EX breaks NC...

[YellowShark]

A quick rundown.

 

1) Caught my EX of seven years red-handed cheating with a MM - (ex-good-friend). MM's wife is pregnant, and shall give birth in August 2010.

 

2) Ended it on the spot, and moved out four days later. (Too many social and moral red lines in the sand crossed there for me to even think about staying.)

 

3) Have been total NC for three months. I am a submarine hiding under the north pole!

 

4) Was parking near my EX's place of work two days ago while going elsewhere for a meeting. Ironically my EX is walking down the side walk as I am pulling into the parking lot. She sees me.

 

5) As I am walking into the meeting I get a text from her "What are you doing on ________ street?"

 

6) After the meeting I decide to text her back so she knows I am not a stalker. I reply: "Meeting at ___________. BTW you look great."

 

7) She replies: "Thank you."

 

8) I return to total NC.

 

9) Two days later - (today) - she texts me again, and asks if I want a lamp I left behind three months ago.

 

10) I reply: "No thank you. Please give it away." {end of text}

 

11) She replies: "I'll probably just keep it then."

 

12) I do not reply.

 

Is she fishing? Why would she care about a lamp - (that was once mine) - after three months of complete NC? Thoughts?

[smk]

A quick rundown.

 

1) Caught my EX of seven years red-handed cheating with a MM - (ex-good-friend). MM's wife is pregnant, and shall give birth in August 2010.

 

2) Ended it on the spot, and moved out four days later. (Too many social and moral red lines in the sand crossed there for me to even think about staying.)

 

3) Have been total NC for three months. I am a submarine hiding under the north pole!

 

4) Was parking near my EX's place of work two days ago while going elsewhere for a meeting. Ironically my EX is walking down the side walk as I am pulling into the parking lot. She sees me.

 

5) As I am walking into the meeting I get a text from her "What are you doing on ________ street?"

 

6) After the meeting I decide to text her back so she knows I am not a stalker. I reply: "Meeting at ___________. BTW you look great."

 

7) She replies: "Thank you."

 

8) I return to total NC.

 

9) Two days later - (today) - she texts me again, and asks if I want a lamp I left behind three months ago.

 

10) I reply: "No thank you. Please give it away." {end of text}

 

11) She replies: "I'll probably just keep it then."

 

12) I do not reply.

 

Is she fishing? Why would she care about a lamp - (that was once mine) - after three months of complete NC? Thoughts?

 

it sounds to me like she is fishing - she has the bait (which you ignored) and is now hoping that she can still hook you in...

 

ignore the txt - continue with your NC and just move on... ( I dont really have much experience here and am just giving it a shot in the dark) but seriously just ignore it... stick to your NC guns... I had my ex send back a some running kit that I had never used and had forgotten at her place after 3 weeks of NC - her reasoning being that I may need a raincoat/windbreaker in the middle of the summer....

[mickleb]

Who cares if she thinks you're stalking her?

 

This is not NC. You don't hop back off and on it. You delete her number and ignore her for the rest of your life.

 

What reasons do you have to not do this?

 

She done wrong. You leave. It's over. You heal.

 

You scab's looking rough. Keep scratching and you'll leave a nasty scar.

 

Take care.

 

x

[DenverBachelor]

Who cares if she thinks you're stalking her?

 

This is not NC. You don't hop back off and on it. You delete her number and ignore her for the rest of your life.

 

Nobody ever said NC has to be a permanent thing. It means no contact, and when you use it to heal fully, you probably won't have any desire to contact them. But it doesn't mean you are prevented from being civil if they do happen to contact you way down the road.

[DenverBachelor]

Is she fishing? Why would she care about a lamp - (that was once mine) - after three months of complete NC? Thoughts?

 

If it were you, why would you do it? The only reason I can think of doing it is to try and push active contact. Or perhaps she just needs an ego stroke. There's a lot of reasons why, but none of them are really all that good.

[YellowShark]

it sounds to me like she is fishing - she has the bait (which you ignored) and is now hoping that she can still hook you in...

 

That is my feeling too SMK. I smell a rat, but wanted to bounce it off the Loveshack braintrust! My gut feeling is MM is not paying her the attention that she once had now that his wife's baby is really close to birth. Guess she should have thought of that end-game before she threw away me and her step-son. Tough s**t for her!

 

I am a submarine hiding under the north pole - (thats is the visual to help me remain NC.)

[YellowShark]

Who cares if she thinks you're stalking her?

 

I did. I wanted it to be crystal clear that I wasn't in her "neighbourhood" because of her. I didn't want her to imaging that ego boost.

[smk]

That is my feeling too SMK. I smell a rat, but wanted to bounce it off the Loveshack braintrust! My gut feeling is MM is not paying her the attention that she once had now that his wife's baby is really close to birth. Guess she should have thought of that end-game before she threw away me and her step-son. Tough s**t for her!

 

I am a submarine hiding under the north pole - (thats is the visual to help me remain NC.)

 

Shark - I dont know your full story but if she left you for a MM who has a baby on the way - and now she is fishing, f*** that S*** - NC her all they way... there is no way he is leaving his wife for her...

 

As you said her loss - let her deal with it....

 

Be the sub and try and enjoy the ice caps....

 

PS - sorry for being harsh there...

[smk]

Nobody ever said NC has to be a permanent thing. It means no contact, and when you use it to heal fully, you probably won't have any desire to contact them. But it doesn't mean you are prevented from being civil if they do happen to contact you way down the road.

 

i agree - so long as we stick to NC thats they key - if they break it be civil we be polite and thats leave it at that... no extended BS txting or talking...

[YellowShark]

PS - sorry for being harsh there...

 

No offence taken. She's probably coming to her senses and realizing MM was using her and now he's focusing on his wife and soon-to-be baby. Perhaps kharma is rearing it's head.

 

And I am sticking to NC... no scab-picking for this hombre!

[mickleb]

Nobody ever said NC has to be a permanent thing. It means no contact, and when you use it to heal fully, you probably won't have any desire to contact them. But it doesn't mean you are prevented from being civil if they do happen to contact you way down the road.

 

But this is not the situation. YS hasn't fully healed. She's got inside his head.

 

You do not respond to random texts from them. There is no need.

 

If you bump into them on the street and cannot ignore them, fine: be civil, as briefly as possible, then carry on with you life. End of.

 

If they'd behaved as sh:tly as YS's ex, however, I doubt I'd even do that. I'd probably say 'Oh dear' and carry on with my life.

 

I did. I wanted it to be crystal clear that I wasn't in her "neighbourhood" because of her. I didn't want her to imaging that ego boost.

 

Not buying that, I'm afraid. Why did you tell her how good she was looking if you were trying not to give her an ego boost?

 

The best revenge is not giving a damn. Best impression to give off and one that requires no response in either of these situations.

 

x

[YellowShark]

Not buying that, I'm afraid. Why did you tell her how good she was looking if you were trying not to give her an ego boost?

 

Good question. I asked myself why I did that after I sent the text... and now I kind of regret it. I guess it was because she did look amazing.. and I wanted to show her that even though she really f-ed up I was the bigger man and could be civil.

 

The best revenge is not giving a damn. Best impression to give off and one that requires no response in either of these situations.

 

x

 

Your advice is sound. Thanks man.

[smk]

No offence taken. She's probably coming to her senses and realizing MM was using her and now he's focusing on his wife and soon-to-be baby. Perhaps kharma is rearing it's head.

 

And I am sticking to NC... no scab-picking for this hombre!

 

Thats the spirit - NC all the way...

 

I am beginning to realise that they keep on trying to see just how 'hooked' we are every so often and sometimes we give but sometimes we dont and that pisses 'em off... I say screw 'em they left us - their loss....

 

just like we are dealign with it let them deal with it...

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Good question. I asked myself why I did that after I sent the text... and now I kind of regret it. I guess it was because she did look amazing.. and I wanted to show her that even though she really f-ed up I was the bigger man and could be civil.

 

 

 

Your advice is sound. Thanks man.

 

Don't fault you at all Shark.

I probably would have done the same thing.

And I guess that's the wrong thing.

Hard to imagine what once was no longer is...

Stay strong and everyone struggles with NC.

[YellowShark]

Stay strong and everyone struggles with NC.

 

After seven years together it IS hard to stay NC. So far she has broken it twice. I shall heed mickleb's advice and not reply to her next communication - (which I expect shall come.)

 

I am a submarine hiding under the north pole... and the radio operator has been relieved of his post!

[bonpaw2008]

After seven years together it IS hard to stay NC. So far she has broken it twice. I shall heed mickleb's advice and not reply to her next communication - (which I expect shall come.)

 

I am a submarine hiding under the north pole... and the radio operator has been relieved of his post!

 

I know it was hard to see her, and you know you must have looked as good as she did because she is looking to have some shark sushi

 

hee hee just kidding but yea she is fishing, and you know that you are soooo doing the right thing. She enjoyed your attention and she is looking for more. Poor insecure hot girl. Glad she has her chumps lined up in a row, and soooo glad you aren't one of them!!!!

[mickleb]

All in all, YS, you're doing extremely well. Your responses are in the past now, where she will stay (no matter what her current or future intentions are).

 

BTW, I'm not a man but you're welcome.

 

x

[YellowShark]

BTW, I'm not a man but you're welcome.

 

x

 

Oh really? What ya doin tomorrow night?

 

I know it was hard to see her, and you know you must have looked as good as she did because she is looking to have some shark sushi

 

She had seven years of kindness and adoration from me and she threw it all out the window for a smooth-talking scumball who's wife is pregnant. That's enough for me to say ba-bye! Glad she is gone now, but damn it sure was painful.

Edited July 31, 2010 by YellowShark

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Oh really? What ya doin tomorrow night?

 

 

 

She had seven years of kindness and adoration from me and she threw it all out the window for a smooth-talking scumball who's wife is pregnant. That's enough for me to say ba-bye! Glad she is gone now, but damn it sure was painful.

 

 

Can't believe she would leave you for a married man with a pregnant wife. Good god is that low! I don't understand the choices some people make. It's like they are purposely trying to mess their lives up.

[YellowShark]

Can't believe she would leave you for a married man with a pregnant wife. Good god is that low! I don't understand the choices some people make. It's like they are purposely trying to mess their lives up.

 

I work full time. His wife works full time. My EX and MM worked part time.

 

So while I was at work they would sit on the deck and "hang out." This went on for some time, and since he was supposedly "a good friend" and "married" I never suspected a thing. We were all friends, went camping together, dinners, the whole deal.

 

He is a smooth-talker, and I realize now he fancied her because she really is stunning. So they crossed the line at some point and began investing emotional energy and time into one another. So the emotional affair began, and it finally went physical.

 

On the night in question we had been at MM's place for a dinner party - (they live across the street.) After dinner everyone retired to our deck. I finally crashed around 12:30am, and when I woke up at 3:30 to get drink in they were the last two standing. And as I watched them from our kitchen they began necking on my deck!

 

I walked out on the deck immediately, told her it was over between us.. and told my ex-good friend to "get the f**k off my deck."

 

I was packed and out of there four days later, closed the joint account, and have been NC since. (Luckily my EX and I were renting at the time and so she can pay for everything now!)

 

That's the story. They both crossed too many social and moral red lines in the sand for me to even entertain trying to fix it.

Edited August 1, 2010 by YellowShark

[HighPlainsDrifter]

I work full time. His wife works full time. My EX and MM worked part time.

 

So while I was at work they would sit on the deck and "hang out." This went on for some time, and since he was supposedly "a good friend" and "married" I never suspected a thing. We were all friends, went camping together, dinners, the whole deal.

 

He is a smooth-talker, and I realize now he fancied her because she really is stunning. So they crossed the line at some point and began investing emotional energy and time into one another. So the emotional affair began, and it finally went physical.

 

On the night in question we had been at MM's place for a dinner party - (they live across the street.) After dinner everyone retired to our deck. I finally crashed around 12:30am, and when I woke up at 3:30 to get drink in they were the last two standing. And as I watched them from our kitchen they began necking on my deck!

 

I walked out on the deck immediately, told her it was over between us.. and told my ex-good friend to "get the f**k off my deck."

 

I was packed and out of there four days later, closed the joint account, and have been NC since. (Luckily my EX and I were renting at the time and so she can pay for everything now!)

 

That's the story. They both crossed too many social and moral red lines in the sand for me to even entertain trying to fix it.

 

 

Horrible story Shark. That must have been excruciating.. You must have unbelievable strength.

 

How horrible when two people so close betray you like that. It really makes you wonder who you can trust.

 

I had a similar experience about 10 years ago with a gal who was my fiancee. We were together for 7 years, and I was helping her through college while working on the road for 70 plus hours a week. One night I came home a day early and surprised her. She surprised me by having a guy in my bed. That was devastating to me and it took me about 2 years to even consider being with another woman.

 

I think that's why the situation I'm going through is so hard on me. It took me such a long time to trust again, and when I finally did, she just up and vanished and I have zero idea what will ever happen with her. She is a disaster right now and has brought me back to a place I was 10 year ago.

 

For whatever it's worth, I can relate and I feel your pain bro..

[YellowShark]

Horrible story Shark. That must have been excruciating.. You must have unbelievable strength.

 

It was the most horrible thing I have ever had to process in my life. To have two people that I trusted and cared for do that to me was mind-blowing. I had never ever done either of them wrong. Then add in that MM's wife is pregnant just pushed me over the cliff.

 

But I am a man of morals and integrity and I took great pride dumping those two out of my life. The first month of NC was absolutely brutal. Month two wasn't much better. To this day I am heartbroken that my EX would betray me like that. Her reward for her betrayal is a life without me. I won't even try to fix what is unforgivable - an affair with a married man who was a friend, and who's wife is pregnant.

 

Meanwhile he can go f**k himself and every time he looks at his first born I hope he relives what he did to me, and his wife.

 

I had a similar experience about 10 years ago with a gal who was my fiancee....For whatever it's worth, I can relate and I feel your pain bro..

 

...and let's toast a big pint of beer to that! We will survive, we are not anyone's bitch.. and they can go to hell.

[This Hurts]

The first month of NC was absolutely brutal.

 

I applaud you.

 

I honestly don't think I would have been able to go through something like that.

[YellowShark]

I applaud you.

 

I honestly don't think I would have been able to go through something like that.

 

It's like having two people you cared for die. That's how it felt emotionally. It is something I shall take to the grave. But I won't let either of them rule my life and I am not anyone's bitch.

 

So when I saw her that day, and when she texts me about "a lamp" It does sting alot. Nothing a stiff Cragganmore Malt Whisky can't soothe!

[HighPlainsDrifter]

It was the most horrible thing I have ever had to process in my life. To have two people that I trusted and cared for do that to me was mind-blowing. I had never ever done either of them wrong. Then add in that MM's wife is pregnant just pushed me over the cliff.

 

But I am a man of morals and integrity and I took great pride dumping those two out of my life. The first month of NC was absolutely brutal. Month two wasn't much better. To this day I am heartbroken that my EX would betray me like that. Her reward for her betrayal is a life without me. I won't even try to fix what is unforgivable - an affair with a married man who was a friend, and who's wife is pregnant.

 

Meanwhile he can go f**k himself and every time he looks at his first born I hope he relives what he did to me, and his wife.

 

 

 

...and let's toast a big pint of beer to that! We will survive, we are not anyone's bitch.. and they can go to hell.

 

Done my friend... And I had a couple valium to go with that beer. Wtf is with these people??? I'm so disapointed in humanity..