GrayClouds Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) @ GC Fair enough... skm this is the most positive and assertive post you have yet to make. It is a post worthy of your pain. It is not a post about your EX, your feelings, or your situation, this is an post about you. Here you are talking about healing not hurting. This is a person that wants not to only to cope but to grow. More importantly you have illustrated how to accomplish it. By trying to push the inevitable thoughts about the EX towards thoughts about you. To gain insight, learn from that insight and then work on ways to not let history control destiny. You have shown of courage to concretely state what you need to face and a commitment to follow through. For anyone wanting to get something good from the pain you have just by example offered them a map. Be proud of yourself. We all need good old sympathy from others at times, this sh#t hurts, h#ll life hurts. It can be helpful, even more so when we see in those calls for it, we are trying to communicate something more to ourselves. We may use the pain or the EX as the topic but the subject is still all about us. In these threads we are shown where we need to direct our focus; be it opening ourselves up to connect with people, assuring ourselves we are directing our lives, learning to understand we can embrace our emotions and not fear them, gain the wisdom to trust other people even when they are not perfect, or simple understanding our own worth. In every post we make, there in between the words we are offer insight. We are trying to tell ourselves where we need more work, who are we striving to be, and to remind ourselves of what we have accomplished. When you start to see this you have moved on from the break-up, but the journey is just beginning. One that really never ends. Be kind to yourself, which means admitting that the journey of growth offer by the break-up can always take one more step and, at times, we have to push ourselves to take it. And even if it appears to be a step backwards it is also insight into direction. Again congratulations, keep up this effort. You deserve it. Edited August 2, 2010 by GrayClouds
Author smk Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Bon - festival was great am glad I went... Yeah I think for the foreseeable future I am going to lay off the juice, need to keep my head clear... How are you doing? GC - well, wow, I guess thank you. You post really provoked me, and I guess I needed that push to really look at things and open my eyes... You were right I was avoiding the issue... I am not going to say much else because I believe sometimes less is more so thank you.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Hpd - I am definately going to try and stay off the juice go completely teetotal. I feel crap when I am on it and even worse the next day... I think by putting our thoughts down on paper and re reading them let's you take a different perspective, it's effectively trying to look at things with logic and rationale before making a move... How's your day been so far? I had a weird one today it was one of those days where tbh I couldn't really be bothered with anything but I pushed through, and am seeing le therapist this evening oh joy... Lol... Hey SMK, My day was complete horse$hit. I'm really fighting this NC thing. I'm sick of saying the same $hit over and over again, but I need to say it to the point where I can't say it anymore and get it out of my system, wherever that point is. It just doesn't seem to effing COME! I went to my counselor and he agrees with all the crap I'm getting put through and says it's pretty severe. He want's me to let go, just like everyone with a brain does. Just like what I would tell anyone sitting on the other side of the table. It's soooo much easier said than done. I read though my post the other day in it's entirety and can see my ups and downs. I was doing pretty well until I found out about this other guy. This whole other guy thing is sooo ridiculous and that adds to my frustration. Not to be arrogant, but he's a huge step down. It makes no freakin sense! So anyway, without jacking your thread, my day isn't going that well. I wish you luck at your therapist this evening, and above all, lay off the sauce and the chick flicks. Jeeze, if I watched the notebook right now there would be a gun in my mouth (just kidding, but you understand where I'm coming from). No romantic movies, no love songs, none of that crap. Wish you the best SMK. Way to push through... Take me with you!
GrayClouds Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 I am not going to say much else because I believe sometimes less is more so thank you.SInce when?????????:laugh: Renumber there is going to be good days and bad days but you have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. That light is the life you want and person you know you can be. And when one of those dark nights comes, face the pain, go through it then remind yourself you have seen the light and tomorrow will be better and another opportunity to get to keep moving forward. You held yourself back emotional growing up because that is what you need to do as a child to protect yourself. It was a tool you need to get through. But now you are no longer a child, and you get to put down that tool. Your one of the lucky ones you know what needs to be worked on, opening up, allowing real intimacy in relationship and learn that even if you do get hurt by opening up you strong enough to care for yourself. You no longer need to be afraid of your emotions, you are stronger then them. HighPlainsDrifter - Now it is your turn, read my original post to smk as if it was yours and start posting about what actions your going to do to heal. but do it on your own thread titled What I doing to HEAL by HPD. I'll give you a start: Give up booze and drugs for 6 months that is letting me avoid the pain and keep me feeling crappy.Stop posting how bad your day is but what you did to make you day a bit better.Use my therapist to help me figure out my issues and way to imporve them,Begin running everydayNOW YOU CONTINUE THE LIST
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) SInce when?????????:laugh: HighPlainsDrifter - Now it is your turn, read my original post to smk as if it was yours and start posting about what actions your going to do to heal. but do it on your own thread titled What I doing to HEAL by HPD. I'll give you a start: Give up booze and drugs for 6 months that is letting me avoid the pain and keep me feeling crappy.Stop posting how bad your day is but what you did to make you day a bit better.Use my therapist to help me figure out my issues and way to imporve them,Begin running everydayNOW YOU CONTINUE THE LIST GreyClouds.. I know you speak the truth. I guess I'm still somewhat new in this process and haven't quite given up hope yet, maybe as I should. I just have this gut feeling that there are so many unfinished things yet. Maybe I'm wrong, but my gut usually is fairly accurate. I have basically given up booze and drugs. The only drugs I take are ones prescribed by my counselor. I do believe they help. I know I need to stop posting about how bad my day is, but this is still kind of the fresh part of all of this, with a lot of discovery and realizations coming forth. It seems that many of these are painful, so I post about the pain and rant here instead of doing something silly or appearing weak to my ex. I have been going to my counselor and we are working through this, one step at a time. It's just that my ex has sent so many mixed signals that I get confused this early in the game. I know and wish she was getting counseling herself, regardless of whether I'm in the picture or not. I am very athletic and I bike everyday for an outlet. I understand the benefits of physical activities for the mind. It's just some days are harder than others. You are correct though. Everything you say is true clouds. You are wise for sure. I guess I'm still trying to build up to the acceptance part, because my gut still hasn't quite told me it's that time yet. I know it's hard for someone who isn't in the situation, but there really are so many unresolved issues and so many unadressed topics. I can't help but think about them and hope that she will face exactly what she knows she has to face eventually. I almost had her there last week. I have completely backed off now and I do believe that she will want to face them on her own schedule. I will not pressure her anymore. Again, everything you say is true. I'm just trying to work my way there. One step at a time. Thank you sir, HPD Edited August 3, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter
GrayClouds Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 . I guess I'm still trying to build up to the acceptance part, because my gut still hasn't quite told me it's that time yet. If you had cancer you would not wait until your healthy before you did the operation, you do the operation to remove the cancer so you could get healthy. Action comes first then acceptance follows. You starting doing everything you can to move on, pushing yourself not to think about the EX, start finding enjoyment being single person, posting on only what is hurting but what that hurt is telling you, and what your going to do about, figure out how to be a better person, how to grow. Start behaving like a person who want to heal and it is amazing how fast you become that person.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 If you had cancer you would not wait until your healthy before you did the operation, you do the operation to remove the cancer so you could get healthy. Action comes first then acceptance follows. You starting doing everything you can to move on, pushing yourself not to think about the EX, start finding enjoyment being single person, posting on only what is hurting but what that hurt is telling you, and what your going to do about, figure out how to be a better person, how to grow. Start behaving like a person who want to heal and it is amazing how fast you become that person. Again sir, wise words. I was so content with myself while I was in that relationship. It's amazing how everything seemed to disappear, even though only one thing has changed. Unfortunately, that one thing was also the most important thing to me. Everything you say is true though clouds. I know it. I just need to get there and I wish my ex would just be honest with me and let me go fully instead of this hanging on a string nonsense. Thank you again for your words and sorry to thread jack.
Author smk Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 HPD - the advice helps all of us whether it's my thread or yours - I know it's hard not having that final closure and her stringing you along doesn't help, but sometimes we have to cut the strings ourselves... I can only imagine the heartbreak you are going through but as hard as it is you have key within to within you to unlock that door which and step out of the dark room into the open bright field... It may come through closure or it may come through a different means, and as hard as it may be sometimes we just have to let go of what once meant the world to us.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 HPD - the advice helps all of us whether it's my thread or yours - I know it's hard not having that final closure and her stringing you along doesn't help, but sometimes we have to cut the strings ourselves... I can only imagine the heartbreak you are going through but as hard as it is you have key within to within you to unlock that door which and step out of the dark room into the open bright field... It may come through closure or it may come through a different means, and as hard as it may be sometimes we just have to let go of what once meant the world to us. I know SMK... I guess I'm just not there yet. Dam I came so close last week. I still believe I'm close and I honestly don't see it as false hope. I see it as unhealthy hope, but I actually do think it's reality. I'm trying to let go... I just dont' know how. Thanks for letting me invade SMK.
Author smk Posted August 3, 2010 Author Posted August 3, 2010 IMHO - her phoning you up and telling you things and stringing you along doesn't really help... I know it must be hard havingthe unanswered questions but it will happen - have faith that you will move on and you will meet someone who will love as much as you love them... Wake up each morning and say to yourself that oh want to achieve something today and set a goal for the day and work towards it, let that goal be anything and focus all your energies towards that... I threw myself into work, believe it or not I have just had my best month at work in 6 months and this is supposed to be our slowest period of the year...
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