Taking Care of You

[breaking_bad]

So, I'm a little new here, and if you've read my few posts, you'll know that recently I've stopped (and am still trying to mentally bring to an end) my relationship w/ a MM.

 

As most of you have known and as I of course realize, this is a PROCESS - it doesn't just take a couple days to go from being so obsessively into another person to cleanly being done and moving on.

 

Additionally, I also realized I have alot of my own personal "work" to do and one of the major things I lost in my relationship was actually myself. I don't have a ton of friends, I don't have alot of hobbies, I work alot and I had this relationship.

 

So I'm wondering - what have you other boys and girls done to take care of themselves in this process, and what have you started up in your life that makes you feel good and helps you to fill the gaps while you heal, or try to move on?

 

I have already been harassed by my son for Googling "hobbies" Looking for some ideas..... I have so far:

 

1) bought some books I've been wanting to read

2) started working out a little more

3) let myself vegetate w/ my dog on the couch watching movies without associating that with being a loser

4) went out with a good girlfriend for martinis

5) made a list of the appointments I have to make with the dentist/dr etc. and promised I would not think of dating until I have all routine exams done

6) considering counseling and some hypnosis thing I read about because it seems weirdly interesting

7) considering kickboxing (because it sounds bad a**)

 

What have you gals/guys done that has helped you on the path to independence and self-appreciation after breakup?

 

Thanks!!

[cavedweller]

breaking bad,

 

You need to get out there and start dating guys..

[Fallen Angel]

breaking bad,

 

You need to get out there and start dating guys..

 

cavedweller,

 

You obviously need to get out of your cave more often. Being in a relationship, or dating a man is not the be all end all. It should be the cap on an otherwise healthy, happy, content life; it is not what should make or break that happiness and contentment.

 

Breaking, you are on the right path. I have found that volunteering at some non-profit that services an area of concern to me is helpful in taking my mind off my own worries. Find a cause you are passionate about be it homelessness, abused women, or your local historical society, and get involved! Not only will it give you a sense of accomplishment, but you also have the potential to meet other people who are similarly minded and passionate about the same cause. Then when you are healed and ready to date again, you may have already met someone you share much in common with.

 

Enjoy your life, it is the only one you get!

[breaking_bad]

breaking bad,

 

You need to get out there and start dating guys..

 

I DO?? So is that a proposal? And so soon after we just met?

 

So I definitely can and will date one of these days. I actually really want to, but am sort of afraid that I'm just going to do it because I'm lonely and bored, and that would be unfair because unfortunately I'm so amazing and scorching hot that the poor dude would for sure fall for me after like the first minute.

 

So I just want to make sure I'm open to a new person and I also want to make sure that I have something to do w/ myself on poker night...

 

So just asking for ideas... And thanks FA - I think volunteering would be a great idea. That definitely puts things in perspective and helps give you purpose....

[Sophia8]

I had a nasty break up a few years ago from a long term boyfriend but it had some benfits too. After a few months I booked a holiday and went off to Italy, which was fantastic just what I needed. If you have the funds to do so, the ability to take some time off work, you and your son could always go on holiday, even if it is just down the road somewhere.

 

I also went back to college, part time, whilst working full-time and now heading off to University to study a degree in Psychology. You mentioned counseling and hypnosis, what about a course for fun if you find it interesting?

 

Kickboxing sounds fantastic, why not go for it! I took up Salsa and met some fantastic people and it's a great way to keep fit.

 

You mentioned buying some new books, what about joining a book club great way to meet new people.

 

Vegetating on the coach now and again is always good, too relax.

[Fallen Angel]

I had a nasty break up a few years ago from a long term boyfriend but it had some benfits too. After a few months I booked a holiday and went off to Italy, which was fantastic just what I needed. If you have the funds to do so, the ability to take some time off work, you and your son could always go on holiday, even if it is just down the road somewhere.

 

I also went back to college, part time, whilst working full-time and now heading off to University to study a degree in Psychology. You mentioned counseling and hypnosis, what about a course for fun if you find it interesting?

 

Kickboxing sounds fantastic, why not go for it! I took up Salsa and met some fantastic people and it's a great way to keep fit.

 

You mentioned buying some new books, what about joining a book club great way to meet new people.

 

Vegetating on the coach now and again is always good, too relax.

 

Salsa class sounds like much fun!!

 

(I also wanted to move this thread back up to the top of the board as I think you are due many more responses, and I know my fellow LSers have lots of great suggestions they can offer if they would just focus!!!)

[White Flower]

What have you gals/guys done that has helped you on the path to independence and self-appreciation after breakup?

 

Thanks!!

Welcome breaking_bad!

 

I read, garden, and take dance lessons. I have a gozillian friends and I never have a boring weekend. I actually passed up three different offers Friday night so I could stay home with my daughter who was sick. You should make more friends!

 

I have a local pub I now hang out at. I never used to hang out in bars but I've made so many friends there too that even if all my friends are busy I can go in there any time and pull up a chair because chances are I'll know almost everyone in there.

 

The dance lessons were fun because the music was cheerful and everyone is laughing at themselves for having two left feet. It is a GREAT distraction from your sad feelings.

 

I also took up jewelry making. I now make most of my jewelry and fix everything else in sight! This includes non-jewelry items:cool:

 

LS is good too. When you read about some of the jerks on here it helps you make a bigger jerk out of your man due to projecting! Sometimes, in the past, I would be all angry at MM due to reading here then he'd call and be all nice and I'd forget what a sweetie he really was.

 

But if you need him to be bad, project project project!!! It really works!

[White Flower]

Salsa class sounds like much fun!!

 

(I also wanted to move this thread back up to the top of the board as I think you are due many more responses, and I know my fellow LSers have lots of great suggestions they can offer if they would just focus!!!)

Always so thoughtful FA!

 

I took a Salsa class with exMM and it was so much fun! It is definitely one of the more difficult styles of couples dancing but great for burning calories! Buy some really good dancing shoes, professionally made ones just for Salsa. They're pricey but well worth it.

[JustJoe]

BB, Dating doesn't have to be so serious. If you are lonely and bored, it's all right to go out with somebody, just for fun. As long as you make it clear to the guy, that all you are interested in is a little bit of entertainment. Anything is good, if it gets you involved with life again. Go to an event (ballgame, concert, play, fairs of all kinds, etc), improve yourself ( take classes, many of which are free, cooking, swimming, etc). There are literally thousands of things you can do to get out of yourself, TRY THEM ALL!!:)

[Gfkr2]

I like this thread...postive stuff. Let's see.

 

1. Started running for longerrr distances

2. Went to the beach...and stayed for a week

3. Took a boat boat trip with many old friends to a beautiful and secluded island off Woods Hole, MA

4. Went to a counselling sesssion with my daughter and saw her smile for the fist time in weeks

5. Filled my Ipod with lots of great music

6. Turned off sports radio on my daily work commute

7. Been reading fiction (not my usual choice) and loved it

8. Began scanning the profiles on Match.com (big smile)

9. Decided to take a few gray hairs out of my head after seeing the eye candy on Match.

[piscis]

Great advice from everyone.

Mine? allow yourself to be sad when you feel like it then move on life is great and yours is just going to get better.

(( hugs))

Edited August 2, 2010 by piscis

[Fallen Angel]

I like this thread...postive stuff. Let's see.

 

1. Started running for longerrr distances

2. Went to the beach...and stayed for a week

3. Took a boat boat trip with many old friends to a beautiful and secluded island off Woods Hole, MA

4. Went to a counselling sesssion with my daughter and saw her smile for the fist time in weeks

5. Filled my Ipod with lots of great music

6. Turned off sports radio on my daily work commute

7. Been reading fiction (not my usual choice) and loved it

8. Began scanning the profiles on Match.com (big smile)

9. Decided to take a few gray hairs out of my head after seeing the eye candy on Match.

 

Good for you!!!