks for you comment. I am agry in many thinks with you.

 

I feel tired with this situation. I told to him that he expects that be in touch and carry on with a LDR and wait until he decided. I said as well, do you expect I wait for him and them suddenly one day you will tell me that you are going to marry another woman. No way!!

[carvidep]

Why is he still trying to decide if he wants to be your bf if you've already been together for 3.5 years? He should know that by now. I think the long distance is bringing out his true feelings.

 

Have you told him what you told us? does he know how you feel about it?

[impz]

I am going to be rather harsh, and I apologize ahead of time if you are offended.

 

I have been through a LDR for 3 years, and my wife (yes, we got married) is finally coming over. From my experiences, if you have been together for 3.5 years and the guy has absolutely no clue whether he wants to commit or even have an end date for your relationship to stop being LDR, get rid of him. He clearly does not have the capacity to make this relationship work.

 

You ought to tell him in no uncertain terms about your feelings. It will hurt you now badly, but at least you will be open to other guys who are ready and keen on a commitment. Those that have a brain and know what they want in life.

[carvidep]

I am going to be rather harsh, and I apologize ahead of time if you are offended.

 

I have been through a LDR for 3 years, and my wife (yes, we got married) is finally coming over. From my experiences, if you have been together for 3.5 years and the guy has absolutely no clue whether he wants to commit or even have an end date for your relationship to stop being LDR, get rid of him. He clearly does not have the capacity to make this relationship work.

 

You ought to tell him in no uncertain terms about your feelings. It will hurt you now badly, but at least you will be open to other guys who are ready and keen on a commitment. Those that have a brain and know what they want in life.

 

what he said.

[lala82]

Thanks everyone for your comments.

All your comments made me feel better after having a terrible night

 

During the conversation, he started to asking me why I go out wit my friends to cinema and making assumptions about me having an affair with them. I did not like that kind of accusations. Same jealousy all the time with everyone.

 

Anyway, I would prefer to do not be in touch with him anymore.