Ella whispers Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I guess I'm looking for a male perspective honestly. In summary: I had an affair w/ MM for about a year. Great intense physical relationshiop for a year, friendship for 4 years prior. I went NC after I noticed that he was giving a lot of attention to another woman at work. Since at that time I wasn't dating anyone I had concentrated all of my affection and attention on him. I then decided that an affair was not for me so I changed my schedule and avioded him as much as possible. I told him that I was hurt and needed as much space as possible. I have been dating a divorced man and happy for almost 3 months now and he knows this. There has been sporatic conversations etc... seeing him can't be avoided sometimes. I need some work done on mycar and a long time ago he said he knew someone that would do it for a small amount. I called him yesterday and the converstaion was brief. I asked if he would call his friend for me to check on his availibility and price. He said "You can call everyone else but you can't call him? I'm not your father..." A little back ground, one of his close friends at work and I speak casually and I am thinking that maybe thi friend told xMM that we text/talk on occasion ( that isn't unusual) and he's angry or jealous. Any insight fellas?
WTFBBQ Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 He's not your friend, he's not your lover, he's not your father. You could have gotten this information from someone else, or went somewhere else. You shouldn't have called him. And you should never call him again.
sadintexas Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I'm not a male so I can't give you the perspective you're looking for; however, I do wonder why, if you've moved on and have been happily seeing a single man for three months, why you're here trying to figure out anything about the MM's motives or feelings. I'm not saying you're not welcome here just wondering why it matters to you really?
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Unless I had wanted to make him jealous in the first place, I don't really want to dissect his behaviors. MMs are like toads that when you cut them up, they're all messed up on the inside.
Angel1111 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 He's not your friend, he's not your lover, he's not your father. You could have gotten this information from someone else, or went somewhere else. You shouldn't have called him. And you should never call him again. Amen to this. He's angry because you rejected him (although by him staying married, he actually rejected you but MM don't ever see it that way) and then you pick up the phone to ask him a clinical question. He's mad because he didn't get his way. Or he may just be acting like he's mad so that you'll start to wonder 'oh, my, what did I do to upset him so' and he's hoping you'll follow that up with 'I need to call him and make things right' - then he can somehow figure out how to get you involved in the affair again. This is always the underlying reason behind everything MM do - don't let yourself forget it. MM play on a woman's niceness and it works with incredible precision. As the poster said above, he's not your friend, he's not anything - treat him with more indifference than you would a stranger from this day forward.
jj33 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Why are you surprised? The mention of help happened a long time ago (presumably when you were still paying attention to him). You now go out of your way to avoid him and then you call him for help with your car? That doesnt make ANY sense. His response was appropriate. It sound like he thought you were yanking his chain and he would (on the face of things) be right. Once you get to the avoidance stage, you dont call that person and ask them for a favor. His response was perfectly normal.
carhill Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 OP, as you've probably surmised, it's really not anger but rather a calm methodology of manipulation, just like the attention to the other woman was. I watch these guys (serial male cheaters) in action every day. They're very smooth. Imagine a B-rate actor playing a role. They're convincing, but not all the pieces line up perfectly if you're perceptive. I've been manipulated in similar fashion by MW's so have a bit of experience walking your path. Maintaining NC is a good solution. You had the right idea. If this divorced guy you're seeing is a good man, focus on him and forget about MM, even thoughts like shared in this thread. It's only fair to him. These kinds of dynamics are what can ruin potentially healthy relationships. Good luck
Angel1111 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Why are you surprised? The mention of help happened a long time ago (presumably when you were still paying attention to him). You now go out of your way to avoid him and then you call him for help with your car? That doesnt make ANY sense. His response was appropriate. It sound like he thought you were yanking his chain and he would (on the face of things) be right. Once you get to the avoidance stage, you dont call that person and ask them for a favor. His response was perfectly normal. This is very true, too. The only thing is, MM are never to be trusted so there's always going to be that underlying stuff that's there. But, yeah, basically she should've never picked up the phone. It was bad manners, and his reaction would've been predictable.
jj33 Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Im not buying the MM are all bad and all monsters on this one. The OP ceased contact with him (as much as possible) The OP then contacted him out of the blue for a favor. I dont see that his reaction is any different from that of any single guy or anyone else who has been avoided after a break up or a rift in a friendship. Why would you call that person? You wouldnt unless it was something so exceptional that noone else could assist. Its a mechanic for crying out loud there are loads of them in the phone book and presumably new bf has one too. No need to contact xMM other than for a reaction
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