Author Notsoeasy Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 I agree that too much "Boundries" cause more problems than good! You have to let the animal wonder a little, or they will buck, and jump the fence. I believe in this senerio, I need to walk together, and not just hope that when released from the pasture, it will come back faithfully every night...
Snowflower Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I have just recently come to accept that it happened(little to no denial), so I guess that this is "acceptance"? I can only hope/prey that some day forgiveness will be an option...Who knows??? IMO, acceptance and forgiveness takes the longest. Please don't fool yourself here. The "acceptance" that you mention is coming to terms that it happened to you. Again IMO, it will take months, if not years, for a BS to truly come to terms that this unfortunate, disgusting event is now a part of their life and it was uninvited.
Snowflower Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 When I give my take on this, I practice what I preach and walk the walk. Sorry, I just see something very wrong in someone that will not forgive that which they have been forgiven, telling others that a cheater can change. I am just saying that one should practice what they preach. Yes, you certainly do that Dex. Just lighten up on CIK a little, would ya'?! She is just trying to help.
confusedinkansas Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) because of her absence of remorse or regret, she has a way of coming to the defense of cheaters. her advice is hypocritical because she said herself that she wouldn't forgive her husband for the same, yet she is going to advise others to forgive? I agree, a wayward spouses input may be helpful. but not from the hypocritical. When I give my take on this, I practice what I preach and walk the walk. Sorry, I just see something very wrong in someone that will not forgive that which they have been forgiven, telling others that a cheater can change. I am just saying that one should practice what they preach. 1st Snowflower - Thank you for taking up for me. That's very nice of you. I do feel like I have a worthwhile perspective for Notsoeasy to consider. I just can't win for losin' here. Dex - You thread-jack someone elses thread to bash me. Anyway - I have explained my situation so many times Notsoeasy. (it's all here if you're interested) I also don't feel that it's necessary to tell everything that happened prior to/ or after the infidelity. (just like you aren't telling ALL) It's personal of information that I won't even share anonymously. Dex takes many things that I say here very much out of context (his comment about not forgiving my husband if he were to have an affair-there's more to that story - but he loves to dig) & brings them up at inappropriate times. I'm used to it. I do practice what I preach & walk the walk. 1) Never again have an affair. Never put myself in a situation where it could happen - No Way. No How. 2) Repair my marriage 3) Move on from the Scarlet A scenario - 4) Not to dwell on the past....move to the future 5) Live Happily Everafter!! ............Which I believe that Notsoeasy is moving towards! (#5 that is) It doesn't happen overnight. Remember that. Your wife is lucky to have you. Edited August 3, 2010 by confusedinkansas
Snowflower Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 1st Snowflower - Thank you for taking up for me. That's very nice of you. I do feel like I have a worthwhile perspective for Notsoeasy to consider. You're welcome. I can see Dex's point in a lot of things...he has a way of cutting through the BS (the stuff from bulls - not betrayed spouses ) and I can see yours as a fWW. I'm trying to tie it together for the benefit of the OP, without all the animosity.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I agree that too much "Boundries" cause more problems than good! You have to let the animal wonder a little, or they will buck, and jump the fence. I believe in this senerio, I need to walk together, and not just hope that when released from the pasture, it will come back faithfully every night... so here is a question to see what you kind of expect. Lets say she comes to you and says she wants to go out for drinks at a nightclub this weekend with some girlfriends. What do you say? I know this is kind of difficult to get the real answers because we now know your wife sees these posts. But what do you say?
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) Dex takes many things that I say here very much out of context nothing out of context about it (his comment about not forgiving my husband if he were to have an affair-there's more to that story - but he loves to dig) & brings them up at inappropriate times. it couldn't be more appropriate I do practice what I preach & walk the walk. 1) Never again have an affair. Never put myself in a situation where it could happen - No Way. No How. 2) Repair my marriage 3) Move on from the Scarlet A scenario - 4) Not to dwell on the past....move to the future 5) Live Happily Everafter!! with all your words about how things can be worked out after someone cheats.......you won't do it if your husband makes that "mistake", as you would call it. So basically you are telling people to try to work it out when you wouldn't give your husband the same courtesy he gave you, of at least trying to forgive him, after you shagged another man. THIS is where you don't practice what you preach. In other words, the things you are telling Notsoeasy, you wouldn't apply to your own marriage and give your husband a 2nd chance if he is willing to work on it if your H made the same "mistake" as Notsoeasy's wife. and ya ya, blah blah....you are in a different place now and the cards are on the table....so what. It doesn't negate the hypocrisy. anyway, back to notsoeasy. Edited August 3, 2010 by Dexter Morgan
Bitterman24/7 Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 1st Snowflower - Thank you for taking up for me. That's very nice of you. I do feel like I have a worthwhile perspective for Notsoeasy to consider. I just can't win for losin' here. Dex - You thread-jack someone elses thread to bash me. Anyway - I have explained my situation so many times Notsoeasy. (it's all here if you're interested) I also don't feel that it's necessary to tell everything that happened prior to/ or after the infidelity. (just like you aren't telling ALL) It's personal of information that I won't even share anonymously. Dex takes many things that I say here very much out of context (his comment about not forgiving my husband if he were to have an affair-there's more to that story - but he loves to dig) & brings them up at inappropriate times. I'm used to it. I do practice what I preach & walk the walk. 1) Never again have an affair. Never put myself in a situation where it could happen - No Way. No How. 2) Repair my marriage 3) Move on from the Scarlet A scenario - 4) Not to dwell on the past....move to the future 5) Live Happily Everafter!! ............Which I believe that Notsoeasy is moving towards! (#5 that is) It doesn't happen overnight. Remember that. Your wife is lucky to have you. This is one of the exact reasons why I left my wife-hypocrisy.
Author Notsoeasy Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Hey Dex, Can you please stay focused on "my thread" about "my" question? I really appreciate everything that you have added, but it kinda seems to have wondered towards what CIK has said, or is doing...I believe that she said that she had her own thread, from earlier when she was going through this, and I am sure that you can go there and berate her all you want, but I really want this to be a positive thread about constructively rebuilding my M, not her, or anyone else's hypocrisies. As far as boundries go, my wife, and I never go out for "drinks" without each other! This has been since day one! We both share in the avoiding obvious temptations(works good huh?). Anyways... I don't have "guys night", nor does she have "Girl's night". We both share in our "out time", especially if there is alcohol involved. This is huge, and always will be! As far as my wife reading this post, I really don't care what she sees. This is my outlet to be as honest as I want/need, and if she doesn't like something that I have said, here or otherwise, than this is an opportunity for us to discuss something than huh? Sometimes when we talk, we get so far off track, that it is hard to rationaly discuss things as individual ideas. If she reads something on here, or elsewhere, she can copy/paste/what ever, or as we read this together, she can ask about individual ideas, having let me finish what I am saying. If she hears me talking, she will stop me mid-sentence(sometimes), and question things without letting me get to the reason...Does this make sense? Trust me, I have held back NOTHING that I am feeling/thinking/ or otherwise in fear of her reading the wrong thing...And honestly, she has never questioned a thing that I have said!
Dexter Morgan Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hey Dex, Can you please stay focused on "my thread" about "my" question? already done, which is why I said back to notsoeasy. just be very leary of hypocrites. but I really want this to be a positive thread about constructively rebuilding my M so basically you just want to hear that which will guide you to what you what you already decided to do? Well what is the point? If you want me to tell you your wife will never cheat on you again and that she is telling you the complete truth....let me know, and thats what I'll tell you. As far as my wife reading this post, I really don't care what she sees. This is my outlet to be as honest as I want/need, and if she doesn't like something that I have said, here or otherwise so far there is nothing you have wrote that she isn't going to like. And honestly, she has never questioned a thing that I have said! why would she...you are taking the responsibility of her actions off of her.
stillafool Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Either way, I was just looking for some help/advise on how to maintain, not end my marriage... Like I said before maybe you need the "Coping" and "Second Chances" forum. It is clear you plan to stay married.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 why would she...you are taking the responsibility of her actions off of her. Wow Dex, must be nice to be gifted with that perfect "fly on the wall" perspective so that you can judge every aspect of Mr. and Mrs. Notsoeasy's approach to this. "she's lying, she'll cheat again, she's not remorseful, she's not contrite, she's not sorry", all of these things you know better than the BS himself who's living with and trying to deal with this. I guess you were there for all the discussions, tears, accusations, apologies and vows since you seem to have a rock-solid handle on each and every nuance and hidden meaning behind his posts. Why would we listen to Notsoeasy when we have you to translate what he really means for us ??? Mr. Lucky
linwood Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 well what business is it of yours to say that and claim advice superiority? I made no such claim. I simply think if all a reply has to state to this man is "Divorce her!" then the advice is pretty useless without further support for that position of which many such posts have lacked. Not all but many. uh, I didn't advise him to toss his wife, although I usually do.... I`m sorry, did I direct my reply towards you? Your assumptions are telling. more level headed people? like you? better than those of us that have an opinion that differs from yours eh? More assumptions, incorrect yet again. and see, I wouldn't best you for staying even though in my opinion a better life awaits you. If I had followed your advice I wouldn`t have the life I do now. I don`t know if it would have been better but it is most highly unlikely considering the torment such a decision would have undeniably cause many people NOTSOEASY...you are going to get advice on both sides of the fence...its up to you to filter it out for yourself, and not for someone else to tell you to ignore it. I agree but any advice that tells the OP to simply throw his wife away with no other qualification for doing so does indeed deserve to be ignored for the projecting knee-jerk reaction that it is.
linwood Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 That's my suggestion of how you deal with all this stuff. You DON'T have to make "decisions" including setting arbitrary deadlines for "closure." You SHOULD seek ways to improve your level of knowledge of factual information that can help you to make BETTER informed decisions. That`s good advice. Nice post.
Author Notsoeasy Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 THANK YOU MR. LUCKY!!!! You are my new best friend! I tryed to be tactful in my approach to Dex, but appearantly it didn't work, as I am guessing your approach wont either, but you saved me from going somewhere that I really didn't want to go! Dex, if you don't like my approach to saving my marriage, there are other places for you to go as well. I don't know the "community" as well as you obviously do, but I am sure I can find some cynical section for you to go vent your animosities...
Author Notsoeasy Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Hey Dex..., Did you make an irrational decision, based on emotion, without further investigation, and that is why you are so bitter towards this scenerio? I don't mean to be mean, but you are another bitter person, who seems to be harboring some anger/resentment, and doesn't seem to care about my happiness with my Wife? Just curious???
linwood Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Dexter and I may be having some differences in this thread but I`ve just read the last 5 pages of this thread and agree with every damn word he`s said. OP, you need to be much more suspicious of your wife and stop making excuses for her.
Author Notsoeasy Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 Thanks Linwood, I appreciate you, and this may sound as though it is directed towards you, but it really isn't. I really would like for people to focus forward, when possible. I am crying out for help, and it seems like so many people on here get so hung up on arguing with eachother, that the reason for being here(help others) kinda gets lost in the emotions... I was really just hoping for someone to say "Dude, you are going to start with Anger, followed by confusion....Don't make decisions during this time". "Anger will be dwelling through the whole friggin thing, so don't let it get the best of you"..."at some point you will accept, and quit rationalizing that it really didn't happen, and come to grips with the fact that this isn't just someone messing with you..." Of course this is just hypothetical, but I have to assume that we are all going to go through similar emotions, and someone has learned from some mistakes? I just don't want to repeat those mistakes! Advice like "let the dust settle before making any decisions/changes"...Great advice! I am sorry if I started in the wrong section for that, I am the new guy... I do appreciate all who have had the best of intentions!
linwood Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I`ve just read your wife's thread. She is minimizing her motives for doing what she did. She is in many ways taking on the victim role herself about her own infidelity. notsoeasy you are allowing her to do this and until this metric changes to something that resembles actual honesty I truly believe you will never get beyond this. She has to admit to her intent and understand it for herself before either of you can go anywhere. Anything else is simply bull****.
Gfkr2 Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I`ve just read your wife's thread. She is minimizing her motives for doing what she did. She is in many ways taking on the victim role herself about her own infidelity. notsoeasy you are allowing her to do this and until this metric changes to something that resembles actual honesty I truly believe you will never get beyond this. She has to admit to her intent and understand it for herself before either of you can go anywhere. Anything else is simply bull****. My StbxW is an expert at playing the victim despite enjoying the affair with a MM. As a matter of fact she is convinced herself there was no affair. I am divorcing her and the Mr. Notsoeasy would be wise to seriously weigh this option, or he will be back at some later date wondering how on earth this "victim' could ever cheat again. Divorce her.
lkjh Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 I think you are being way too optimistic, naive, and passive with all of this. The list of your boundaries are a not that great. Setting a boundary like " we will not put ourselves in a bad position" is not a boundary but more of a common sense law when it comes to relationships. Boundaries should be things like your wife becoming transparent and letting you have access to her emails, cell phone, facebook, and other things whenever you want them
GordonDarkfoot Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 ...is the key to recovery of your marriage, notsoeasy--if recovery is at all possible. Let's give your w the benefit of the doubt and let's assume she's sincerely remorseful. (I don't by the way make any such assumption.) Recovery requires not simply for her to improve her setting of proper boundaries. It also requires fundamental changes in personality and behavior, which will be very hard work for her, even if she's willing to do it. She has to become the kind of person who can even have proper boundaries, who understands what boundaries really mean. Otherwise, boundaries are just a set of arbitrary rules, hurdles to be gotten around, a challenge to figure out how to break them w/o getting caught. What do I mean by "absolute integrity" (absolute honesty as well?) A person with absolute integrity will be far less likely to cheat. (I won't say "never cheat", about any member of the human race. Not anymore.) They certainly will not get into a somewhat hincky situation and then just allow it to get worse and worse. Part of that is because if they have absolute integrity they cannot LIE to their spouse anymore, so if they do something wrong, they know their conscience will make them confess. Remember OP--from your point of view as the betrayed spouse, "boundaries" represent the reification of fundamental moral/ethical guidelines. A wayward spouse such as your wife views "boundaries" very differently, as essentially totally arbitrary rules imposed by outside authority to restrict behavior, with no intrinsic value or meaning. I don't know you or your wife, and most of what I'm saying IMO can and should be generalized. However in your wife's case the disregard and lack of understanding at a fundamental level of boundaries is acute. How can we be certain of this? Well one of the things that most concerns me about your wife's behavior is her absolute DISregard of some pretty basic concepts regarding medical ethics and patient confidentiality. Others have touched on it but I don't really think you fully comprehend the magnitude of what your wife's violations of medical ethics signifies for your relationship with her. First of all, she should definitely not have been using her knowledge of the patient/OM's medical history as part of her "selection" process of an affair partner. She was using his confidential info. to her own benefit. Someone else pointed this out but I think it was blown off pretty much. Second, she should not have been having sex with a patient of her facility, even if she was "just" an intern. Third, she DEFINITELY should not have disclosed ANY of the patient's/OM's confidential medical history information to YOU. This is pretty obvious. The only correct answer to any questions by you about the OM's medical status, including STD/testing history, should have been: "I'm sorry I can't tell you. It's confidential." That's HIPAA (federal law governing confidentiality of health care info). All these issues were completely ignored by your wife, DESPITE the fact that she is currently in school in the health care field as her chosen profession. So she has no real conception of what "boundaries" mean. From her point of view, they are just arbitrary rules. If she can't respect a patient's right to privacy in his medical information, albeit he was OM and she was trying to get herself out of a personal jam, what makes you think she has the capacity to set or respect any boundaries now--after she's been caught cheating? Understanding the difference between "boundaries" as arbitrary rules imposed by outside authority and as valuable fundamental guidelines in themselves is a critical part of developing from a child to an adult and necessary for emotional maturity. I think a lot of cheaters are just like your wife. They've never really "grown up" to understand the purpose of having rules. To a child, a 10:00 p.m. curfew is just an arbitrary rule imposed by an adult authority figure to "spoil the fun" the child planned on having that evening. Breaking the curfew/"the rule" only matter if the outside authority imposes a consequence, and if the consequence can be avoided, either by deception or by double talk if caught, then the child does not see a negative to breaking the rule. The adult however understands the purpose of such a rule is not just to exert arbitrary authority and power. The child needs sleep to go to school refreshed the next day. Also, if the child stays out late, the child could get into trouble (drinking, drugs, crime). Your wife, like many other cheaters, I suspect is like the child who has been caught breaking curfew. The remorse being expressed isn't coming from a fundamental understanding of the importance of the curfew/boundary and what it means; but rather, to avoid a feared consequence (losing allowance/divorce). Now perhaps my analogy is imprecise but I hope at least the point is getting across. You cannot expect your wife to change overnight. It takes years of personal growth, even if she is willing to try to achieve it. Part of the necessary personal growth required to save your marriage, IMO, is that your wife must voluntarily begin to accept the full consequences for her actions, as a mature, remorseful adult would; even if she does not yet UNDERSTAND WHY. The "why" of it is, that the only hope for her to achieve and internalize those notions of absolute integrity is to follow them, even if she doesn't yet understand. Maybe she will never internalize integrity; many cheaters never do. But she has to at least want to try. What does this require? Unfortunately--because doing what I suggest needs to be done is likely to impose a tremendous personal, finanacial and professional hardship on BOTH of you--I sincerely believe that she has to REPORT HER CONDUCT both to the facility where she was externing, and to the educational institution she is attending, without excuses, and she will have to be fully accepting of whatever consequences may be imposed upon her. Those could be minimal or they could be quite severe. Depending on the particular honor code followed by her school, she might face possible suspension or expulsion. If she is required to be licensed by a state authority, e.g. a nursing board, she may have to face formal or informal ethics charges. What she did is very very serious stuff. She had sex with a patient under her care, she used her knowledge of his personal medical info to her personal advantage, AND she disclosed some of the patient's personal medical history/STD testing info. to someone it should not have been disclosed to--yourself. Or at least I think she MAY have violated what I think are ethical and legal rules which regulate people in the health care professions. If she did or if she didn't, clearly she needs to report herself to the proper authorities, and take whatever consequences are imposed. Will it be convenient or expedient for her to do this? Not for her. And, not for YOU. But it is the RIGHT thing to do. Only by INSISTING that she following the path of doing what is RIGHT, even if the consequences will hurt YOU as well as herself--heck the shear public humiliation of it will be horrible for both of you even if there are other consequences-- will it perhaps be possible for her to perhaps with luck and hard work, eventually internalize the concept of being a person of absolute integrity. I hope you fully understand what I am trying to say. I am NOT advocating that she expose herself and accept punishment for punishment's sake. I am advocating that she ACT in an absolutely honest manner--and honesty here includes disclosure of her wrongful acts to the proper authorities--even if she doesn't understand why. If she is not willing to do this, then unfortunately I have little hope for your marriage. My suspicion is that she will do everything in her power to avoid such disclosure (to school, job, and professional authorities) because that could crash her dreams to the ground and destroy years of hard work. That is a chance she will have to take; it's not necessarily the case that something like this will result in any punishment. But that's not her--or your--call any longer. Not if you want to save your marriage. Because you can't ever expect her to be honest with YOU in the future if you're willing to tolerate continued dishonesty/concealment by her, simply because it is expedient. I know this will sound harsh and perhaps like very tough medicine. But the illness your wife suffers from is often incurable, and the necessary medicine can be very tough to swallow.
Author Notsoeasy Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Are you an expert on HIPAA? I am not, but my understanding is that she can look for her own purpose, to protect herself from contaminated needles while doing injections. If, for what ever reason, some time later, the same info can help her make a decision about whether to get tested for std's, I don't believe that this is a form of breach...It is not like she looked at the records later for that purpose, or looked at them in a sellection manner. Furthermore, her sharing this info with me, without disclosing the OM's name, DOB, or any other specific info still is not a breach... If I have a mis-understanding, please clarify, with credentials. Thanks~
GordonDarkfoot Posted August 4, 2010 Posted August 4, 2010 Are you an expert on HIPAA? Not at all, but you're evading the point I was making. I never proclaimed myself an expert on anything. Others on this thread, and on your wife's, have pointed to possible medical ethical breaches, and I guess if you want to play "lawyer" on behalf of your wife (I don't know maybe you are a lawyer?) that's fine--but that kind of thinking won't help your marriage one little bit. The point is that your wife--and YOU--must be honest and forthcoming about what she did, with the proper authorities--her employer, and her school, and if necessary her licensing board for her profession--since THEY are "the experts" and let THEM decide if there was or was not a violation. She, and YOU, must be absolutely HONEST and forthcoming for its OWN SAKE. The consequences, if any, will be what they will be. If you're confident that she committed no infractions of any ethical rules, then you and she should have NOTHING TO FEAR from disclosure. Do you see how simple the "logic of honesty" is? If she did something wrong, she should accept the consequences; if it turns out she did nothing wrong, there won't be any. Either way--the only possible path is full honesty and disclosure. I am not, but my understanding is that she can look for her own purpose, to protect herself from contaminated needles while doing injections. Since you are not an expert, as I am not, the can we agree at least that the experts should decide? That would be her employer and her school. Maybe students/employees have affairs with patients/former patients all the time and therefore this is a great big nothing. Again--that's simply not your call nor your wife's at this point. If, for what ever reason, some time later, the same info can help her make a decision about whether to get tested for std's, I don't believe that this is a form of breach...It is not like she looked at the records later for that purpose, or looked at them in a sellection manner. Well you bring up a very interesting point. You don't really know the full extent of what she actually did and didn't do. You only know what she's told you so far. This is simply yet another reason for her to report her actions to the proper authorities and let them do whatever they think to be appropriate--which may well be absolutely nothing. Right now, you are full-on rationalizing what she did to protect her and yourself against disclosure. This response is typical, expected, and quite understandable, but it is exactly the WRONG thing to do if you want to model honesty and integrity to your spouse. You are looking for "the easy way out." There IS no "easy way out." At a minimum, your spouse needs to have a consultation with an attorney to get appropriate legal advice about what she should or should not do. Then at least if she doesn't out herself, she has an attorney's advice to fall back on as an excuse. Of course you should also be talking to your own attorney to protect your marital interests but that's another story entirely. Of course if she talks to an attorney, he may be able to justify not telling. That might be what she should do as a legal strategy (it may not be; an attorney may counsel disclosure) but the point is concealment would NOT be an appropriate strategy for your marital health, because it conveys to your wife that it's OK for her to do this kind of stuff as long as she doesn't get caught, and her h will be her accomplice. That may not be the message you are trying to communicate, but it will be the message she receives. Furthermore, her sharing this info with me, without disclosing the OM's name, DOB, or any other specific info still is not a breach... OK whoa stop wait a second here. Look at what you wrote that I bolded. IF SHE HASN'T DISCLOSED THE OM'S NAME TO YOU, THEN SHE IS NOT SORRY, SHE IS NOT REMORSEFUL, AND SHE IS SIMPLY GASLIGHTING (E.G. LYING TO YOU TO THE POINT OF MAKING YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING CRAZY). Identifying the OM to you is STEP ONE on the road to recovery. By not identifying him, she is PROTECTING HIM and therefore putting him ahead of you. Most likely their affair is still continuing or will be resumed when they can work around to it. If I have a mis-understanding, please clarify, with credentials. Thanks~ Given that she hasn't even told you who the OM is, you can pretty much forget any other advice you've gotten so far, other than to see a good divorce lawyer, protect your rights, and file for divorce as soon as possible. Your marriage is over. She does not want to reconcile. She is simply buying time until she finishes her degree. If she doesn't end up with this OM, she will find someone else--maybe she has her eye on one of the doctors at the facility? It actually sounds like the affair with the patient/OM was a "practice" affair to get her feet wet, assuming she hasn't ever done this before, which is a pretty big assumption. Therefore since you WILL be getting divorced, either when you decide you've finally had enough, or when she decides to walk out on you, I will now reverse course and recommend she does not disclose the info. to the authorities, as that might impair her ability to earn income, which would hurt you in terms of potential alimony/spousal support in a divorce case. Get your house in order and your ducks in a row. This is not just about you, this is about protecting your daughter as well, financially and emotionally. Staying married to a remorseless cheater, which your wife fairly evidently is, provides a terrible example for your daughter. Get out of this.
Author Notsoeasy Posted August 4, 2010 Author Posted August 4, 2010 Again, some credentials? Why should I listen to you? You are telling me to end my marriage over a set of "rules" that you apparently live by? Or just because??? Everyone has accused me of being close minded, yet I get all of this constructive criticism??? Just for the obvious record, my marriage is not over, otherwise I wouldn't be talking to my wife. It may end in the future, but it is not currently over...
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