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is NC denial?

user2011

By user2011
in Coping

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user2011 Member

user2011

Posted
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Hey everyone. I've been stalking here for some time and have decided to get stuck in and help others and ask some questions : )

 

my ex broke up with me 2 months ago (still loves me just dousnt see me in 'that' way)

 

she proved to be untrustworthy and had broken up with me before.

 

now immediately after this happend i went nc almost immediately. got rid of everything and told her not to contact me.

 

now ive ran it over in my head, talked to friends and generally tried to move on. Problem is if i see a picture of her i feel sad/sick ect and due to certain circumstances i will see her around most days.

 

im just really worried that ive blocked out all reminders of her but when i do see her itl be like day 1 all over again. its genuinly become a fear!

bonpaw2008 Established Member

bonpaw2008

Posted
Posted
Hey everyone. I've been stalking here for some time and have decided to get stuck in and help others and ask some questions : )

 

my ex broke up with me 2 months ago (still loves me just dousnt see me in 'that' way)

 

she proved to be untrustworthy and had broken up with me before.

 

now immediately after this happend i went nc almost immediately. got rid of everything and told her not to contact me.

 

now ive ran it over in my head, talked to friends and generally tried to move on. Problem is if i see a picture of her i feel sad/sick ect and due to certain circumstances i will see her around most days.

 

im just really worried that ive blocked out all reminders of her but when i do see her itl be like day 1 all over again. its genuinly become a fear!

 

I know how you feel, I picture mine out having fun, etc and it still turns my stomach. But NC is for you. For you to discover who you are, for you to better yourself, figure out what you want to do with your life. If you have to see her you need to be strong. She quit you, only cares about you as a friend, you want to be with someone that loves you as much as you love them. You can do this, be strong....

spriggig Established Member

spriggig

Posted
Posted

If you're forced to see her "due to certain circumstances", I suggest LC instead of NC.

 

Here's why, by contacting her on your terms, your heart will learn what your mind already knows--that she doesn't want you anymore and it's painful to be around her.

 

You need to get close enough to her to knock her off the pedestal.

Beeotch Established Member

Beeotch

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hey everyone. I've been stalking here for some time and have decided to get stuck in and help others and ask some questions : )

 

my ex broke up with me 2 months ago (still loves me just dousnt see me in 'that' way)

 

she proved to be untrustworthy and had broken up with me before.

 

now immediately after this happend i went nc almost immediately. got rid of everything and told her not to contact me.

 

now ive ran it over in my head, talked to friends and generally tried to move on. Problem is if i see a picture of her i feel sad/sick ect and due to certain circumstances i will see her around most days.

 

im just really worried that ive blocked out all reminders of her but when i do see her itl be like day 1 all over again. its genuinly become a fear!

 

Great post! Interesting question.

 

Based on what I have seen/heard on LS and have also done in the past, yes, NC CAN be a form of avoidance. An out of sight-out of mind type of thing where you are not admitting your true emotions and dealing with everything but prematurely catapulting yourself into "moving on" when in reality you have not.

 

You do need time away from this person to get back on your feet but the MOST important thing is that you are actually working on yourself and processing things. THAT is what actually helps you. The point of No Contact in my opinion, is to remove that unhealthy distraction so that you can focus on yourself and do the things you need to do to get better. Even in amicable break-ups, you need some time to debrief and regroup before you can be friends with this person or cordial towards them. But simply "deleting" physical reminders will not do much good, because our minds still exist and you cannot erase that, so it is evident that what needs to happen is for you to work through the pain until you're healed and not erase the person and force yourself to overnight be over it. You will only be more miserable as you realize it is not working.

 

If however, you just rush off and out of anger, fear and being upset you erase them...sadly it will not work.It is just a temporary band aid but everything will come rushing back. But also, it does take some time to be over this person, so it is normal if you see them or hear something about them, to have a reaction. It will take a while before this goes away. So you just have to be honest with yourself and mindful about your emotions. Before doing things ask yourself: Am I doing it because it is healthy and best for me? OR Is it just a knee-jerk response to anger/fear/hurt?

Edited by Beeotch
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