smk Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 So It's Sunday morning, and been up since 7:00am and I just don't know what to do. Normally my Sunday would have started with me spending an hour on the phone with her, followed by numerous text msgs followed by me going to see her and when I was living with it her it was spent in bed fooling around and just messing about... I have spent most of my other Sundays hungover since the break so it didn't really bother me so much, but today I am woke up normally and it just sucks to be me right now... I am a 26 yr old, crashing in the spare room at my sisters house, with very few friends, not much of a social life, who currently has an obsession with watching chick flicks... Oh and thoughts and dreams of the ex are still invading my mind - not in a bad way but she is still up there, I can't help but try and think what she's doing right now, is she thinking of me, does she miss me, why hasn't she made the effort to try and sort things out... I know stupid thoughts and I really need to stop, but it's just a bit of a nightmare right now...
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 What are your sister and her gang watching? Bridget Jones' Diary? Ugh I hate Sundays, it's the one day that makes me regret what I had done the day before ( and I'm not even Catholic or religious).
loveisblind1 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Its ok to feel like that sometimes to cope with losing someone you love. Its the hardest thing to love someone and care about someone and not know what is going on or whats going to happen next. Sometimes, all it takes is time. And i bet if you did have more of a social life, and got out of the house and did some fun things that you enjoyed - time would go by a lot faster. I have been in situations where I was completely devastated and didnt think I was ever going to move on, but with the help of friends, music, activities, and lots of time - I look back at it and feel ridiculous about how worried and depressed I was. Be positive, listen to sad music (or happy music - any music just helps). Get in touch with old friends, go out, travel somewhere by yourself, and just enjoy life. Hopefully things will get better ...who knows, you might find someone else in the process.
Author smk Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 What are your sister and her gang watching? Bridget Jones' Diary? Ugh I hate Sundays, it's the one day that makes me regret what I had done the day before ( and I'm not even Catholic or religious). Bridget jones diary, notting hill, love actually, the notebook, the list is endless... I wish I was hungover at least a pounding headache would distract me - and now I am all ready eyed and even cried a little... Argh this is driving me nuts.... Lovebird - yeah I know I need to keep busy. It's just that I don't really have that many friends and all I ever seem to want to do is talk about the ex which is kinda pissing them off (I am shocked the guys on LS - aren't peed off with my mood swings and endlessly mind numbing posts about her)...lol... Somedays I am fine, though the depressive moods are lasting for shorter periods of time so I guess that's a good sign... Oh and I found out last night that I have to spend a month next June with her while my business partner goes travelling so I have to run the show for that time and will be seeing her everyday - June the month my life got twisted and turned around... I know it's a year away but it's really making ms anxious ATM...
loveisblind1 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 yep - its usually at night when youre usually texting or talking on the phone thats the hardest. hence im still awake at 5:15 in the morning. hopefully your days will be happy enough to get you through the nights. try some feel-good inspirational movies - maybe you'll get a couple ideas on what to do with your time. and I bet by next June you will be completely over her and maybe have a new girlfriend...or maybe you'll rekindle a flame and it'll work out the second time around. Im just a strong believer in fate, and what is meant to work out will work itself out.
Author smk Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 yep - its usually at night when youre usually texting or talking on the phone thats the hardest. hence im still awake at 5:15 in the morning. hopefully your days will be happy enough to get you through the nights. try some feel-good inspirational movies - maybe you'll get a couple ideas on what to do with your time. and I bet by next June you will be completely over her and maybe have a new girlfriend...or maybe you'll rekindle a flame and it'll work out the second time around. Im just a strong believer in fate, and what is meant to work out will work itself out. Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I was up till 5:00 am this morning and up again at 7:00.... Who knows what future holds that I agree with - I am great believer in fate and destiny... I may get crucified for saying this but over the last couple of days I have been contemplating going and making that one last great stand but I keep on pushing the thought out of my head - I know it's more likely to fail but I can't veggie thought out of my head...
bonpaw2008 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I was up till 5:00 am this morning and up again at 7:00.... Who knows what future holds that I agree with - I am great believer in fate and destiny... I may get crucified for saying this but over the last couple of days I have been contemplating going and making that one last great stand but I keep on pushing the thought out of my head - I know it's more likely to fail but I can't veggie thought out of my head... No reason to think about what is going to happen in a year's time, she may not even work there anymore, you may have sold your stock, etc.... You know what that one last stand will accomplish....nothing. I am glad someone went back to your old post from the beginning of July. I know that you love her, love the way things were, but how 'bout at the end? Do you really want that person back? The person that didn't fight for you? I know it is harsh and I don't know what I would do in that situation, but still....you are worth more than a decision, and someone that moved you into their home and then treated you the way she did. You need to come up with your own closure for yourself. You are better than that. She has changed over this time apart and so have you. You can't go back, you can only go forward. Go out, make some new memories with some exotic girls....you can do this....
Author smk Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 No reason to think about what is going to happen in a year's time, she may not even work there anymore, you may have sold your stock, etc.... You know what that one last stand will accomplish....nothing. I am glad someone went back to your old post from the beginning of July. I know that you love her, love the way things were, but how 'bout at the end? Do you really want that person back? The person that didn't fight for you? I know it is harsh and I don't know what I would do in that situation, but still....you are worth more than a decision, and someone that moved you into their home and then treated you the way she did. You need to come up with your own closure for yourself. You are better than that. She has changed over this time apart and so have you. You can't go back, you can only go forward. Go out, make some new memories with some exotic girls....you can do this.... I am so glad tokyo brought up that old thread - that opened up my eyes...hehehehe.... I am not going to go for the last stand - i am beginning realise that by writing out my thoughts and reading them it makes me realise how some of my thoughts will accomplish nothing but emasculate me (had to be harsh to myself)... Yeah I know I realised that if she wanted to be with me then nothing would have come in her way.... I do however get the odd silly thought and then I banish it... oh that and chatting with my female twin on LS always makes me see sense...
bonpaw2008 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I am so glad tokyo brought up that old thread - that opened up my eyes...hehehehe.... I am not going to go for the last stand - i am beginning realise that by writing out my thoughts and reading them it makes me realise how some of my thoughts will accomplish nothing but emasculate me (had to be harsh to myself)... Yeah I know I realised that if she wanted to be with me then nothing would have come in her way.... I do however get the odd silly thought and then I banish it... oh that and chatting with my female twin on LS always makes me see sense... I woke up thinking about him and couldn't shake it, so I ran to LS and am feeling better... Now go out and slap some Columbian girls' butts just don't get arrested
Author smk Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 I woke up thinking about him and couldn't shake it, so I ran to LS and am feeling better... Now go out and slap some Columbian girls' butts just don't get arrested WTF - we are even having the same thoughts now - that is freaky....LOL... not sure about the slapping but I could sure use some eye candy....
bonpaw2008 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 WTF - we are even having the same thoughts now - that is freaky....LOL... not sure about the slapping but I could sure use some eye candy.... Just imaginary slapping then.... We deserve so much better, we deserve someone that will love us back, fight for us, put us first... My problem is that as I feel myself healing I feel myself hardening....I don't ever want to go through this again
GrayClouds Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 (edited) Who knows what future holds that I agree with - I am great believer in fate and destiny... Looking for something to make you feel better? Well this is not it. Within those bold words above lies the answer to the question you ask. It is a window to your struggle, the secret to your healing, to some kind of happiness. Well it time stop being such a great believer in fate and destiny (at a much, much later date maybe you can tell me the difference). Another way of writing that sentence is "i believe in passivity and I take what I get out of life rather then trying to take what I want." Who knows? Well YOU need to creating the future you agree with. You may not be guaranteed to get it but you be h#ll alot closer to it, then jus being a boat batter by the waves hoping to get to shore. You obsessing about the EX, ranting by the hour, getting drunk, watching ****ty chick flicks, wanting to contact the Ex to give you more drama just so you do not have to think about yourself, to think about what you really want, and to do the REAL damn work to go get it. What are you doing to heal, what are you doing to get out of the basement, what are you doing to make yourself better? What to get your EX back? Learn how to be a person who can take care of them selves, who do not rely on someone else to make them happy, who has direction and goals, who makes has the balls to say f#cK you to fate. As you said your 26 years old, this attitude of passivity is not going to change over night, you may even need help with it to figure out why you are and who to change. But there are things you can do to start. First; stop avoiding the pain by drinking, give it up for 6 montts (that includes the pot).Second when you wake, instead jumping on LS, get your asp out of bed and go for a run.Third stop posting about your EX, stop posting in other threads about how bad YOUR are feeling. Start posting threads about your achievements, your goals, your setbacks and what your going to do to over come them. Start posting in other's threads advice about how your LEARNING to move on. All this will reinforce action in your healing, in your life.Forth figure out what you want to be, you big goals, who you want to be and then set a plan of action to go get it. skm, your hurting and that is understandable, a break-up is does that. But you are using this break-up as another excuse of not having the life you want. In fact this break-up is a the best gift you could have received. It is telling you that time to change and start working toward the life you want and deserve. Do you have the courage to listen? Do you have to courage to ACT?!?! . Edited August 1, 2010 by GrayClouds
bonpaw2008 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Looking for something to make you feel better? Well this is not it. Within those bold words above lies the answer to the question you ask. It is a window to your struggle, the secret to your healing, to some kind of happiness. Well it time stop being such a great believer in fate and destiny (at a much, much later date maybe you can tell me the difference). Another way of writing that sentence is "i believe in passivity and I take what I get out of life rather then trying to take what I want." Who knows? Well YOU need to creating the future you agree with. You may not be guaranteed to get it but you be h#ll alot closer to it, then jus being a boat batter by the waves hoping to get to shore. You obsessing about the EX, ranting by the hour, getting drunk, watching ****ty chick flicks, wanting to contact the Ex to give you more drama just so you do not have to think about yourself, to think about what you really want, and to do the REAL damn work to go get it. What are you doing to heal, what are you doing to get out of the basement, what are you doing to make yourself better? What to get your EX back? Learn how to be a person who can take care of them selves, who do not rely on someone else to make them happy, who has direction and goals, who makes has the balls to say f#cK you to fate. As you said your 26 years old, this attitude of passivity is not going to change over night, you may even need help with it to figure out why you are and who to change. But there are things you can do to start. First; stop avoiding the pain by drinking, give it up for 6 montts (that includes the pot).Second when you wake, instead jumping on LS, get your asp out of bed and go for a run.Third stop posting about your EX, stop posting in other threads about how bad YOUR are feeling. Start posting threads about your achievements, your goals, your setbacks and what your going to do to over come them. Start posting in other's threads advice about how your LEARNING to move on. All this will reinforce action in your healing, in your life.Forth figure out what you want to be, you big goals, who you want to be and then set a plan of action to go get it.skm, your hurting and that is understandable, a break-up is does that. But you are using this break-up as another excuse of not having the life you want. In fact this break-up is a the best gift you could have received. It is telling you that time to change and start working toward the life you want and deserve. Do you have the courage to listen? Do you have to courage to ACT?!?! . OK Gray - so what happens when you really have everything you want out of life, everything but that special person that actually gives a **** about you wants to spend time with you doesn't want to stomp on you? I am older than SMK, I have a great career, two great kids, awesome support system....unfortunately I am co-dependent and I am only happy when I am taking care of others and rarely do things for myself. I really tried to break that pattern when I got divorced. Neither one of us were happy, we were just going through the motions, he was mean and selfish and I had enough. So I ripped apart my family (which I thought was terribly selfish for a long time, that took some counseling to get over the guilt) for me....to make myself happy. Unfortunately most of my friends sided with the ex so I had to build relationships all over again. So I get through that, I know what I want, what will make me happy, and then this happens....I let myself fall for an unavailable man that stomps on me....so is what I want supposed to be nothing from anyone else?? Because when I am happy wiith someone else they always disappoint me, leave, don't care?? I appreciate your advice.
GrayClouds Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 unfortunately I am co-dependent and I am only happy when I am taking care of others and rarely do things for myself. I really tried ... I will elaborate but start a thread of your own asking the same question so this one is not hijacked, but for starters I will say you all ready have the answer, but your afraid of it.
Beeotch Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 So It's Sunday morning, and been up since 7:00am and I just don't know what to do. Normally my Sunday would have started with me spending an hour on the phone with her, followed by numerous text msgs followed by me going to see her and when I was living with it her it was spent in bed fooling around and just messing about... I have spent most of my other Sundays hungover since the break so it didn't really bother me so much, but today I am woke up normally and it just sucks to be me right now... I am a 26 yr old, crashing in the spare room at my sisters house, with very few friends, not much of a social life, who currently has an obsession with watching chick flicks... Oh and thoughts and dreams of the ex are still invading my mind - not in a bad way but she is still up there, I can't help but try and think what she's doing right now, is she thinking of me, does she miss me, why hasn't she made the effort to try and sort things out... I know stupid thoughts and I really need to stop, but it's just a bit of a nightmare right now... I've been there. The thoughts are not stupid and the more you beat yourself up for thinking them and try to "get over it"...the MORE miserable you will feel. Believe me. The best thing is to ride through the thoughts. When you allow them to come and go on their own, it is healthier and better for you than feeling bad for thinking them. These feelings are normal and although it is cliched, it is true, that TIME is what dims them and not anything you can do. I am a year and 5 months post-break up and my ex is no longer the first or last thing on my mind. I think of him from time to time (the situation itself is quite atypical also) BUT now I am living my life, happy and free and normal again. So it does happen...but when I was in the earlier stages, I felt like you did and NOTHING I did in terms of forcing it worked....once I accepted it was normal and let them come and go. I felt much better and they eventually go away for good on their own.
carhill Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 LOL, imagine waking up in a big empty house devoid of any reminder of the last ten years of marriage, now a distant memory. I work a lot in the yard. This morning the lawn mower wouldn't start so I took it out into the shop and rebuilt the carburetor. That's what I do on Sundays
skydiveaddict Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 (edited) LOL, imagine waking up in a big empty house devoid of any reminder of the last ten years of marriage, now a distant memory. I work a lot in the yard. This morning the lawn mower wouldn't start so I took it out into the shop and rebuilt the carburetor. That's what I do on Sundays I just got released from Nat'l guard training. Two weekends a month they own you. But I know what you mean SMK. I cant forget my ex either Edited August 1, 2010 by skydiveaddict
carhill Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Yep, sounds familiar. I grew up hearing the ANG jets once or twice a month when they train. Sunday mornings would be a mixture of church, brunch, rattling windows and JP5. Those were the days...
skydiveaddict Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Yep, sounds familiar. I grew up hearing the ANG jets once or twice a month when they train. Sunday mornings would be a mixture of church, brunch, rattling windows and JP5. Those were the days... Yea, I am a combat engineer so we spend the weekend crawling in the dirt and blowing stuff up. BTW, how did the lawnmower repair turn out?
carhill Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Tip: On Honda engines, moisture settles in the fuel bowl under the float, causing erosion of the gold irridite plating and those particles clog the main jet. Periodic draining of the fuel, something I haven't done, mitigates this issue. I've seen this on two Hondas on the property. Interestingly, the lawnmower was the one which launched off my pickup when I was pissed at stbx one day last year, and the other is on a Wacker (vibratory compactor). Vibration, moisture, corrosion, clog. Lawnmower runs like new; changed oil, fixed carb, sharpened blade, mowed lawn. Honda's are hard to kill I'm eyeing the pool now. Time for a rebuild More weekend fodder. The possibilities are as endless as one's imagination. I almost forget that I'm in the middle of a divorce.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Bridget jones diary, notting hill, love actually, the notebook, the list is endless... I wish I was hungover at least a pounding headache would distract me - and now I am all ready eyed and even cried a little... Argh this is driving me nuts.... Lovebird - yeah I know I need to keep busy. It's just that I don't really have that many friends and all I ever seem to want to do is talk about the ex which is kinda pissing them off (I am shocked the guys on LS - aren't peed off with my mood swings and endlessly mind numbing posts about her)...lol... Somedays I am fine, though the depressive moods are lasting for shorter periods of time so I guess that's a good sign... Oh and I found out last night that I have to spend a month next June with her while my business partner goes travelling so I have to run the show for that time and will be seeing her everyday - June the month my life got twisted and turned around... I know it's a year away but it's really making ms anxious ATM... I hear you SMK. I get sick of ranting about the same old stuff too, but that's what these boards are for. I have quit drinking by quite a bit, and layed off the illegal drugs, but I still had a tough w-end. Also thought about making that "last great stand" as you, but I think I kind of already did that, with mixed results. Booze makes me feel good when I'm drunk, but I feel like complete $hit and go into a serious depression the next day, so I've been layin off it. As far as the chick flicks go, I wouldn't even have the strength to make it through the 1st 5 min. That's one thing that I highly recommend you quit. That and love songs on the radio. Those sumbeyatches always screw me up... Wishin you the best SMK. I know, this stinks...
Author smk Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 @ GC "i believe in passivity and I take what I get out of life rather then trying to take what I want." Fair enough – what you say it true – however what I meant by that sentence, was that the eventual outcome would always be the same however the road I take is my choice i.e. I will move on from this break, my heart will heal, and I am sure somewhere down the road I will meet someone else, however I can either choose to sit here in perpetual sadness and hope that one day I wake up and I will no longer feel anything or I can take some positive steps, better myself from this situation, learn some lessons, however this “break up” was destined to happen in my life for a reason, to teach me some cosmic lessons about life and love. To teach me that I like everyone else and susceptible to emotions and feelings (that I had long ago learned to deny myself – I don’t come from a broken home, but I come from a very dysfunctional home). I like everyone else here has had a “traumatic” experience through this – (maybe a “traumatic” was a bad choice of word but it seems to fit the bill), and I am learning to cope with a whole host and range of emotions that I didn’t know existed – as I said before GC I had long ago learnt to block out emotions from my daily life, they had no place in my life, I learnt long ago to detach myself from people and not to form attachments to people simply because I believed that we come into this world alone and we go away alone, hence why do we need to have people around us to make us feel better about ourselves. I don’t remember the last time I wanted or needed any form of validation from another person in my life – to me friends, family, they were all just small players in a the story of my life – and TBH it didn’t bother me if they were there or not. I could go weeks, months, without speaking to the people who were close to me – yes I did have an active social life and I would often surround myself with these “close” ones yet I never felt a need to have them their through either my good times or bad times. I grew up mostly with nannies and house help (I grew up in Africa and we had house help there), and I was living the life I wanted to live. You want to know something that I now think is sad – I have never once said “I love you” to a single member of my family – I still cant bring myself to say it to them – the only person I ever muttered those 3 words to was my EX because never in my life had I felt the range of emotions that I felt for her. After my break up I learnt a lot of things – it brought out a whole host of emotions and feelings again a different set that I didn’t know existed – and it brought up things in me that I figured I had blocked up a long long time ago – things that maybe due to the way I grew up my mind had blocked off. What am I doing about it you ask? I am seeing a therapist and learning how to deal with these emotions. “You obsessing about the EX, ranting by the hour, getting drunk, watching ****ty chick flicks, wanting to contact the Ex to give you more drama just so you do not have to think about yourself, to think about what you really want, and to do the REAL damn work to go get it. “ I have done all of the things that you have listed above – but you know what I have also made progress – if you read my posts from before and read my posts now – I see progress – yes I know that doing all the things above are not the best way forward – and may eventually be more of a setback rather than moving forward, but I am learning to take things as they come. Just like everyone here I have moments where I fall back down, and then start picking myself up again. I have been posting on other peoples threads about the how they will heal, I have tried to give motivational support to other people here on LS, I have told them that it may not be easy but eventually they will move on. Yes I agree I have fallen down a lot more than moved on in my quest to find closure within me, and TBH I am dealing with each day, each moment, each emotion as it comes. Do I come here to incessantly rant and rave about my EX, no I come here because it seems to be the one place where I can find some solace and some motivation that it does get better. In the last 7 weeks my life and existence as I knew it crumbled around me. When I broke up with my ex I realised that I was not the person I thought I was, I realised that the life I had been living so far was not the real me, in fact it was a complete random stranger when I looked in the mirror. Yes I was only with her for 6 months, but she opened up my eyes to things that maybe I would have seen eventually or maybe I would have never seen, but she did make me realise a lot of things about myself, and now I am starting my life from scratch and trying to find out who it is that I really am. The excessive drinking and feeling sorry for myself hasn’t really helped me either but you know what from where I was 7 weeks ago to where I am today I have made slight progress. Instead of spending my days curled up on the sofa with a bottle of whiskey, I have started venturing out of the house, I have started trying to relive my life, I am trying new things, new places, but as you said it is a gradual change. As for your comment on me posting in everyone else’s threads about how bad I am feeling – I do apologise if I did do that, but I have also posted in other peoples threads about how life does get better, I have also posted about how people should try and maintain NC because it does work (its working for me), I have tried to be as supportive to the others here on LS as much as I can, and I have posted about how I am learning to move on. As a final note I am learning to listen, I am beginning to get the courage to ACT on bettering myself from this, and I am starting the walk down the long winding path to moving on from this to becoming the person that I truly am, and to making the changes in my life that need to be made, and I am trying to become the guy who has the balls to say f#cK you to fate, and I know with time I will get there. As I said before, sure I do have moment that I have fallen and come running to LS with my tail between my legs, but I am human at the end of the day. We all **** up sometimes, and when that happens we do all go back to a place where we feel safe, maybe I shouldn’t do that? @ Beeotch Yeah I know what you mean, by continuously beating myself up over it all I seem to be doing is digging deeper in the pit rather than making progress – sometimes though it is a little easier said than done, but I agree that with time things seem to be changing. I have been doing a lot better than when I first started posting here and it seems that the only “magical cure” seems to be riding the roller coaster and just moving on. @ Carhill Wow – that would be tough – you seem to be doing pretty well… Great motivator for people like me who can’t seem to get out of the rut… I think I do need to start doing more with my time… I have been focussing a lot on my running of late so that’s keeping my mind occupied…. I am beginning to notice a pattern of the recurring thoughts – they normally kick in when I alone and usually in the mornings especially at the weekends… I guess I just need to start filling my weekends more with activities that I have been putting off…. BTW – thanks for the great tip on the Honda engine…. @ Sky Where do I sign up???LOL… That’s sounds awesome and with perks like playing with explosives I can only imagine how much fun can be had….hehehehehe @ HPD You read my mind – I am sure everyone here is probably so bored of my ranting about my ex – but writing it out has actually helped me to a certain extent and I can actually see some progress from where I was 7 weeks ago. I think as beeotch said eventually it just comes down to time – I am starting to try and keep myself busy though – registered with a couple of socialising sites that arrange like random events and things for people with similar interests. I think I am trying to break out of my old cycle and see what this great city has to offer me. I do know that I need to go NC with the booze though – I have been drinking way too much and have now decided to set myself a goal of no booze for the next 4 weeks as a minimum – hey if I can stick to NC with the ex I can stick to NC with the booze LOL…. We are all here to support each other and I think that’s what counts – each of us has been through the hurt and pain and I guess we just have to fight our way out of it… And finally a general update for everyone – Paw included. So I went to what I thought was a Columbian festival but actually turned out to be a South American festival and had an awesome time. I went there, enjoyed the fresh air, enjoyed the music, enjoyed the crowd, and I will be honest for a moment I did wish I was there with my ex, but then I accepted it that she was no longer a part of my life – so I picked myself up and just had a great time. Sorry for the long post
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) @ GC "i believe in passivity and I take what I get out of life rather then trying to take what I want." Fair enough – what you say it true – however what I meant by that sentence, was that the eventual outcome would always be the same however the road I take is my choice i.e. I will move on from this break, my heart will heal, and I am sure somewhere down the road I will meet someone else, however I can either choose to sit here in perpetual sadness and hope that one day I wake up and I will no longer feel anything or I can take some positive steps, better myself from this situation, learn some lessons, however this “break up” was destined to happen in my life for a reason, to teach me some cosmic lessons about life and love. To teach me that I like everyone else and susceptible to emotions and feelings (that I had long ago learned to deny myself – I don’t come from a broken home, but I come from a very dysfunctional home). I like everyone else here has had a “traumatic” experience through this – (maybe a “traumatic” was a bad choice of word but it seems to fit the bill), and I am learning to cope with a whole host and range of emotions that I didn’t know existed – as I said before GC I had long ago learnt to block out emotions from my daily life, they had no place in my life, I learnt long ago to detach myself from people and not to form attachments to people simply because I believed that we come into this world alone and we go away alone, hence why do we need to have people around us to make us feel better about ourselves. I don’t remember the last time I wanted or needed any form of validation from another person in my life – to me friends, family, they were all just small players in a the story of my life – and TBH it didn’t bother me if they were there or not. I could go weeks, months, without speaking to the people who were close to me – yes I did have an active social life and I would often surround myself with these “close” ones yet I never felt a need to have them their through either my good times or bad times. I grew up mostly with nannies and house help (I grew up in Africa and we had house help there), and I was living the life I wanted to live. You want to know something that I now think is sad – I have never once said “I love you” to a single member of my family – I still cant bring myself to say it to them – the only person I ever muttered those 3 words to was my EX because never in my life had I felt the range of emotions that I felt for her. After my break up I learnt a lot of things – it brought out a whole host of emotions and feelings again a different set that I didn’t know existed – and it brought up things in me that I figured I had blocked up a long long time ago – things that maybe due to the way I grew up my mind had blocked off. What am I doing about it you ask? I am seeing a therapist and learning how to deal with these emotions. “You obsessing about the EX, ranting by the hour, getting drunk, watching ****ty chick flicks, wanting to contact the Ex to give you more drama just so you do not have to think about yourself, to think about what you really want, and to do the REAL damn work to go get it. “ I have done all of the things that you have listed above – but you know what I have also made progress – if you read my posts from before and read my posts now – I see progress – yes I know that doing all the things above are not the best way forward – and may eventually be more of a setback rather than moving forward, but I am learning to take things as they come. Just like everyone here I have moments where I fall back down, and then start picking myself up again. I have been posting on other peoples threads about the how they will heal, I have tried to give motivational support to other people here on LS, I have told them that it may not be easy but eventually they will move on. Yes I agree I have fallen down a lot more than moved on in my quest to find closure within me, and TBH I am dealing with each day, each moment, each emotion as it comes. Do I come here to incessantly rant and rave about my EX, no I come here because it seems to be the one place where I can find some solace and some motivation that it does get better. In the last 7 weeks my life and existence as I knew it crumbled around me. When I broke up with my ex I realised that I was not the person I thought I was, I realised that the life I had been living so far was not the real me, in fact it was a complete random stranger when I looked in the mirror. Yes I was only with her for 6 months, but she opened up my eyes to things that maybe I would have seen eventually or maybe I would have never seen, but she did make me realise a lot of things about myself, and now I am starting my life from scratch and trying to find out who it is that I really am. The excessive drinking and feeling sorry for myself hasn’t really helped me either but you know what from where I was 7 weeks ago to where I am today I have made slight progress. Instead of spending my days curled up on the sofa with a bottle of whiskey, I have started venturing out of the house, I have started trying to relive my life, I am trying new things, new places, but as you said it is a gradual change. As for your comment on me posting in everyone else’s threads about how bad I am feeling – I do apologise if I did do that, but I have also posted in other peoples threads about how life does get better, I have also posted about how people should try and maintain NC because it does work (its working for me), I have tried to be as supportive to the others here on LS as much as I can, and I have posted about how I am learning to move on. As a final note I am learning to listen, I am beginning to get the courage to ACT on bettering myself from this, and I am starting the walk down the long winding path to moving on from this to becoming the person that I truly am, and to making the changes in my life that need to be made, and I am trying to become the guy who has the balls to say f#cK you to fate, and I know with time I will get there. As I said before, sure I do have moment that I have fallen and come running to LS with my tail between my legs, but I am human at the end of the day. We all **** up sometimes, and when that happens we do all go back to a place where we feel safe, maybe I shouldn’t do that? @ Beeotch Yeah I know what you mean, by continuously beating myself up over it all I seem to be doing is digging deeper in the pit rather than making progress – sometimes though it is a little easier said than done, but I agree that with time things seem to be changing. I have been doing a lot better than when I first started posting here and it seems that the only “magical cure” seems to be riding the roller coaster and just moving on. @ Carhill Wow – that would be tough – you seem to be doing pretty well… Great motivator for people like me who can’t seem to get out of the rut… I think I do need to start doing more with my time… I have been focussing a lot on my running of late so that’s keeping my mind occupied…. I am beginning to notice a pattern of the recurring thoughts – they normally kick in when I alone and usually in the mornings especially at the weekends… I guess I just need to start filling my weekends more with activities that I have been putting off…. BTW – thanks for the great tip on the Honda engine…. @ Sky Where do I sign up???LOL… That’s sounds awesome and with perks like playing with explosives I can only imagine how much fun can be had….hehehehehe @ HPD You read my mind – I am sure everyone here is probably so bored of my ranting about my ex – but writing it out has actually helped me to a certain extent and I can actually see some progress from where I was 7 weeks ago. I think as beeotch said eventually it just comes down to time – I am starting to try and keep myself busy though – registered with a couple of socialising sites that arrange like random events and things for people with similar interests. I think I am trying to break out of my old cycle and see what this great city has to offer me. I do know that I need to go NC with the booze though – I have been drinking way too much and have now decided to set myself a goal of no booze for the next 4 weeks as a minimum – hey if I can stick to NC with the ex I can stick to NC with the booze LOL…. We are all here to support each other and I think that’s what counts – each of us has been through the hurt and pain and I guess we just have to fight our way out of it… And finally a general update for everyone – Paw included. So I went to what I thought was a Columbian festival but actually turned out to be a South American festival and had an awesome time. I went there, enjoyed the fresh air, enjoyed the music, enjoyed the crowd, and I will be honest for a moment I did wish I was there with my ex, but then I accepted it that she was no longer a part of my life – so I picked myself up and just had a great time. Sorry for the long post Good for you SMK. At least you had a good time. Yes sir, I would highly recommend laying off the sauce, or if you feel you need to have something, maybe a beer or two and that's about it. Like I said, great while your doing it, complete $hit the next day. I agree with you on how writing out your feelings helps with the coping part. That's the same with me, and that's why I've been posting like a mofo lately. We all need an outlet and our friends and family can't keep hearing the same stuff over and over. It's not pleasant for them. Plus, when we are all going through similar situations, it lets us know that we are not alone. So... Keep on posting your way through this, as I will be doing the same. Good luck going on the wagon. That's one thing that for sure can't hurt. Peace be with us all SMK. Oh yeah, and no more chick flicks sir... Edited August 2, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter
Author smk Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Hpd - I am definately going to try and stay off the juice go completely teetotal. I feel crap when I am on it and even worse the next day... I think by putting our thoughts down on paper and re reading them let's you take a different perspective, it's effectively trying to look at things with logic and rationale before making a move... How's your day been so far? I had a weird one today it was one of those days where tbh I couldn't really be bothered with anything but I pushed through, and am seeing le therapist this evening oh joy... Lol...
bonpaw2008 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Hpd - I am definately going to try and stay off the juice go completely teetotal. I feel crap when I am on it and even worse the next day... I think by putting our thoughts down on paper and re reading them let's you take a different perspective, it's effectively trying to look at things with logic and rationale before making a move... Hey SMK, glad you had fun yesterday!!! I agree with the booze thing, I have really tried to stay away because I am depressed enough, that would just make me even worse. I write stuff down in a Word Doc journal which I have kept since before my divorce. It is amazing the patterns you can see when you go back and re-read...kind of embarassing actually because I can see the same mistakes being made Going back and re-reading my posts and feedback on LS really helps me as well. I am actually cutting and pasting advice into a doc so I can find it easier when I need it.
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